I have started developing feelings for my female friend and she is taken, what should I do?

We have been friends for over a year now, got really close the last couple of months and we started having this deep connection, we share everything together, and I started having feelings for her.
I want to tell her about it but she have a boyfriend, he is very rude and mean to her, she even told me herself and I quote 'I dont see our relationship going anywhere, I dont know what I am thinking keeping this relationship'.
Now I want to respect her choices and boundaries thats why I dont think telling her about my feelings is a good idea and I dont want to risk our friendship, I have been avoiding her for the last week... What should I do?

For those who are saying to cut ties with her, like I said I haven't contacted her in a week and she reached out twice via text but I ignored her. Eventually she will notice my weird behavior ( if she hasn't already ) and ask me whats up, should I tell her the truth then and risk everything?


Most Helpful Guy

  • i don't think you should tell her. my feeling is i never interfere with a person's relationship unless they are in a bad one

    • if the relationship is as bad as you say then i think rather than simply telling her how you feel it may be good for you to really help her see how bad the relationship is and suggest that she deserves better

What Girls Said 2

  • Make her a better offer! Tell her that you've developed powerful feelings for her and want her. But what you can't do is tell her this and then keep hanging around. You have to tell her this and then distance yourself, because that's the right thing to do. Guys who hang around begging for scraps from a girl are not attractive because they don't value themselves.

  • Tell her if she ever decided to leave him, you'd love the chance to show her how she should be treated. Or. if he ever leaves you, I'll be here to help you move on.


What Guys Said 4

  • You have to be wary about being the best friend to a girl who is in a bad relationship. You will often be the shoulder to cry on and might mistake the situation to be more than it is. The fact is that despite his supposed bad treatment of her she is still with him. This happens a lot, a girl will complain about how bad her boyfriend is but it doesn't mean she will leave him and it certainly doesn't mean that she would consider being with you. Often the girl really loves that shitty boyfriend and he is deeper into her emotions than any other guy can be for some considerable time.

    Declaring your interest in her now is a big gamble. I would say that usually it doesn't pay off in your situation. The more common result is that the friendship is messed up for good.

    My advice to you would be to not consider doing anything until such time as she is single. She has the option to become single any time. In the meantime, focus your attentions on other girls who are actually available.

  • Ok, her relationship is none of your business. It is her problem and her choice to date an asshole. You have no right to interfere with their relationship. You need to respect it and keep your feelings to yourself. She isn't yours to have right now. She may be single in the future, so be patient if you want, but for now you are stuck on the sidelines.

  • Man this is the typical story, the beautiful girl is in a relationship with the "douche" while the "nice guy" is stuck in friend zone.

    You have 2 options and in both of them you risk to lose her, only way you are not gonna lose her is marrying her, and even that isn't guaranteed.

    1.- You slowly but respectfuly break ties with her, you lose her (for a while) until you find a girlfriend. Then maybe after a few months you can rekindle things with your friend after you got over your feelings for her.

    2.- You speak up your feelings for her, tell her to drop that "douche" and be your girlfriend, because you have been friends for so long, and you CAN'T resist the thinking of her being with someone else other than you, and you WON'T tolerate that, and you won't tolerate to be in the friend zone with your feelings for her.
    If she accepts, good, if she doesn't you GOT to tell her, that you can't remain friends with her while you have feelings for her, because it is a metod of self torture to be around a woman you love, not be able to be with her, but she is with someone else. Do not accept the ticket to friend zone and cut ties permanently until you find someone else.

  • Hold out, try not to be a shoulder to cry on. Just be a genuine friend though. Wait until she becomes single, then make your move then. You need to be a good friend, but still keep some distance to avoid being too close.

    It's really hard though tbh. Do compliment her though to give her hints.

    • people saying cut ties are fake alphas. F**k that. Still be friends, just keep a certain distance so that you can flirt when she is single.

      Check this out:


    • Show All
    • @lualesca Nope I just see lots of guys stating opinions on here about ditching female friends which is plain stupid. Also guys who say you can't be friends with women etc.

      I'm not saying that's you. I thought I saw someone here say something like stay away or certainly from the OP's update.

      Obviously it's hard to do. I have the same thing. I'm friends, but I'm trying to walk that fine line. I don't ask her about her boyfriend at all. I just focus the convo elsewhere and live my life. But I keep her part of it.

      Frankly your advice that you have replied on my opinion and your insulting tone are disgraceful, unhelpful and bullying. I have a hard time believing you are super successful in picking up your female friends. I wouldn't want to be friends with or take advice from a rude person like you. Please stop posting on my opinion.

    • I never claim to be succesfull with women, not that i am bad with women, you are just asuming things and trying to put words in my mouth. Oh and by the way i don't "pick up", i date, i court women, and i don't pick up female friends, i have female friends but don't try to "pick them up", because if i do and it doesn't work i lose the friendship, hence why most of my partners have not been my friends before i date them.

      And yes insults are meant to offend people, thanks for letting me know it worked, now go back to the corner of your friend zone you cuck.

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