He knows I'm "the one" for him, but I don't know if he's "the one" for me?

I met this guy at church 2 years ago but we've officially become bf/gf about 3 weeks ago. He's 27 and has had many relationships previous to this. I'm 24, and he's my first boyfriend and I've told him that I want to take things slow, and he's been respecting that. He's the type to always plan ahead, and before we were dating he told me that he knew that I was "the one".

But it feels to me that he only sees one side of the picture - the side that ends well. I've told him that I think it's too early to know that he's the guy I'm going to marry, even if he feels like he knows that I'm the one for him. And that scares me and creates a bit of pressure for me. Maybe the reason we're at different places is because he has experience with being in the wrong relationships before. But I've never done this and I'm just trying to figure things out as I go.

He knows that I'm not where he's at and he's said he's fine with that but I know that he's hoping that my feelings will eventually be the same as where he's at. Obviously it'll be great if they do, but being realistic, what if I don't get to that point? And how long should that even take? If things don't work out I would hope that we could still leave on good terms, which is why I want to take things slow because I know how emotionally invested he is into this, and it scares me to think what would happen if things don't work out. So right now I'm not sure what to do. Is it normal to be in different places? Where do we go from here?


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What Guys Said 1

  • Honestly worrying won't do any good for you. Just go at your own pace and if you end up wanting to spend the rest of your life with him then great and if you don't then you just weren't meant for each other. You need to stop putting pressure on yourself to make him happy, but I suggest that you should have a conversation about this. Like tell him how you feel and what kind of things you're worried about. Basically tell him exactly what you told us, communication is the most important thing in relationships.

    That way he knows where you are at too, and he can choose what he wants to do and whether he is fine with just letting you take all the time you need to figure thing out, or would he rather find someone he got a faster connection with.


What Girls Said 1

  • It depends. If you are experiencing these feelings of doubt after knowing him for 2 years it's probably for another reason, aside from the fact that he's put pressure on you. I remember feeling this way several times and I realized that I was forcing something that just wasn't there. But that was me personally and you may be different. Why are you causing yourself to doubt the success of your relationship? If you genuinely like him and enjoy his company then don't be afraid to have honest conversations about those things that concern you about him. Really the fact that he's so convinced he wants to be with you shouldn't be a problem because it means he will care about you even if you show him your major flaws. That should be reassuring at least and you can feel free to be yourself with him.