Long distance relationship am I missing something here?

I met a guy though on line dating site who is a single parent like me and we totally understood each other so we started to chat and text and got serious about each other but we were 4000 km far from each other. We decided to meet each other so we arranged everything from a month before and I decided to go to him so I paid for my ticket and one week hotel room. I got there and I was very excited to see him. First of all he didn't step out of his car to come inside the airport, he was waiting for me outside in pick up line.. he took me to the hotel and he was so quiet and I thought he is very shy... so I started to talk and he talked a little bit we got to the hotel by 11:30 at night we stared to kiss and cuddle but not more than that. the day after he left the hotel for drop off his son to his work and he was supposed to come back but he was so late the I texted him that I'm going to order pizza for us, the pizza came but he didn't , he came 3 hours after the pizza came at 9:30 at night... same thing happened the day after so I decided to come back home earlier. . I changed my ticket for the day after.. the second night he came at 6 and so tired and he offered me to go out so we went out for the first time we had dinner and again hotel he stayed over night and the day after he gave me a ride to airport. .. I came home but I felt so awful about myself going there I paid a lot for my ticket and my hotel and changing the ticket.. I got him present and he didn't get me anything. My reason for going there was because he told me that he loves me so much and he would do anything for me and I was in love too otherwise I wouldn't think about going there... and now he is texting me why I'm ignoring him and why I'm mad and he keep asking that what he did I'm so mad about him... isn't it so obvious why I'm mad? What should I tell him?

Went miles away to see my long distance boyfriend but he totally ignored me... what did I miss here?


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What Guys Said 2

  • Did you online date in your 20s? If not, then I can see why you might be surprised here. There are a lot of people out there (men and women) who can be engaging, outgoing, and interesting online or even over the phone, but then totally freeze up in person. This is really, really common unfortunately and that's why flying 4000 km on a first date is so risky. Because if it were a more "normal" set up, you would have met him for coffee or gone to dinner with him first and you would have seen all of these social quirks before it ever got this far.

    I did a lot of dating in my late teens/early 20s and that included online dating so I've seen exactly what you're talking about. In fact, I remember this one girl Samantha who basically ignored me the entire date and didn't say a word. I get home and there's this email from her gushing about how she had an AMAZING time can't just wait to see me again!! It reminds me of your story somewhat and I'm sorry. The thing is, I picked her up at her college dorm that was 13 miles away so no big deal, right? Wasted Saturday but that's it.

    Anyway, I'm sorry to hear about that. I don't want you to give up though! I mean, there are so many people out there and if it's something you want, I know that there are lots and lots of great guys out there for you who will put forth at least the amazing effort that you just did. Just try dating a tad closer though so you can feel the guy out first.

  • Tell him that you paid a lot of money and travelled 4,000 km to see him and he made the absolute minimal effort. He didn't come into the airport to greet you, he barely talked, he left you sitting in the hotel on your own after he dropped off his son and failed to reappear and then repeated it again the next day. Basically he gave you the bare minimum time and attention and made no special effort whatsoever. He made you feel like he was hardly even excited to see you at all.

    Now you are back home and all you can think about is all the effort that you went to for him and you feel like you've been robbed. Tell him that, at the moment, you are struggling to see why you would want to invest any more time in that kind of person. Ask him if he can give you any good reasons why you should, and that should include explanations for his behaviour. If those reasons and explanations aren't good enough then tell him to stay out of your life.

    • You are definitely right... I feel like I've been robbed... thank you for your answer
      Because I've been having a challenge with myself
      I appreciate your help

What Girls Said 1

  • You should tell him the truth. Tell him that you spend so much money and you wasted so much time because you were very excited to see him, while he didn't make any effort at all on his part. I understand how terrible that must have felt.