How long do men pull back for when they get too close to someone?

Is it days, weeks, months?

The guy in question has texted me. It's quite late at night so I'm not going to respond tonight. It's just a "hey how's you?" Text.

Help - what shall I text back as not heard from him in 10 days. Shall I just be normal? More aloof?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I'll share my experience here.. Recently I was "rejected" after coming across to strongly, invading privacy, questioning and insulting someone I was becoming close to due to perceived fears during a hypomanic episode. I wasn't sleeping well and had constant panic attacks, nightmares when sleeping. I wasn't in my right mind at the time. My feelings grew too fast too soon. I came across as too needy/clingy. There were some very strong feelings on both sides. When it all fell through I distanced myself. No contact, feeling indifference when I see her for going on two months now. Occasionally I've thought of reaching out for amends, asking her how she's been, wishing her a happy Thanksgiving.. however deduced it would be best to hold back. While I'm a bit avoidant still I'm not too fearful of reaching out. It's more or less she expressed at the time she wasn't interested in further contact so I pulled back and distanced myself. No means no so I'm not going to continue pursuing. I want to respect her wishes and give her time and space. I want to leave it up to her to reach out when she decides she is ready and can trust me again.. I still care about her and have feelings just not as strong as before.. I've been trying to bury feelings of pain, remorse and what I feel for her.. Trying to move on and continue working on myself.. keepin' on keepin' on.. Meet new people and socialize more. It could be weeks, months and even years or never.

    • Is this what you meant by pulling back? Were there strong feelings or rejection involved or did he just pull back and distance himself when he felt he was becoming too close?

    • Good luck. Perhaps try reaching out to find "What's up" and determine if he's receptive to you. He might be busy, he might be trying to focus on other things. He might be trying to figure himself out and get to a better place. It doesn't mean he doesn't care or that he's no longer interested. Sometimes everyone needs a bit of time to themselves. It is what it is so I'd suggest not thinking into it too much. Good luck and best wishes! ;)

    • I actually brought it up with the guy in question. We had talked for 3 months then finally met. He was out of a 7 year relationship with a kid in April. We met up twice and he was the one initiating the second meet up - seemed quite giddy. After this he became more distant... less texts... less initiating until I was initiating all conversations. Yet he would reply instantly and be really chatty/involved for a few hours. I got tired of always being the one initiating so I asked him outright - are you not really feeling it with me? I feel like you never want to meet up again. I don't want to be flogging a dead horse - just be honest with me as I like hanging out with you and would like to get to know you better. He came back to say he's sorry he's been quiet. Goes quiet when he's busy. I can keep messaging him I'm not bugging him. We will meet up soon she less busy and he thought that was obvious. Um nope. not texted for week to give space - not sure if I should. I'm doing all the work.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Pull back because they get too close? Keep telling yourself we do that if it makes you happy. The reality is that doesn't happen. He's decided you're not what he wants


What Girls Said 1

  • You have to realize that every man is different. However, people generally pull back when they lost interest or when they find someone more interesting or when their mind is busy with more important stuff.

    • She may want to reach out if this guy is on her mind. For all we know he may feel that she's not interested. He may not feel comfortable making contact. He may be busy.. trying to deal with stressful situations, figuring everything out and finding peace within himself. Only way she'll know is asking him.