Should I expect more from my boyfriend?

I am a 21 year old female and my boyfriend is a 23 year old male. We have been seeing each other for about 7 months and been officially together for about 4. He's a nice guy but sometime I feel like I give him too much credit just for being nice. I feel like I give more than I receive. I am always bringing him food if I go out and get something for myself, or buying him little gifts just because. (I don't expect him to buy me gifts for no reason, but that is just something I like doing for others.) Nine times out of 10 if we go anywhere I am the one to drive, simply because he never offers and I always do. Our dates are pretty much 50/50 in terms of who pays. The only thing that I feel like he makes more of an effort than I do is in initiating contact, but I would expect for my boyfriend to want to talk to and hang out with me. Even then, we sometimes go 3 days without talking. He said that he feels like he tries so hard to talk to me and that we don't interact unless he brings up a topic first, which obviously isn't true. But when I do try to talk to him about a serious topic that's important to me, I usually get a not serious response, or a short, uninterested response. I don't really feel like our relationship has progressed much since the period of time when we were seeing each other. It feels very casual. I am his first girlfriend, but I've had serious relationships before him.

And when we get in a fight I feel no sense of urgency from him to solve it. I feel like I give him too much but that's just my nature in relationships. But maybe I see things differently than he does.


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What Girls Said 3

  • You can't base your expectations on what you give him. It's not fair to blame him or resent him for not meeting your expectations because you give more, all you can do is not give so much because that is within your control, what he chooses to give you is not. If your emotional needs aren't being met then determine if you're okay with that or not, if not, you then need to reassess the relationship.

  • Yeah, you can expect more from him and it sounds like there are some areas he could step up too. But it sounds like you two are pretty different people.

  • This is not what you want to hear right now, but you need to leave him. Listen to your gut, which sounds cliche, but I am dead serious. Your mind is trying to rationalize this whole situation because you don't want to think about facing a breakup. Do not doubt the problems you've noted above and continue to try to justify his behavior. There are guys out there who will invest all the time necessary to discuss important topics with you, because they care about you. You will never feel shut out or taken for granted. And I know this because my ex was just like your boyfriend, and it took me 2 years to finally stop rationalizing his actions and realize that I CAN do better. My current boyfriend has the qualities you want, which is someone who is giving in all ways and is not afraid to talk through tough things. With the right guy, you won't have to do any kind of tit-for-tat counting. It will be natural.


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