For the guys who just want casual sex, why don't you want a relationship? What's your problem?




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Most Helpful Guy

  • "For the guys who just want casual sex" = nearly all men. It's not that no man wants a relationship - many do - but men's sexual interests are NOT (even remotely!) limited to the women they want to be in a relationship with. In fact, generally, for every woman a man meets who he'd be interested in having a relationship, he meets 10-20 women that he wants only casual sex with.

    This has always been true - women desire relationships and emotional connections; sex is a much lower priority because women can get sex whenever they want (as long as they aren't particularly picky about the guy they have it with) - but relationships have value because they're harder to get.

    Guys want SEX - it's men's first priority and primary motivation for everything else - but the vast majority of guys can't get sex whenever they want - they have to work for it, and even when they do, many still can't get it. Yet men evolved not just to desire sex, but to desire it from MANY women - and DIFFERENT women (men desire VARIATION in their sexual partners). Most guys want a relationship at some point, but even then, their sexual interest is NOT limited to the woman he is in a relationship in, and he has to constantly keep his instinct to pursue other women (for sex).

    But, not only has this always been a struggle between the sexes, feminism has made things much worse when it comes to relationships. Relationships come at a very high cost for a man - his time, his attention, his money, his sexual freedom, his significant legal and financial risks, etc. Feminism has greatly increased those risks with easy, no-fault divorces that heavily favor women, especially when kids are involved. Plus, men who married used to get a number of benefits beyond just sex: most wives were housewives who took care of the man and the children while the man worked outside of the home. He might work hard, but he would be taken care of when he got home.

    Post-feminism, most of those benefits for the man no longer exist, so men's benefits have been reduced, and his liabilities have increased. That means serious relationships and especially marriage have become a bad business deal for men. If you wrote marriage up as a business contract, with one person being assigned the male benefits and liabilities and the other the female, but you didn't use "marriage" or "gender", it would be blatantly obvious how unbalanced the contract would be today.

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    • Finally, as more and more men are figuring this out, and resisting relationships, more and more women, who crave male attention, are willing to have casual sex in order to get that attention - and that is a far more balanced "deal". It also reduces women's leverage in using sex to get a relationship commitment - the fewer girls require it, the less leverage the women who do require it have. That's the downside of feminism for women - they get many of the male benefits, but lose many of the (former) female ones, including the social pressure men used to have to get married/make a relationship commitment.

      Like everything in life, you don't get to have it both ways.

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    • @IsabelGuimaraes

      Women, in general, do not what to wait until marriage. Sex is just as much in a female relationship with others as males. I am proud of myself for waiting till marriages.

    • @Robin48 Oh, I see. Yes, most people nowadays, men and women, won't wait until marriage (and that's ok for me, but it's ok if you want to wait for it too).

Most Helpful Girl

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What Guys Said 83

  • www.court-records.net/.../bratworth-shrug(e).gif

    It's because sex is much more easily attainable these days that sex by itself isn't strong enough by itself to get guys to commit. A lot of females think they can have their cake and eat it too.

    Essentially, those who females have casual sex with are the ones who females find sexually attractive enough to put out for. Also, more often than not, many males who don't get this casual sex treatment and are treated in a way where a female withholds sex just to receive commitment from him is not worth it.

    Why would a guy put up with sex being withheld when there were a lot of guys who had easy access to her pussy? The answer; he either has no self-respect or he wasn't that sexually attractive to begin with.

    This leads to the idea of "settling" where girls opt for something "lesser" because it's puts their mind at ease that they have someone they locked down. This sense of ease is not that "spark" or "attraction" girls get when they have casual sex. Of course, maybe sex for women in casual sex isn't that pleasurable but they burning tingles she gets leading to casual sex is as strong as ever.

    People need to remember that women who have a lot of causal sex ***still won't have sex with just and man***. This is further nonsense as to why men wouldn't want to be in relationships with women like this.

    It's a lot more harder for men to be attractive to women. This is why this fucking "nice guy" phenomena is prevalent as fuck. The fact that guys who don't give a shit about girls are the ones who are getting laid every day of the week proves further than sexually, this what girls want.

    I have heard many stories about men in marriages and relationships finding out that their girlfriends/wives were much more sexually adventurous and accommodating with other partners but these men that the women are now with don't have access to that part of the women they are now with. This links back to the idea that sex by itself isn't good enough.

    Women in the western have become too entitled these days. They really expect guys to not care with how many guys effortlessly slept with her and not really put maximum effort to make the guy lucky he is with her apart from access to her vagina.

    Keep living in wonderland ladies.

    "Where have all the good men gone?"

    They are all over the place, it is just that they have no interest in committing to a woman like you.

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    • Beautifully written.

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    • There was a mytake on GAG and one of female gagers actually admitted the behaviour you spoke about to be true. I believe the take was call "never let a girl make you wait" and it had loads of evidence from text messages, social experiment to the type of behaviour women put out for different men.

      One of the examples was that of online dating. A guy decided to see how women reacted to 2 men. 1 MAN was an attractive guy who was aggressive and disrespectful to women. The other guy was an average guy who was average and a gentleman. In one of the many experiment, he messaged a girl who said she was taking care of her mom in the hospital. Guy 1 replied with 1 word replies and girl sent him nudes in the bathroom at the hospital and ask if he wanted to hook up some time later. Guy 2, spoke to the same girl and she said she couldn't go out on a date with him because she was taking care of her mother at the hospital.

      This is why you should never waste your time on women.

    • www.court-records.net/.../...rth-determined(c).gif

      @Buldarman Very interesting. We are now seeing a huge backlash this decade with how "slutty" a female will act towards a man based on how attractive she finds him. There is strong evidence pointing to the idea that a female will do almost anything as long as the male is attractive enough and I mean ***attractive enough***!!! Many males are foolish to think that them being tied them means they have access to the kinkiest exploits of their partner but that is far from the truth more often than not.

      I cringe when I hear women saying they "had their fun in the past but now they want to settle down". Wtf is that supposed to mean?

      Never be the guy a women settles for. It just implies that she could do better but will opt for the "safe option".

  • Lack of free time, unwillingness to take on more responsibilities, emotional trauma, ease of sexual satisfaction, indifference or inability to maintain emotional connections, natural assholishness. Take your pick.

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  • Our generation is very selfish, they only live for themselves. That's why they don't have kids, don't have any loyalty. They care more about things than people.

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    • Yeah, now that for sure is considered a "western problem". By all means.

      It's a shame. I love kids.

      Besides all those people who choose not to have kids who's going to take care of them when they get older?

      No one in our generation thinks about that, oh that time when you turn 80...

    • Yeah, it is strange I think. We just had our second child and are talking about trying for a third in maybe a year's time, and there are people who've made comments to my girlfriend as if it's a bad thing to have kids. Instead in their opinion she should be more focused on work and making money - of course these people are also people who chose not to have any. They think that's a better, more 'valuable' use of time than spending time with people they love, that she's 'wasting her time'.

      That's true. They'll have nobody by that point, and they'll leave behind nothing. I'd say that if anything their lives are more empty and pointless. The number one regret of most people on their death bed ks that they wish they'd worked less ans spent more time with family.

  • Abandonment issues, trust issues, relationships are expensive. a lot of the examples of relationships we see. Over time to guy looks depressed as hell, girl seems a bit condescending and bossy. a lot of drama comes with relationship. Something goes wrong in a relationship guy is at fault by default. Divorce and the affects it has on a guy. Media portrays married or men who are dating as incompetent idiots while show single men as quick thinking, bold and full of life. Marriage and relationships seems like a bit of a psychological prison in which you have to survive to get sex, pass on your genes and have a sense of companionship. It easier to just make quick move to get sex. Than constantly have to do extra to get into a relationship and keep the relationship going. Start to think about all the things that could have been if you werent tied down by a relationship. The high expectations society holds for men who are in relationships are want to be in relationships. The shaming that happens in one way or another if he doesn't meet those expectations. Example: "a real man would..." media showing that a mans worth is based on the money, status and toys he has. Hard to gain money, status and toys if married or in a relationship. Point and case from what a lot of people see relationships seem to have more negatives than positives. But the fear and feeling of loneliness tends to make men jump into it. But casual sex tends to help ease it, even if only for a short time

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    • "Something goes wrong in a relationship guy is at fault by default."
      Can relate to this too much. I've been fighting with my girlfriend. Or I.. more like she's been fighting with me. And I always find it weird that she can point out my flaws all the time but the first thing I say about her makes her cry and hang up on me. It's so hard to analyze a situation like that because. I think she is being silly and she thinks i'm stupid and don't care.

  • What's your problem? It doesn't affect you. If some guy only wants sex, that's not a problem, you weren't compatible anyway.

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  • Trust issues, and women can be a pain. I've asked girls on dates before, and they've said yes and not shown up. I went on a few dates with a girl once, and I thought we were close enough that I could ask her over for dinner and she said she'd love to. I made dinner for her and I and had it ready on the table, and she never showed up. I saw her on campus the following week and she looked angry at me! She's the one who didn't show up or answer any texts/calls after that. I was a wreck for a couple of days and decided that girls just aren't worth it. I've been betrayed and treated like shit enough times. If I can learn how to get casual sex that's what I'll do, but it will seriously take a lot for me to be willing to commit to a girl again. I'm sure it's nice to have a companion and someone always there for you, but at this point it's like trying to find hay in a needle stack. Is finding that one piece of hay really worth it?

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    • I've been there, and honestly, I've met one good one who ruined casual sex for me. Once you've been intimate, fucking doesn't cut it.

      I can't even tolerate them for casual fun. I don't even date. None are worth it.

      Invest in a fleshlight or three. Three'll cost about one nice date's worth of money. No bitching, no standing you up, no STDs, no pregnancy, no period, doesn't care how big your dick is or how much money you make.

      Basically a pussy without the annoying life support system known as woman attached to it.

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    • @vvn604 Too late, I already have. They've been ruined for me

  • It is not a only a guy problem, why do girls don't want serious relationship lol?

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    • Most teenage girls get into a relationship for the purpose of sexually exploring. Experimenting. To benefits, their sexually drive. Also to benefit their self in a good time. Many girls and women do not know how to have a true relationship. Their involvement in a guy is just to benefit their self. Females really do not know how to love so they turn to sex for love. When you develop a relationship one-sided that it about her and her alone.

  • It's no my problem, it's the fact that girls my age are way too childish to date.

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  • I'm pretty sure that most of the time it's not that he doesn't want a relationship, it's that he doesn't want it right now, or not with you, even if he sleeps with you he may still not like your personality that much.

    And well, some really don't like the idea, just the way things are, you can choose to not get involved with them.

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    • Very true. We are responsible of everyone we let into our lives.

  • *Reads all responses*

    You see, this shit, this shit right here? This is why I don't like people.

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    • Yup. We all have a lot to learn about ourselves.

  • This question makes little sense.

    It's like asking someone why do they want chicken, why don't they want beef. It's because it's what they want.

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  • For me, when some girl goes on an on about how she doesn't want a boyfriend so then I treat our late night meetings like that, then they get all upset because the issue with dating culture today is this. Two people are scared of feelings so they try to out asshole each other. And the first person to admit they like something not superficial gets burned. So they hook up and hope that it just turns into a relationship without someone admitting to liking their conversations or how much they have in common

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  • Who says we don't want a relationship?
    We just don't want it with a hoe.

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    • Agree, women are sex animals.

    • @Robin48 What about men?

      That's sexist. People are individually different, no matter if you are male or female.

  • My assumption is that because girls change their opinion from minute to minute. One minute they will say they love you. The next they will dump you because you missed their phone call.

    It's a lot of drama which is stressful and a lot of girls aren't mentally stimulating so there's a point of boredom in being pressured to spend time with them but only having small talk emotional conversations all day. So sex is the other way to spend the time

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    • Not all girls are like that. You haven't met a mature woman it sounds like. Not all women are created equally.

    • Perhaps

  • Their "problem" is that they simply don't want a relationship, in the same way that you perhaps do not want blowfish sushi.

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  • What can a woman offer me that an escort cant? Why should I be forced to spend money on average, fat to unattractive women and not be given anything in return (relationship/sex) or be used when I can pay for an escort that gives me guaranteed companionship, freedom of choice to pick who you want, looks like a model and fucks like a porn star? If women never bring anything to table or even bother to invest in me then why should I waste time, money and energy on them.

    Logically the way I see it is, why would you get a cow, when you only really need the milk? Why buy a woman with hard work, time, energy and money when I can rent a woman for only hard cash?

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    • Sounds like some men are afraid of investing in a woman. The milk and cow thing quote gets old.

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    • Hey sausage, I love sci-fi shit.

      nah jk. That was a great fictional story I just read up there. Thanks!

    • Mock me all you want, without doing any research that goes against my argument you resolve to ignorance and poking fun. I consider my self case rest.

      You go now enjoy your sci fi flix with your abundance of feline friends okay pettle.

  • Because I am 25 and still a virgin. I don't want to be tied down in a relationship yet, and I think it is hypocritical of all these girls that slept around to expect me to show commitment, unless they are virgins themselves but that's not what I'm looking for. I just don't want to die feeling that I only ever slept with one woman and she already had more partners than me.

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    • Yeah that's what sucks about the guys that wait until marriage and get stuck with a non virgin. The guy will die only knowing how one pussy felt and the woman will remember all the dicks she had and how husband will never live up to that.

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    • That's ok glad you think you know so much about women. Don't worry not gonna torchure you, just don't comment avoid the blog.

    • I don't think I know much about women, hence why I am still a virgin. I said don't torture me about relationships as in, women should not pressurise inexperience guys like me to commit when we show interest in you. Inevitably we will cave in, because we want sex, but we will do so begrudgingly and the women that do this will NOT find the satisfactory relationships they are looking for. This is not the case for the inexperienced men that don't mind of course otherwise, women are better off finding men that are already experienced and looking to settle down for relationships. See? I'm not trying to moralise: this way is better for everybody.

  • you're devoting your time, effort, money and emotional labour into another human being, its a big investment. Most girls are more trouble than they're worth.

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    • Not always. It can be really great.

      Who's to say men are always investing money into things. I feel like I have more to loose than the men I date.

  • Some guys just like being alone. besides relationships are a lot of work and can be stressful, so sometimes its not always a good time to be in one. however, sex is kind of a primal desire shared by all humans. so they may go out and fill that need.

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  • Feminism made you equal now. You don't need us. This being the case, the current "normal" feels like an entitled demanding feminst, know it all, expert in everything, bitch to me.

    I like what's between your legs but I am not willing to deal with the rest of you. I'd rather pay in fact than put up with the "she thinks she has a dick" American woman. I'll get a nice Asian raised woman for a relationship eventually.

    Oh, and the instant weight gain once you think we're hooked ain't gonna fly with me

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  • Their problem is that they aren't content with one conquest. They want as many notches cut into the bedpost as they can get. They just don't really care about the girl, only what she's got to offer.

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    • I know, but why wouldn't you want more? I don't get it. I feel like that maybe the case for someone younger and in college or something, but what about the 31 year old men?

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    • I work with a lot of contractor's and trust me for them doing outside work, they have the biggest beer bellies I have ever seen. lol. You must know some hot old fellas lol. Lucky guuuuy haha.

    • If a guy is still single by choice and has reached the age of 50, chances are he's not really going to care either way...

  • Why?
    Look up how men are arse raped in divorce courts. That is why.

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    • Please not all men are rich, and not all women are housewives. There are a majority of men who make less money than the women they marry.

      Guys who are always thinking that the men are going to "get raped" in court, drive me crazy. Where are all these men that make more money then the women that they date?

      Not all women quit their jobs. Honestly I've always been afraid that I would be the one getting "raped" in court if anything went wrong. I was engaged once.

      Marriage is a risk, and so is any relationship.

  • i only dont want a relationship with booty calls whose personality I don't like, if she's hot but a pain in the ass or not fun why would i want a relationship?

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    • Agree, I wouldn't date a guy I didn't like.

      Actually the guy that I liked is really bad in bed. Maybe I should be happy he doesn't want a relationship. Guess that could mean bad sex for years to come lol.

    • lol i dont blame u good sex is important for compatibility

  • Well, relationships, marriage, family are just not my thing. I'm not against them, I don't condemn them, I don't think men shouldn't do it and blah blah blah. It's just not my thing. And - as I stated several times here - the reason is simply because I love my freedom and independence too much to be commited with someone.

    So, what is left for me is casual sex, friends with benefits and stuff like that. Attention: I never said I gave up relationships IN ORDER TO have casual sex. I gave them up so I can follow my own plans and dreams in a free way (like traveling the world etc). Having casual sex and friends with benefits is just a consequence of my choice. And even if I never had casual sex anymore, I would still not want a relationship.

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  • Women are a pain in the ass. Too much drama and we're the ones who have to pick up the check at the end of the night. Why would I pay money for a headache? Maybe if dating was free like it is for women we'd be as willing.

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    • Also consider another thing. When women want casual sex, they can find it quickly and easily. A night at the bar, a few days on Tinder, it's easy as hell for women. When men want casual sex, we can't always just pick from a horde of women who are literally waiting for an opportunity. We actually have to try and find it and work for it.

  • What's your problem that you think everyone has to want a relationship?

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    • You don't understand my question. It's personal, and I'm not thinking that everyone has to want a relationship.

      I'm just confused in why guys make you think that they want one, and their behaviors all add up to it, and then they spring it on you that they don't 3 months down the road.

      It's the guys are manipulators.

    • Ahhh yes, I follow. Chances are the lack of honesty is purely that, a manipulation.

      Some folks are users, it's just who/what they are.

  • Everytime I've gotten into a relationship I've been screwed over. So now the thought process is fore go the potential of opening up to someone only to get hurt and instead just have fun.

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  • we want sex but we donΒ΄t want a clingy girl that wonΒ΄t let us any freedom to do what we want xD

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    • I can see that. No one wants their freedoms taken away.

    • yeah and sometimes you also just want some fun. sex isnΒ΄t just about sticking your dick in a vagina but you also donΒ΄t want to go full on relationship just for a little fun.

  • why does there have to be a problem? I just cannot stand all the bullshit that is associated with being in a serious relationship.

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  • For some people it's a defense mechanism... look at Barney's character in HIMYM he has some serious daddy issues seeing as how his father left him while he was a kid and he uses meaningless sex to hide the pain

    I get it in some sense but people that do it for bragging rights are stupid and don't deserve a realtionship

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  • More from Guys
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What Girls Said 18

  • I mean if the guy is honest about his intentions then what is the problem? It's just wrong when he pretends that he wants more and basically lies about his intentions. If a girl gets upset that a guy only used her for sex, but he said that was all he wanted from the beginning, then she has no right to use that against him. That's just me though. I honestly am not the kind of girl to have casual sex with different people but I have friends who do (and it's completely okay).

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    • what if he never said anything in the beginning about wanting a relationship because the girl never asked? Like the whole time it was simply nothing was said about it between both parties and the girl falls for the guy? Is it still the guys fault?

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    • and no I don't give a shit what other people do

    • cause it's people's actions of what they do and what they say is the way that I am

  • God, so many bitter angry men here. I've been rejected and mistreated by guys I dated, but I never blamed the entire gender. I saw each guy as a separate person with his own reasons and issues. They weren't ready, they were too scared, too immature, or just not into me. A couple of times they turned out to prefer men. I was hurt a lot, but I try to learn from the experiences and understand their reasons instead of hating on the whole gender.

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  • If a guy is honest and open and tell the girl that he doesn't want to have a relationship then it's not a problem. The real problem will be with the guy says he wants a serious relationship then just ends up acting like his single or there are lying and cheating involved from his side and then the blame is on her.

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  • Nothing.. they just want sex and no commitment. Thats it. The problem is a lot guys just don't want to commit, they want to sleep with as many woman as possible. Not all men are like that though.. but a lot are.

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  • They are not mature enough or responsible enough to be committed.

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    • @redxiii74 my hobby is to roam this site that is filled with weirdos lol maybe I'm one of them too after all

    • Brah guys hesitate because women are materialistic and have gold digging tenancies. They have a princess mentality, and have a lack of accountability. And treat sex like a gift or prize. Happy birthday! here's sex. Happy Valentine's day! here's sex. Buy me stuff! here's sex. Spoil me! here's sex. The only thing a girl nowadays does in a relationship, is have sex with you and stress you. (But not all women)

  • It's unwise to invest in a long-term commitment in achieving short-term satisfaction.

    Relationships are time-consuming and admit it or not, money-grabbing, and if the love shared is one-sided, then a couple is wasting its time.

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  • because it can be harder for guys to get girls, than it can be for girls to get guys. So guys have to skip from girl to girl, to get a solid partner count.

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  • I am just here to say i like the underwear photo.

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    • lol "Girls Ask Guys" website through it on there.

    • I wonder if they would have chose a picture of like say a really happy couple, the would've got more female responses, but since maybe they chose the underwear photo they got a whole bunch of male responses.

  • I feel like you are refering to someone just by the question you asked. Its personal preference, or could be they are not that interested in that person.

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  • Some people just don't like relationships. Not everyone sees the world the same way.

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  • Because they have not reached the level of maturity yet. But later on, they will grow old and regret it.

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    • I think it's more not being able to get a girl they want for a relationship but they can find someone they want to sleep with and spend a bit of time with.
      ie she is gorgeous but makes a lot less money and has more expensive spending habits so you want to avoid combining finances.

  • Because sex is enough for them, if they can get easy sex from a girl and that's enough for them, whatever floats their boat then. Should it be called a 'problem'? I doubt, they live their life how they want. If they feel happy, then so be it.

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  • They are hurt and insecure πŸ˜‰

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  • Well just think of guys that liked you but you did NOT feel the same way about them at all. You wouldn't want them to ask you what's your problem for not liking them. I'm not attacking you either. It sucks when you meet someone and you think "let's take things slow.. get to know each other and see where things go" but they're like "um yeah Im not looking for a relationship. I'm interested in a friends with benefits." But you just gotta believe them & either accept it or move on. But never try to change their mind. You'll just waste your time or probably even worst... get hurt. So just try to move on to someone who want more than just casual sex. All the bestπŸ™‚

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  • Why does it matter has long has there straightforward about it in the beginning?

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  • they j want to fuck and not bc they actually love someone

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  • I think it's fine. It's not what they want so they shouldn't settle down, no one has to have sex with them either if they don't want a guy was like that and kind find anyone and tries to settle down you can always reject him. it all works out. I know women who go this route too now. It's easier with a career and if/when they want kids they can just go out and get pregnant and raise that baby on their phone or with another girlfriend who is doing the same thing. In fact I know women playing a different game all together- I have 2 friends who are best friends wildly successful women who are straight but married to each other to raise their kids together... they both still date, they just feel like they have more security that way. I say too each their own. Everyone should be able to do this if they want... I mean I have friends who like sex with guys but the company of women so they do the casual thing. hopefully we just keep moving towards men and women being treated the same for it.

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  • I don't think it's a "problem" some people just don't like commitment. Or they do and their way of showing emotions is through sex or something of that sorts.

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