Do you think there is someone for everyone? I feel like I might never meet that person?

I just got out of a 3.5 year relationship. I was engaged, and he ended it. I started dating someone on tinder, and I really liked this new guy too, except he doesn't want anything serious... He's in school to be an orthodontist and he's just going to move back to the state his family is from. I got upset because he changed his bumble profile recently and said he wanted to "cuddle with someone to help with his post-election blues". We've been seeing each other for 3 months. I confronted him about it, and he said he was honest from the very beginning and said he didn't want anything serious. I guess I should be glad it is over, because if I'm not that important, and he wants to post cuddle with someone then I guess I'm glad it's over. I just had the "feels" for him. I thought he was someone special. I guess I can feel that for someone else maybe... I just feel like things get better, and then I just end up being crushed all of the time, over and over and over again. I'm just sad. I guess maybe if I didn't confront him, we would be hanging out this week and having fun, but we are not. He doesn't want to waste my time. I really do like him, even with everything that has happened. We were supposed to hang out this weekend and go to a movie on Thursday, but now since I brought up his bumble profile, he said we should just "lay low this week" and he would call me next week. My thoughts on that are he is going to just go on some dates with some other chics, and then "maybe' give me a call next week. I feel like I should just drop him... I like him, and I thought I might even love him... I'm crying, and it sucks... I just want to know that maybe that there is still hope for me... I wonder if he is even sad. My room mate was like "he loves you." blah blah... guess it's not enough. He never said it, but I felt like I felt it. I guess feelings come and go and that's it... I just gotta keep moving on... I'm just sad, and I want to be hopeful.

Does anyone have any good books I can read (to help me on this?) I think I just want to be overall happy. I think I just need to focus on my overall well being. Maybe I'm just getting to focused on idiot men? Maybe I just need to chase the things I love, and the other stuff will follow?
To be honest, I am still thinking about him. My room mate thinks I made a mistake in having a serious conversation with him, and she thinks we might not be able to recover from it. He ended up "unmatching" me from tinder last week. He still looks at my snap chats. He's still following me on instagram and snap chat. He just doesn't send me texts or snap chat messages anymore. My room mate thinks that he is still going to call me next week. I'm just hoping that he does...


Most Helpful Guy

  • You're 29. If you want to find someone, you'll find someone. I mean, there is simply no shortage of men and women who want to have long-term, serious relationships. From what you described, you're talking about having dated two men in the past 3.5 years. That's absolutely nothing so I would say to just be patient. Keep going out on dates, keep your mind open and you'll do fine. Just try to have fun and don't press (I sense a lot of pressing here).

    That said, this guy that you're upset over just wants to have fun and hook up. If that's not what you're looking for, you should definitely drop him, especially since it's clear that you're something like a fourth option to him at this point. It's ok if you don't mind being the backup girl (I certainly never minded being the backup guy in past hookup situations!) but if you aren't into that, then definitely move on as there are literally thousands of guys out there who would make you a priority.

    • Yeah, I guess I just didn't realize I was the back up girl. We were hanging out three times a week, and always making plans. He said he didn't date anyone else in the past 3 months. Do you think it's easier for guys to get over the girls they hook up with? I know I shouldn't say this online, but he wasn't the greatest at hooking up.. The hooking up wasn't even that great. I really just had fun with him, like his personality, and thought he was nice.

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    • I don't really say that kind of stuff... Serious or not serious... (Like the cock comment lol.) but he unmatched me off tinder. He said he would call me next week, which would make this Tuesday a full week. I know he is bad for me in the long run, because he doesn't see himself living here, and "was not looking for something serious". But who am I to say that maybe he wouldn't change. That would just make me predicting the future. My room mate thinks that one comment ruined things between us. But she also said she might be just "predicting the future." I miss hanging out with him, and I miss him as a person. And then the other part of me is saying he wanted to "cuddle with someone else in his profile" so maybe he wasn't at all that into me. I mean he was always inviting me to things, and we were hanging out 3 times a week. I feel like I would say yes and jump at any initiative from him to talk to me. I honestly wish I didn't feel this way, and I'm really trying to be

    • as disciplined as possible, and not talk to him, or contact him. He just went from sending me daily snap chats, text messages, to making plans, to not talk to me at all since Tuesday. I just have this feeling that it is over? I just thought he liked me more than that...

      I guess if he wanted to contact me, he would, but he's not. And that is his choice. I just wish I wouldn't have said anything, or even saw that he changed his profile, and we would be having fun again.

      I don't even know why I feel so attached to him. : (. I guess I just thought I met someone really special, fun, cool, interesting, and funny...

      If someone has the answers on making a recovery from this, and still making it work, please tell me the solution...

Most Helpful Girl

  • Look I don't want to be mean or anything (really) but when he said from the start he wasn't interested in more, you should have listened and walked away. You shot yourself in the foot. It's not the universe's fault for you going for someone who made his intentions clear from the start so in my opinion you caused your own misery. Now to be positive, you can learn from this experience. Don't go for guys who are clearly not interested in dating. You can help your dating life a lot by just not going for these types. There is someone out there for you but you will need to use your head, not heart and to be smart about it from day 1.

    • He wasn't interested in dating long term... We were dating and going on actual dates... And I guess I'm just being a stupid girl, but I still kind of want to hang out with him. I kind of miss him, but maybe it is for the best. I don't know. I'd still be seeing him this week if it wasn't for seeing his dumb bumble profile. I mean he wasn't flat out bluntly honest. He just didn't want anything serious. This is the first time he cancelled plans on me, and said he wanted to "lay low" this week, and then call me next week. In guy language does that mean he wants to skip this weekend, and then call me next week to see how I feel or if I want to "have fun" not be "too serious"?

    • Do you think he'll call me? or is it this thing done what we had? I really enjoyed hanging out with him. His bumble profile did kind of hurt my feelings though.

    • I think you need to stop and realize this guy is NOT good for you and that pining for him and to keep seeing him will just do far more harm than good. I think you know he's bad news. You clearly like him and it sounds to me like he has no intention of pursuing anything serious.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • Your update is exactly what you should do in my opinion, although I don't have any book suggestions. I said to another 'asker' earlier today, don't fall into the trap of feeling that your self-worth has to be 'put in' or 'come out of' a relationship - or anything in that realm, you know?
    I completely understand that you want to share things with someone, etc, etc but you can find a lot of happiness and stuff within yourself... Man, I sound like a patronizing talk show host lol I know what I mean, and I hope you do too. I wish you the best!

  • 7.5 billion humans on this earth. Give or take 50% are men. You have 3.5 billion men to choose from

  • That's a good question... I'm asking this myself yor years...

  • I can relate as I briefly dated a girl a few months ago who I had a lot in common with and was very cute but the problem was she just got out of a 5 year relationship and was consistently acting hot and cold till it ended, and it ended badly. Granted the messed up situation was preventable.

    Now unlike you I didn't find out about this until after our first date, but that being said, no matter how much someone may be our type, it is crucial to see the big picture and not overlook any red flags otherwise you set yourself up to get hurt.

    It also makes dating even harder because as you look for others, you're in this mentality of "no can replace her/him" "will I ever find anyone else again?" and that's not a healthy mentality to have and just makes you more miserable.

    All I'm saying is when someone says they're not looking for anything serious, you take their own word for it and take it or leave it.

    • Also bringing up the bubmble profile to him was a big mistake, especially considering you weren't official and he said he didn't want anything serious.

      While it may not be good news that he's keeping his options open, you pretty much have to go with the flow until exclusivity is mentioned when you meet anyone.

      Trust me, the girl I'm talking about updated her okc profile between our dates and while it may not have been what I wanted to see, I couldn't do much and if I brought it up to her before it ended, it would have ended even sooner.

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    • When and if he calls me this week, do you think it would be okay to say this? Listen, I know you don't want a serious relationship, and I didn't think I did either. I don't want to not see you ever again. Can we still hang out? I really didn't want to see it getting too serious either right away. I really have fun with you.

      (Or do you think this will not work out? and he will still try to avoid me?)

    • Or do you think I scared him for good? and he's just going to leave me alone, and not talk to me again? What would you do or how would you feel knowing that I had a serious conversation with him, and that he chose to cancel our plans for this week, and he's stopped sending his normal text messages and snap chats. or is this a book line for "He's just not into you" kind of thing.

What Girls Said 1

  • You're settling yourself up to get hurt. Why are you doing that?

    • I am already hurt. : (

    • I think you should have ended it with this guy ages ago. Seriously, don't be upset over this. He's being a dick. Why would you be upset over a dick as if he deserves your hurt? Fuck him. You can find better.