What does it mean when someone's in love with "the idea of someone"?

Some of my friends say they've dated people who were in love with the "idea of them".

I've been hearing that quite a bit lately, but what does that mean?

Does it mean they're putting someone on a pedestal or they're just making them out to be someone they're not?

Im curious because a few months ago I dated a girl that I had a lot in common with and was very attractive so that got me a little attached because of how well we bonded and our conversations flowed well. But she really did have a lot in common with me. I wasn't projecting things onto her.


Most Helpful Girl

  • So, you create an idea of who they are. Sort of "putting them on a pedestal" sort of thing.

    There might be flags left and right, but you're only focusing on what you like.

    You create an IDEA of who they are, despite seeing and ignoring the facts (flags).

    So, yes, in short your guess/description was pretty spot on.

    * Great way to figure out who someone really is, is during the bad or rough times. They'll show their true colors then. Which is why ALL of my exes, will remain exes.

    I've seen their dark side and they've seen mine. Between the two of us, it wouldn't have ever worked.

    lol, but it just means we haven't met the right person. YET. ^-^

    • What if you're aware of the red flags and ask your friends about the red flags but still give it a shot?

      As opposed to just ignoring the red flags.

    • If you're aware of red flags and proceed anyway, that's your choice. Don't know why you would but we're all different.

Most Helpful Guy

  • They were in love, with how they thought they were. Most people aren't themselves when they first start dating. That and the fact that love can blind you to who they really are. You love the person who the person they are pretending to be.

    I've been in that situation where I ignored the signs (red flags) of who she really was... just because I cared too much for her.

    You see it ll the time when a friend makes a comment about their friend's boyfriend and the girlfriend makes excuses/defends her man. They always say, "He's not really like that", "he's been stressed out lately". The truth is... the people outside the relationship have a clearer view and aren't blind by love/emotions.

    • How did it end?

      Yeah I definitely agree with that. One of my friends made a status that was spot on saying something along the lines of when you see red flags through rose tinted glasses, all you see is flags.

      There have been times where I have dated girls I had similar interests with on top of them being attractive which were a distraction from the big picture. They were either crazy, on the rebound and acted very hot and cold. There's flaws then there's red flags and some red flags you just cannot ignore.

    • Show All
    • Haha zing. Did you end up dating any of her friends?

      Yeah my worst experiences is when I've had women lead me on, invite me over to their place, only to kick me to the curb. Had it happen this weekend and 2 months ago. Absolute mindfuck. The worst is when you tell people about it and they're just like oh move on, quit being whiny, needy. It's like how about not having our feelings fucked with, shithead?

    • Well obviously none of them were her friends... That should have been a "red Flag" for me in the first place (that she didn't get along with the girls she worked with).

      I did become FwBs with 2 girls... The best was the one would make out with me right in front of her. The look on her face... PRICELESS ;-)

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What Girls Said 1

  • I guess it's exactly that. Putting an idea of what your relationship would be with the person in question. Day dreaming what it'd be like. Having high hopes without knowing what their true feelings, ideas, or opinions are

    • Yeah that makes sense. Though sometimes it can take awhile to see a person's true colors or see any apparent red flags. It's all situational though.

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