Is it ok to still contact ex boyfriends while in a relationship?

Just wondering if its healthy to keep in contact with an x while in another relationship. Why do men feel uncomfortable with their partner keeping contact with xs?


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25

Most Helpful Guy

  • Guys have insecurities and jealousies. Why do you need to stay in touch with an ex?

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What Guys Said 24

  • It's fine as long as you don't step over your current bf's toes... cross your t's and dot your i's

    However most won't like it. Girls and guys. Talk to them if you think you really can have a lasting friendship, otherwise it's just fiddling around and that's like throwing pebbles at your boyfriend for fun

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  • It comes from the potential they'd be a shoulder to cry on. While your self control is probably unimpeachable, shit happens. Asking why someone would feel uncomfortable about it is like asking, "why do birds fly or why the sky is blue?" It simply is a risk factor that could threaten to undermine trust in a relationship or cause a self-fulfilling prophecy. While that tension is founded on insecurity, it sounds like keeping ex's in the wing is an equal insecurity on your part. Like imagine if all three of you were to hangout... would it be strange? Maybe a nameless tension from being Eskimo brothers... People in relationships should be able to spend time with each others friends and I'll tell you from experience: it's weird as fuck to hangout like everything is chill when you know you're with your girl's ex... don't put someone you care about through that whether in person or elsewhere

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    • Would you still feel insecure if it's a case where your girlfriend was simply friends for years with that guy they entered a relationship and then became an x?

    • It is what it is. That doesn't inherently make me feel insecure (I'd have to be made of glass for that). The thing which would determine the awkwardness is if I could be his friend & if you made it clear to him that you were with me (that's saying nothing of how uncomfortable it would be for him). As I said before: I was in a similar situation with a girl I liked and the guy she had been with, who was both her friend a long time before and also my friend a long time before... it was still weird and honestly it would have been better not to hangout

  • I'm close friends with 2 of my exs and I understand how it's uncomfortable for anyone I'm Dating, so usually ask them to stop the playful spanking and things like that,
    Is it healthy? It depends on the ex I think, in your case if he's trying to get back with you or still have feelings for you, that's a no no, but if he's your friend, no problem with that, it important to be honest about it, specially with yourself, if you search your soul and discover that you like having them around cause you like how your boyfriend gets jealous, well that might be an issue
    Also most guys, me included, don't appreciate when are treated like they are being ridiculous for expressing a reasonable concern about you hanging out with an ex

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    • Thanks for your response, its insightful.

    • Well glad to have help, last idea, for me personally it's hard not to keep in touch with my last ex, she was my best friend for many years, maybe she still is , not just my girlfriend, and I can't just stop talking to her, I'm not seeing anyone right now, but when I am, I explain it exactly like that, and I am open about it, and hope they can trust me enough

    • I feel that in a relationship you should be able to trust your partner while observing them for odd behaviours if it is you might have any doubt. It is possible to have genuine friendship with an x. I try to stay away from an x who's single though.

  • Because, most of the time, the ex has another agenda. There's only one ex I've ever been able to maintain a friendship with, and that's because a couple years went by before we began to talk again. She was privy to talking to her exes too, some of which didn't even hide their intentions of wanting to have sex with her. It's very thin ice to walk, and your boyfriend has every right to be uncomfortable. He doesn't have the right to control who you talk to, but respect is a mutual thing. Every girl I've met who holds your viewpoint will also get very angry if the guy continues to talk to his ex girlfriends.

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  • depends on what the intent is. If the relationship has been over for a long time. I dont think its wrong to talk to that person but if it gets to a point where is intruding yeah may not be a good idea

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  • Its okay, BUT only if the current relationship is steady. As it would be bad for the boyfriend and ex boyfriend to fight.

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    • While some women love those kind of dramas, i would dread something like that happening.

    • Thats why I say to make sure your current SO understands its just being friends and that he knows not to make a huge hub dub. Over you chilling with your ex.

      As I believe if ones new partner is that closed minded you may as well leave. As realistically its a huge accomplishment to be able to see an ex as a friend once again.

  • Occasionally, and I mean like 6 month occasionally. And it is because men hate putting a face to a woman's past. Imagine being in a room with the girls he's been with. Imagine how that would feel

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  • Because old feelings have a habit of becoming new feelings. If you where intimate with the person once you keeping close contact with the person increases the odds of you getting intimate with them again. I personally would be concerned (depending on the level of contact).

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  • No. It can be lead to a can of worms. They are an ex for a reason.

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  • I wouldn't like my girl to be texting an ex or any guy tbh. If your current boyfriend is okay with it, then it's okay, if not, then why not do what your partner wishes.

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  • If you and your ex are friends I don't see a problem with it. Some guys are insecure or jealous and think you are cheating on them or want your ex back. I'm friends with my ex, and if anyone had a problem with it I'd leave them before I ditched a friend

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    • We share similar views, I think a guy should be able to put his insecurities aside and trust his girlfriend and a must be observant enough to tell wether or not his girlfriend is type to cheat. I would never keep an x around who still has interest in me sexually.

    • Exactly. That trust needs to be there

  • Not unless he owes you money or something along those lines.

    Why? Because he's your ex right? Why are you still contacting him otherwise? Whatever the answer aside from getting your belongings out of his place or some unfinished matter regarding finances or something along those lines, is not one I'm going to listen to. I'd tell you to go be with him because your obviously not done with him.

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  • Sure, if you want to be single the instant he finds out, IF he has self respect.

    Women don't "keep in touch with exes," they keep a potential fuck on the back burner.

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  • Of you guys are still friends I don't see why not.

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  • What exactly are you getting from the ex? Validation? Stroke your ego? Just catching up on your feelings?

    Guys hang around girls they've been with for one reason - hoping they can get her back. Your current guy understands this.

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    • Not every x have hopes of getting back together... friendship can occur after a relationship as ended if each party is emotionally mature enough

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    • We ended on really good terms. It was mutual and for the best. I don't feel like I failed with her, I feel like being mature enough to realize we weren't suited for each other, calmly bringing it up and deciding to stay friends instead is a pretty cool success. Sure, I don't have a girlfriend now, but I still have my best friend. She's a great person and I still want her in my life even if we aren't dating.

    • @notallthere98 Yes, you're very young. It's probly for the better.
      As you get a little older you'll prioritize your time better, it will become more valuable to you.

      And there are more girls to date out there, so get back out there and find a few, spin some plates. :)

  • nooooo

    leave him and let live him

    and also you live in now

    it would be better

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  • Certainly not to me if it's supposed to be a closed relationship (I don't do those anymore). My last girlfriend cheated on me with her ex while I was at work. One bad apple spoils the bunch and all that.

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    • I'm sorry you had to experience that but i get where you're coming from. I guess she was dishonest even to herself.

  • It depends a lot on the context.

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  • no-it'll cause issues.

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  • id prefer an email
    with the subject of what you want with a small amount of detail explaining it

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  • It will absolutely ruin any (most 99.3%) current relationship (s) to do anything except talk ABOUT any ex, and then only in a negative manner. But to continue to stay in any sort of contact with any ex, for most reasons (unless you have offspring with that ex) will surely spell doom for the vast majority of relationships.

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  • I would break up with the girl instantly if she did that. It is emotional cheating to be friendly with them.

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  • No, that's a bad idea. Don't keep contact with your ex. That might ruin your current relationship. Hey, should guys shave everywhere?

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    • In response to your question i take it that you're also referring to private parts. Well i think it depends on what your partner is ok with, some women dislike seeing hair on the private parts while some women don't mind it at all. However in my view its hygenic not to have a lot of hair under the armpits especially if you sweat a lot. Hair on chest is seen as sexy to some women while others prefer a bare chest to lay on. Discuss it with your partner.

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    • Yes i would but that would be unfair for him to do all that work. So i'd be contented with just the private parts and chest bare.

    • nah , a man would be glad to shave his WHOLE body for a pretty woman like you.

  • I think it's fine to have opposite sex friends while in a relationship which is all this would be in my opinion.

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