Why can't he tell me how he feels when he's sober? Should I trust him when he's drunk?

I've been talking to this boy for a while now. Below are the three scenarios which occur between us:

1) when he's sober, he's blunt and there is no emotion in anything. He sounds like he has no interest in me at all but still wants to speak to me and gets aggy when I don't speak. - but if he says something that he knows is out of line, I receive a message from him between 12-2am apologising.

2) when he's ill or in his feelings, he tells me how he feels. He talks about the future, our future, he apologises for 1) him and he's the sweetest. We talk about us and he cares.

3) when he's drunk he texts me pouring out his heart. He talks about how much he wants us to work etc but in the morning he goes back to 1) and acts like he never said anything and without an apology.

I like him but I don't know if I should trust what he says in 2) and 3) if 1) says otherwise.


Most Helpful Guy

  • He sounds like too high maintenance to me. If you want to commit the effort into someone who you will forever be drawing out of their shell then fine. I don't have the patience for that. It shouldn't have to be that hard.

    Also, the fact that he only finds courage when drunk is a red flag.


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What Guys Said 1

  • Guys just aren't as emotional as you'd like them to be. He probably finds it hard to express himself or simply just doesn't like the idea of doing so. When he's drunk everything just comes out since he isn't really thinking about it. I do something similar with my girl, when I'm drowsy I just say every single thing on my mind, including how I feel. When I'm wide awake I am nowhere near as expressive or affectionate but I still show her I care for her. If you guys are constantly bickering and just aren't happy when he's sober just drop it, why would you continue to struggle?


What Girls Said 4

  • I don't think it matters how he feels when he's putting you through emotional hell. Is this guy an addict? He sounds like he's addicted to the bottle, and trust me, you do not want to play second fiddle to an addiction.

    • The drinking was over the holiday period. He's stopped now

    • He's still sounds like way too much drama. He's already been causing you pain, what makes you think it will get better? That's a serious question by the way.

    • It never got better and I had to let it go but now I'm happy :)

  • If he doesn't say it to you sober it doesn't count.

  • He might just be too shy to show his feelings when he's sober

  • boys are confusing girl I know what you're going through right now I'm kinda in the same situation but the guy is never drunk.


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