How in the world is a girl as beautiful as you still single?

So I recently signed up for Plenty of Fish as a way of really putting myself out there to meet more women. The question is a message I sent to a girl. Below is what she sent me back.

"That's one of the most annoying backhanded compliments men give out. Look? I'm not "still" single. That would imply that I'm "waiting" to not be single. I'm not. I don't give a flying fuck about being in a relationship. I'm single because I have yet to meet someone I want to be with. It has zero to do with "how beautiful" I am, and 100% to do with my standards. So kindly fuck off with your bullshit"

The message I sent her was just a compliment and a friendly conversation starter at least in my mind. It wasn't intended to be rude or disrespectful so I don't quite understand why she got so up in arms about the message I sent. She sends me this message after she views my profile, which is the following.

"Hello! Hi my name is Q and I'm new here to the Charleston. People describe me as being compassionate, strong, and loving. I believe in chivalry, only for that special someone. I also like to surround myself with positive, optimistic people. I'm looking for someone who's also compassionate, fun, outgoing, and can hold an intelligent conversation. I'm on this site in hopes of meeting someone truly amazing and sharing even better experiences. Thanks for reading,

"What are your opinions? What could I have said, done, or written better?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I wouldn't have reacted so harshly, but I'll admit I find that opening line annoying as hell too, seeing as attractiveness doesn't have to have anything to do with why I'm single. It comes across as "You're hot, why are you having a hard time getting a boyfriend? What's wrong with you?" which can be seen as backhanded. But her reaction was too much.

    The best opener is an honest one: I liked your profile, you're very beautiful, I wanted to reach out, etc.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You assumed that every woman feels desperate to get into a relationship. She focused on the assumption that you made rather than the comment on her appearance. You can tell a woman she is beautiful without making the assumption.

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 9

  • Well, not that I would've gone off on you like she did, but think about it. How exactly was she supposed to answer that question you sent her? She would probably have to look at herself, like "huh. Why am I still single after all? Is there something wrong with me?" Which is what makes it a backhanded compliment. It looks like a compliment but subtly puts her down.

    But her response was a little silly, considering she's on a dating site which implies she's looking to change her relationship status. I would've been a little annoyed at your question too, but she kinda went off a little too much.

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    • How Could my profile description be better or is it fine the way it is

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    • I'm a private person and I don't like expressing too much of who I am. I don't know if you believe in that Myers-Briggs type indicator stuff but I'm an infj personality. I'll definitely improve my profile though and try to make it more expressive

    • You gotta give them something to go on. If your profile is a blank slate, there's nothing to get attracted to.

  • Maybe she got offended in the name of every woman out there who is maybe not that particularly good looking, because it sounds AS IF AN UGLY GIRL IS DETERMINED to remain single for ever because she is "ugly" and a beautiful woman IS NOT because she is beautiful.

    I understand where she is coming from, maybe you should avoid that question next time :)

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  • I can actually relate a bit, but personally if i got that message i probably would've just anwwered "lol, ok". Seemgly people often assume most girls are just dying get in a relationship, and people tell me "you will find someone soon" or "you are too picky" etc, like the only thing i need to finally get sometihing good in life is just date, even if its a good im not even that into

    So in a sense some girls, including me, grows thinking one of the few imoprtant things in life is being in a relatiosnhip. Im just glad i personally have stoped beliving that guys = happiness of some sort. I get where she comes from though. As far as my opinion on what you can have written better; tell her a joke, ask about her intrerest, something not generic

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  • I love your response back to her. With an attitude like that, thats why she is still single. yes i myself can understand her frustration, but there was a nicer way she could of responded.

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    • to finish, i get tired of getting advice from my sister who is in her 40s about who to date when she isn't with anybody herself... i find that annoying as heck lol

    • I understand now after reading some of the comments what I said was a very bad thing to say. I made it seem without realizing it at there's something wrong with "her", which wasn't my intention in any way. Have her that's how it was perceived by her. What advice would you have for me moving forward

    • say hi, tell your name and say "I seen your profile and you seem like someone i would like to get to know. would you like to talk?". Thats what I would say :-) I hope this helps

  • It's a cheesy line to say but there was no reason to be that damn rude and upset about it.

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  • LMAO. Just say hey. Why be so extra?

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    • Haha, "Hey" never works. Is probably a couple of thousand other guys this week that said "Hey" to her

  • Ouch. Her response was pretty unecessary but I don't disagree with her. It's a backhanded compliment and cheesy. I wouldn't start with that line again. Try a joke or something about her interests next time. Definitely don't say crap like that.

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  • Stupid questions get stupid answers

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  • shes's a first class bitch!! Stay away from psychos like her

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What Guys Said 21

  • I think it's easier if you actually hold off on the heavy compliments. It works better in my opinion to just talk to her like an ordinary person like, "Hey, how's it going? What's it like in Charleston?" This type of thing. You can even go into some very interesting subjects, challenge her viewpoints a bit, tease her, joke around, have some fun.

    When you go with pick-up lines like that, it either works magnificently or already starts you off with her on the defensive. Even if she's more polite and courteous about it than this girl, it's not quite as easy to work that towards an interesting conversation that makes you stand out from every other guy who found her attractive.

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    • Especially with pick-up lines, I think you could dispense with them completely and possibly be even better off. At least I never found them to help anything in my case. The only exception was one time when I said jokingly to a girl passing by in a night club, "Hey, nice shoes," and then she kissed me, but she was really drunk.

    • For girls who are especially attractive, I think it's actually better to err on the side of almost never complimenting their looks outside of a relationship. Just that alone will make you stand out from every other guy if you focus on interesting conversation topics besides how attractive she is to you. Just place yourself in such a girl's shoes. If you open up with a compliment especially, you come off like:

      You: "Hey gorgeous, I'm yet another of the thousands of guys who find you attractive and have given you compliments before. Here's yet another compliment about your looks to make me behave just like every one of those other guys."
      Girl: "Kthx whatever, I get that all the time and it's really boring and getting old now. Kbye."

  • Thank GOD I don't have to try the dating card today's generation! What does it sound like? It sounds like she isn't the love of your life, that's for sure!!! Could you imagine going to PTA meetings married to that psycho analyzing broad? WHAT A NIGHTMARE!!! Try older women, you'll be fine.

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    • Maybe you should try reaching out GraveyTrain here!!! Her opinions always seem to be pretty well rounded, I see them frequently. Probably be a hell of a lot better date than Karen the Cobra, the PTA's worst nightmare come to life!

  • That reaction is a bit uncalled for, but at the same time that's a pretty lame opening line man. I'm in the POF game as well, and trust me that kinda stuff never works. She's probably getting 100 messages per day from guys all commenting on how pretty she is, so you have to switch it up and stand out from the pack. As a general rule of thumb... NEVER tell a girl she is pretty, unless she's your wife or long term girlfriend.

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    • Any ideas on how I can improve my profile description

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    • Oh and in terms of your messages... what I said before still applies.

      Pretty girls already know they're pretty, and they're getting a thousand messages per day from guys who are all saying the same thing. This means nothing to them. Instead, compliment her on her dress, jewelry, etc. If you want to get fancy, then you can say something like... you have nice green eyes, so you shouldn't be trying to cover that up with all that makeup... or something like that.

      Most girls are very insecure with their looks and sense of style, even very attractive ones. So the trick is to leverage on those insecurities in a subtle yet, positive way. This is how you set yourself apart from the rest of the clowns who are saying the exact same thing as what you did in your message haha. Good luck man

    • Thanks for the advice man!

  • Dude, never send a message regarding a girl's appearance or ask how are you still single. That's very cliche and girls can smell desperation from a mile away.

    Her reaction was extreme but try asking a girl something about her that's related to her profile. It's not guaranteed to work but it definitely increases your chances as opposed to saying something like you're beautiful, pretty, etc.

    They pretty much figure you're attracted to them if you're messaging them.

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  • Your opening line was very cliché and not really saying anything, but so was her message: just another cookie cutter party girl...

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    • Remember: compliment a pretty girl on her intelligence (even if she's not intelligent).

  • Not a Girl but been there. She is a Feminist and thought you were a patriarcal man because of your chivalrous post.
    If she was Thirty and above, it could be you also hit her nerve because she is not able to maintain serious relationships or get the best looking party guys like before.
    I don't know what you could have done better as I try to stay away from this type of women.

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  • Well, she did inadvertently answer your question!

    Most women seem to consider Internet dating to be a last resort, a humiliation of sorts. Thus, most women you find online are going to have problems.

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  • Duuuude, bitch went off the deep end. She's still single not because she hasn't met a guy she wants to be with, it's because no guy wants to put up with her shitty ass personality.

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  • Face is not everything. She might be some crazy bich. Shitty attitude etc. Pretty don't mean shit if she has issues.

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  • "I don't give a flying fuck about being in a relationship." and she is on a dating site*mind blown* With that logic who would want her !!

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  • Get off of Plenty of Fish. What they do have is plenty of fatties and single moms fishing for a sucker with a fat wallet.

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  • The questions makes it sound like being "unsingle" is of utmost importance.

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  • Aww thanks, you're too kind💕. Tbh I don't think I'm very beautiful...

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  • Lol she's obviously a stuck up bitch. But yeah your comment could still be annoying but that doesn't mean she has to reply like that. Move on to some nicer girl. Bitches like this make people believe that attractive women are stuck up but its not true for all of them. There are beautiful women with nice personalities out there but next time dont use that line byy that woman was a stuck up bitch regardless.

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  • Never tell a girl she is beautiful.

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  • She is on a dating site... She IS waiting to not be single. So yeah she is just a fucking moron.

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  • I'd say like "Hi, I like your profile" and keep it simple

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  • And you got your answer didn't you?

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  • Now you no why the cock sucker is single.

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  • Pft. You gave her a well meaning compliment and she, probably after browsing through a dozen or so of those decided to lecture one of them due to what I'd assume is boredom and frustration.
    Now one thing no one seems to be remarking on yet is your *Very mature* response to encountering this where you immediately look for means to improve how you approach. Bravo. Good attitude.

    I see nothing wrong with what you wrote - I also see nothing interesting in it.
    What she wrote strikes me as dull enough that you'd have to be a 10/10 for it to work. But maybe some people like dull.

    Personally I'd write something lighthearted. Definitely do tell her a bit about yourself though, that is something she did right in her example. Seizing the opportunity to tell some kind of funny or goofy story would be far better than the generic nonsense you got. If you're not good with that, why not share an odd talent? Your goal is to give her something interesting to respond to, get a smile or a laugh and Stand Out.

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  • She probably has that cut and paste ready for most of her responses, surprised she even answered, I usually get no answers to any messages i send on most of those sites since they are either getting to many messsges or don't bother to take one minute to say not interested. Your profile seems fine but reason she is single is not her looks it's her personality, she is looking for Mr right but he is already married to Mrs right. Trust me it's like this on all the sites and I'm having the same problems but watch for the fake profiles with scammers

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