Is this cheating or not?

I have been dating my boyfriend for over a year. (1 year and 3 months) We are both faithful and we both love each other a lot. The other day he showed me some messages between him and his friend and I just so happened to scroll up and saw where his friend had a girl coming over to have sex and my boyfriend asked for pictures of the girls boobs. I asked him why he said that and he just said He didn't know because it was a long time ago (we had been dating for 9 months when this happened). He kind of turned it on me because 3 months into our relationship he saw a text on my phone to a guy friend telling him I loved him (completely as a friend) b/c he was going through a hard time. Its been a few days and I just dont feel like I can forgive him even though it wasn't that major. I dont know what to do in this situation because I love him more than anything and I want to be with him but stuff like this has happened before and he doesn't think its wrong. What should I do?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Its not uncommon for friends to share nudes (not that its good and I am not condoning it just saying it happens)
    It probably meant absolutely nothing to him and he wouldn't even think twice because it wasn't cheating for him however it could e viewed as so by you.

    That being said you should talk to him and make him understand that you are hurt by it. That should be enough to get him to stop (though not with porn this is a different situation). If he is unwilling to agree to avoid this kind of behavior in the future or if you catch him again than you should dump him.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I would actually call that cheating, but that is just me.

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What Guys Said 10

  • IF you think you are not overreacting then neither was he wrong for pointing out the thing you did with the friend.

    This is a case where you both have done minor things that barely if at all constitute cheating and now are facing problems mostly because of insecurity.

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    • Explain how you think I am overracting. I have barely talked to him about it because tbh I can't even look at him without wanting to slap him. Me telling a friend that I love him AS A FRIEND has nothing against him asking his friend for a girls nudes, watching videos similar to this, and other things. The only thing that he hasn't done is physically cheat on me or him actually text a girl and ask for pictures. However I did find texts when he was sexting a girl when I believe we had started dating. He knows that I don't do open relationships and he claims that he did that because he didn't think I was serious about us when I showed that I was. I don't know what insecurity I would have causing me to be this way either.

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    • Apparently he just wants to continue socializing with this friend - ie by getting the nudes said friend gets.

    • Though don't get me wrong - I do not support what the guy is doing. I wouldn't explicitly ask for nudes in a relationship.

  • I "almost" feel like this is something similar to porn.

    If he would ask a girl for pics with boobs you could consider it cheating. If he would ask a friend for pics of... another friend (that is not in a relationship with the first friend) you might have reasons to consider this as well...

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  • I don't think either instance is technically cheating, but neither of you sound nearly as "faithful" as you claim you are.

    I say you call it even for now, and each work on yourselves to be more faithful to each other.

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  • have you told him before how you felt about it? I personally wouldn't tolerate it in a relationship unless you have an open one there's a lot of questions not answered in this I'd need more info

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    • He has done things like this in the past while we were dating and each time I've found out about it I have told him that I am hurt by it and that he needs to stop if he wants to continue to date but he keeps doing it. we definitely don't have an open relationship. I asked him if I wasn't good enough because we've had sex and I do send him pictures. He makes it known he likes what he sees but it doesn't seem like it when he goes and finds other girls pictures. He said he was sorry and he knows sorry isn't going to cut it but other than that he just shrugs it off like nbd.

    • he's making a collection of nudes then for possibly a number of reasons but in this case yeah its cheating an you deserve better you have shown by this that your not going to stand your ground an your going to allow it to happen so he does it if you want respect for your relationship you have to stand by what you say an it ain't going to happen with this guy

  • It's not cheating but at the same time it's not a good behavior. Tell him you don't like it and how you feel about cheating stuff

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  • Telling a guy friend you love him is far worse of a thing to do honestly.
    You both sound like annoying people who I wouldn't have nerves to deal with.

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  • I would not call it cheating.

    And of the two, I'd say the test saying you love a guy is a lot more cheaty than asking to see someone's boobs.

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  • Looking at boob pics isn't cheating.

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  • You sound like your over-reacting. I've sent nudes of me and other girls to my friends and most of them are in serious relationships. Your own insecurities are going to destroy your relationship just because he saw tits. like is he not allowed to watch porn aswell?

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    • Don't see how I am overreacting. Also no he doesn't watch porn from what I know. We have sex and I do send him pictures. He hasn't just seen boobs it's other stuff he just hasn't physically had sex with another girl. I also don't have any insecurities that are going to destroy my relationship so I don't know what you're talking about there.

  • I think you are both in the wrong for what each of you has done. You should both agree to stop that behavior if you really want it to last.

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    • I haven't done any type of behavior? I had a best friend who was going through a really rough time and I told him that I was here for him and that I loved him.

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    • He has many girl friends and is closest girl friend is actually best friends with his ex. Once we started dating I stopped talking to most of my guy friends and only kept a select few but he still talks to all of his girl friends

    • Nobody should still be talking with an ex. You have the right to demand that he stops that. Being around an ex will eventually lead to problems with your relationship. Either cheating, or perceived cheating when the ex wants him back and does stuff to sabotage your relationship.

What Girls Said 12

  • It's bad behavior. I don't think i would be happy with someone who did that and dealt with conflict that way.

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  • While I don't exactly see it as cheating I would be hurt if my husband did that as well. Porn is one thing, someone he may see in our social circle is another.
    I think this is a good opportunity for both of you to set your limits, if he felt uncomfortable by you speaking with your friend that way he has a right to have his feelings taken into account for your future behaviour. Just as yours matter about him asking for nudes of his mates bed buddies. Both of you can compromise and adjust to make each other feel comfortable

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  • It's no different than looking at porn. As long as the girl gave consent to have her pic shared, nothing wrong here.

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  • You saying some words is entirely different to him asking to see naked photos of another girl while he's dating you. That is betrayal and I wouldn't accept that excuse or behaviour.

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  • Yeah I be pissed.. if he's asking for pictures of girls boobs from his friend. He shouldn't be asking for that stuff.

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  • Yeah it is and why would that friend do it anyway wow I never knew guys were that sick

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  • I don't think it's cheating but its definitely not respectful of the relationship.

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  • I don't think this is cheating at all, but I do think it is wrong and should be talked about. Boys are stupid and don't really think things through. If this happens multiple time, then leave him.

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  • Forgive? It's big mistake!

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  • Leave him.

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  • I don't think I would call it cheating but it is completely disrespectful towards you. I am sure he wouldn't appreciate it if you got pictures of other guys. As for you saying that to your friend... I can see where he is coming from but you meant it as a friend. I honestly think you guys need to sit down and talk about what's bothering you before it builds up into something worse

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  • Its not cheating but it is disrespectful. Its also not cool how he turned the situation on you because he couldnt explain why he wanted a nude picture of another girl. Telling a male friend you love him is not wrong and in no way can make up for someone asking for pictures of another girls breasts when he has a girlfriend. You should just talking (calmly of course) it out and tell him that you didn't appreciate that he had done that and try to resolve both issues.

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