He's not over his ex but I want him, good idea?

Met this guy at college (lives in the same block of dorms as me). He's amazing. First thing I noticed about him: really, really nice. Friendly. Sweet. Smiley. He looks facially like Leo Dicaprio (gets it quite a lot) but he's very tall and much broader/stronger looking than Leo, yet he doesn't work out (naturally nice body). We sometimes study together and he's an absolute gent, so sweet and hilariously funny. He makes me laugh so much that now I smile as soon as I see him. He began teasing me almost from the get-go. Only downside: he can have a bitchy side which I don't like. Trying to tone it down. Very offputting. But the rest of him is so hot. I know he had one girlfriend before for 3 years but she cheated on him and left him. Girl is an absolute nutcase and a total bitch. But it's clear he still likes her. She came to our place once with her new guy and he was in an absolutely awful mood. He's also asked her to hang out as friends (= still likes her). Yet he's flirted with me for quite a long time. He asked me out when we initially met, but I was seeing someone. Since that didn't work out, I've hinted massively at how single I am now but he doesn't seem to get it. We do spend time one-on-one though and he always tells me he enjoys it, he offers to buy me drinks and offered to help me do up my place (without me asking). I'm crushing on him pretty hard. We went out last night in a group and he was sitting on the other side of the table. We were talking but the music was loud and he couldn't hear me so every time I spoke he would come to my side and crouch down next to me to listen clearly to what I was saying. Everyone else seemed to notice because he didn't go and sit next to anyone else. I'm quite flirty back with him but he hasn't made any sort of move. How do I, and more importantly, should I progress this?
Turned out I was wrong. He's not into me, he's been trying to set me up with another guy. Even though he recently told his friend that he thought I was really hot and he keeps telling me I'm a "really lovely, great girl". He's friendzoning me basically. He likes the bad girls, clearly. Time for me to move on and give this up. He'll probably kick himself in a year when that bitch still doesn't want him. I don't have time for idiots. Erase, rewind.


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What Guys Said 3

  • that sounds good overall for me :) yeah he could still have something to do with that bitch, but i think once he finds a really nice connexion with you, he will totaly forget about her :) you said he always offers to buy you drinks or do things with you? well good. use one of these opportunities to go to the next level. just tell him you are enjouing that moment and you would like if he went with you to some place you like :)

    • Yeah... that has happened before... we often go off by ourselves after hanging out with other guys and he's even given me rides home before, but he's such a gentleman and doesn't try anything. I think maybe he doesn't know if I'm interested so I just need to take the initiative and move it forward.

    • yes. do that :) you don't need to take initiative if you don't want that, just give him hints :P

  • Why don't you ask him out? It should be obvious by now we don't understand signs or signals and we can't read minds either. We only understand words. You have a mouth use it

    • Yeah... that doesn't really work in my experience, men like to be the askers.

      We often drink together so I could try and kiss him when he's drunk and see how he responds. If it goes badly/he says no/he's not interested, I can always blame it on the alcohol!!

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    • Yes I have

    • Fair enough. From my experience, I rarely see women asking men out with the men ending up falling for them, but that's my anecdotal experience, not scientific.

  • three years is a long time... clearly he had something going on there so its understandable for him to have some feelings for him...

    what I can say is when a guy really hurts he needs time to work on his heart...(you're doing an amazing job at helping him get there by the way keep it up)
    he basically needs to learn to trust women again... so he's working on it with you.

    he clearly likes you as well... he's just working his way to it... so my advice, be patient n continue enjoying your flirtations n meet ups (its fun don't ruin it) at least he's not got any other girls in sight (right?) so you're ok,
    but be very suggestive in your actions not words... as much as you can... trust me he's thought about it n there's so much hope for you, he just doesn't feel its the right time.

    • Yeah, maybe I should give him more leeway on still having feelings for her.

      I think if we did date, I wouldn't like him to hang out with her though, until he'd totally gotten over his feelings.

      Also, at least he has the self awareness to say: "I was good for her". I don't like guys who are doormats.

    • you're good just continue what you're doing n eventually you'll be together happy.

      remember if he has so much fun with you he'll definitely not need to think about her.

      when you guys date then just tell him its not the best of ideas for him to hang around her cz that's a sensitive issue esp for him... cz it will be testing himself n may end up failing.

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