How do I get out of the friendzone with Ex's friend?

So when I met my now-ex, he introduced me to his friend (let's call him Joe). We all hung out as friends for a month when Joe and I matched on Tinder. Joe said he wanted to hang out but he was busy traveling for work and nothing ever came of it. Then my ex stepped up and we started dating instead. So ex and I dated for six months and Joe seemed fine with it, though when ex wasn't around Joe could be a little flirty. But Joe and I became good friends during that time, like he'd talk to me about his dating woes and girl problems, that sort of thing. If anything he was always more of a gentleman to me than my ex, who was never serious about me. He left me to move out of the country, and we pretty much stopped talking, and he hardly talks to Joe anymore either (though the two of them used to be really close). But ex has been gone 5 months and Joe and I continue to be really close, hanging out as friends. He can still be flirty at times but still talks to me about girls. Thing is I have recently realized I have feelings for him. I have never really flirted back or given him any indication whatsoever that I'm interested in him as more than a friend, because I've been afraid of ruining a good friendship. So my question is, what is the best way to attempt to get out of the friendzone? And is there even any hope? If it's hopeless, then probably not worth it to even try...


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What Guys Said 2

  • You write, "I have never really flirted back or given him any indication whatsoever that I'm interested in him as more than a friend, because I've been afraid of ruining a good friendship." which is hilarious. And very confusing.

    Let me ask you this... what's the best way to get into your house? What tricks or strategies do you need to puzzle solve your way back into the home that you live in?

    Does the answer seem so obvious that you're unsure what I'm asking? Because your question feels the same way.

    If you wanna go in your house then you walk up to the door, and open it, then walk in. It's not rocked science.

    Okay, here's my answer: You flirt back, and open yourself up being seduced... and you make sure he can SEE and FEEL that you're open to being seduced. Basically you become receptive, instead of what ever you're doing now.

    You're like a flower and he's a bee, except you've kept your pedals closed to his approach. Now open up and let him in. If he's interested he'll escalate. If he's moved on then he won't.

    There's ZERO risk. You open up and he becomes a better friend, or a new lover. It's easy.

    If he's not getting the hint then spend more time with him, and touch him more. Touch his arm, his shoulder, his leg. Lean in and whisper something in his ear with your hot breath. Hug him hello and goodbye. Basically touch him so much that he's either turned on or turned off.

    The mistake you're making is thinking that it'll ruin your close friendship if he's not feeling the same. And that's garbage. The worst thing that could possibly happen is he laughs and says "no thanks" and you both laugh and go have dinner. You're friends, nothing you do matters!

    Have fun and seduce that handsome devil.

    ~ Robby

    (My Blog )

    • haha ok this answer made me smile. You're absolutely right. I'm being dense and overthinking things aren't I...

  • The safest thing to do is flirt back. The most dangerous things are 1) telling him how you feel, 2) seducing him and 3) flashing /rubbing your boobs/crotch in his face / etc. because there's no way back from those if he isn't interested.


What Girls Said 1

  • Why do you want to get involved with your ex's friend in the first place? There are so many males in the world. Even if he is interested in you, odds are he won't pursue you due to the bro code or something.

    • He's not really friends with my ex anymore though, at least not like he used to be. Since my ex moved they barely even speak now... and I do know that he pursued one of his other friend's exes before, with that friend's blessing... so if he were interested I don't think that would hold him back. But I just have no idea if he is... and well, I like him a lot :/