My Girlfriend is depressed and I don't know what to do?

ok, so I'm 13 (grade8) which may seem young but I've been seeing this girl named Rose and we've dated for a couple weeks now. But she cuts herself sometimes and she seems very depressed sometimes and I really want to help her but I don't know what to do.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Leave her.

    Sounds harsh - I know.
    Hear me out.

    You're 13. You will be a much, much, MUCH happier adult and be better prepared for romantic relationships if you cut her loose (no pun intended).

    You have a couple weeks invested in her. That's nothing. You're 13. I'm marrying the guy I was with when I was 14. I'm not discounting your relationship due to your age. It is 100% possible to have a mature lasting relationship at that age.

    This is not that relationship. Leave her. Your number one priority is you. Never forget that. If you try to help her, she will drag you down with her. You do not have the resources or the ability to help her. She will sink you into a depression and then you'll both be there being depressed.

    Your number one has to be you. I would tell you the same thing if you were 28 or 32 or 64... any age. Her depression is something she has to deal with on her own. You trying to help will do the exact opposite. It will only make you depressed and no one wants that.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Tell her parents, if her cuts are an actual issue then she needs to get professional help. At her age the things she experiences shouldn't cause the need for that, not unless there is something -seriously- wrong. Take this to an adult or professional.

    My friends have cut and done things in the past, at first they were angry at me for telling parents/professionals. Even angrier that I took their cutting tools away. But now they consider me a great friend, are thankful. One even claims I saved his life by stepping in before he did something worse.

    • that's the thing. Her parents know and she sees a therapist every week but she's not getting seriously injured just a bunch of small cuts but I'm still concerned for her because she is also insecure about herself a lot even though she shouldn't be and I try a lot to help her and show her how she's not fat or ugly or anytbing but she stays in disbelief

    • Show All
    • ok, I'll do my best. thank you

    • It's okay

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 4

  • I apologize for the length of this but I feel that if you truly care about this girl you will follow my advice and help her not just leave her. hope things work out for you 2.

    don't take it all on yourself. I too suffer from depression and I suffer from anxiety and PTSD. I have learnt that the more you try to help people the more you will suffer yourself in the long run. I'm not saying leave her high and dry I'm saying that yes be there for her and all that but don't make it your life mission to cure her of depression. it's not something that can be simply explained or resolved but you can help by being there. she will be able to function better if you make her understand that you are not going to leave her you may not stay with her as her boyfriend but you will not abandon her. let her know that you love her and that you want to help her but you can't do it on your own and you want to make sure she's getting the best care possible. she just needs someone to stand by her not only on the good days but on the bad and Hellish days too. that on the days where she won't get out of be you won't force her to get up and do things but rather you will bring food and drink to her and have it there for her to have at her leisure and that if she doesn't eat or drink you will care for her anyway.

  • She needs to find a way to be happy. she need to accept the way life its and find something to keep her mind off of it. It isn't not your responsibility to. She is way too young to be depressed and self harm only makes the person feel worse. you need to talk to her and maybe she can find a way to be happy. she needs love from her parents and family to get better.

  • I'm sorry to tell you this but you should break up with her. Yes she will get hurt but its for your own good. Depressed people are usually mentally unstable and that could mean she'll threaten to commit suicide if you try to break up. She could take her problems out on you crushing your self esteem and damaging your mental health. People like her won't be happy no matter what you do, she'll always be upset about something. And you never know if she's cutting herself for attention. Good luck.

  • There's probably not much you can do at your ages to help her. I started self-harming in preschool and cut myself every single day by the time I graduated high school. I had a shitty childhood and it only got worse with time. I live on my own now and am in a much better place mentally. I've had to cut out everybody in my family in order to get myself here, and I'm glad I did that. I only cut myself a few times a year now, and I do it more as a ritual and tribute to my character than a coping mechanism.

    If you want to help your girlfriend, you need to be there for her and try to get her out of the situation that she's in. If she's just an average girl with loving parents who is cutting herself because she isn't super-model skinny, then you need to move on with your life because that's unhealthy attention-seeking behavior and she won't get any better with time.

    • thank you for your reply. I don't think she is like trying to get attention or anything but I know growing up she had a pretty shitty childhood and had a lot of bad incidents with family and stuff, but she says to me that she always feels like everything is her fault.

    • That's the biggest problem with people who come from situations like this and it stays with you through the end of your life if you don't psychologically confront yourself. She needs to realize that childhood abuse is never the child's fault and that the only way to overcome it is to become a decent human being herself and get through the struggle. If she is currently being abused, then she needs to call the cops on her abusers. It might seem like the end of the world to her, but she will thank herself for it in the long-run.

What Guys Said 1

  • Interesting, cuz it says you are 16...
    You need to give that a whole lotta "leave alone"... you aren't old enough to slap the depression out of her (that is metaphorical btw)...
    only choice you have right now is to distance yourself, and let the grown ups (parents) handle that.
    Must be quite interesting, finally having a girlfriend and she's self-destructive...