What are friends with exclusive benefits?

So, I have been hanging out with a guy since the beginning of December. Mostly at his place having dinner and talking, staff party we danced together mostly and he drove me home, he took me to the movies and paid. After a few weeks we got intimate. We discussed not being intimate with others and always being honest with each other. He remembers how I like my coffee, asks questions about my life, openly shared about him. We work together and car pool, so I know his work friends. He changed his work schedule so when he works nights it's will coincide with my nights too. But he says he doesn't want to date or be in a relationship... he doesn't want to get too serious. We are both newly divorced. Isn't friends with benefits supposed to be non exclusive and non intimate in terms of getting too close and personal? So what is this? Is this what dating is now days... undefined, no titles and no clue? Just go with the flow and see? He also texts almost every day, but then won't for a few days.


Most Helpful Guy

  • The whole dating or whatever you call it scene is real mess these days. No one wants to commit, everyone rides this stupid friends with benefits angle so they can have the sex without the commitment of a relationship. Seems like a cheap cop-out, the whole idea is just stupid, people being afraid and comforting themselves with the friends with benefits label when any intelligent person knows that it is a relationship... it's just labeled different so they can sleep easier.

    • Should I just see where it goes for now? It's only been 7 weeks and we are both new to dating after long marriages. I am older and have kids and maybe that is intimidating too? How long do people get stuck in this non defined zone before knowing? 3-6 months? Exclusive sex doesn't mean they're not actively looking for something else either.

    • Yeah, what you described is a relationship... not friends with benefits

    • Thanks for your opinion :)

Most Helpful Girl

  • personally, to me... just sounds like he's afraid of commitment. I guess if you want to you can give him some more time but the real question is, what do YOU want?

    • I want to know if I am his girl so I know how to behave when others are around. He dared me to put my hand on his leg with our work friends carpooling with us. So I did all week and now people are asking about us and he doesn't seem to mind. But he doesn't answer their questions... he just says none of your business to them. I am confused and annoyed. Why can't people just know what they want to try and take a risk?

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    • If he just wanted sex why bother getting to know me and open up about himself? Why take the time to remember all I say? It would be easier if it was a clear just sex thing so I could keep my emotions clear.

    • tell him that. maybe he just doesn't want to commit or maybe he just sees you as a friend with benefits. friends open up and talk and stuff

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What Guys Said 2

  • Not necessarily a relationship. more like "seeing someone"

    • That's what I was thinking too... we are in the "seeing each other" phase, so we get together to keep figuring out if we want to become serious, but I must assume he will still be chatting up others to see if there is something different he would prefer?

    • probably

  • It's called a relationship without the commitment part.

    • What is a non committed relationship with declared exclusive sex? Makes no sense.

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    • Seems backwards... should people start dating then exclusive sex lol. But I guess I should just chill and give it time before I get frustrated with the not dating bs of this strange arrangement.

    • I scaled it based on emotional involvement.

What Girls Said 0

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