How do you guys actually bring yourselves to do "romantic" stuff?

Someone was asking me what I'm going to do for my girlfriend on Valentine's Day just now... Got me thinking.

I honestly cringe at the thought of doing anything even remotely romantic. I never cuddle after sex. I would never hold hands. I'd never go buy a girl flowers. I'd never send those sappy good morning text saying how beautiful she is. None of that.

I've always had women think I have absolutely no compassion towards them, even when I actually did. I've worked on being more attentive and paying attention to other people's lives other than my own throughout the years. My girlfriend today completely understands how I show my affection towards her, but it's never through romantic gestures.

I'm not trying to say I'm better than you, or my way is the right way by any means. I'm genuinely curious as to what goes through your mind when you do this kind of shit. Is it natural.. Do you force yourself to do it till these things become habitual? I'd personally rather cut off my dick then to send those sappy ass text messages or hold hands.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • It can feel cringe for me sometimes too, but it's more of me thinking of it from an outsider's perspective that makes me feel that way. For me, what helps is just thinking more about: "What would make this person that I care so much about feel the best they possibly could" and/or: "What is a physical way (outside of sex lol) that I can show them how much I care about them."

    I'm just making my man one of his favorite dinners, for example, and kicking it up. I also wrote him a note (don't make fun of me you cunt lol) basically conveying how much I care about him and such and put it in a card.

    As for how you show affection, everyone's different. A lot of the time I show affection by teasing my boyfriend and being an idiot lol, but I have my sappy moments too. Everyone's different

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Some guys just fall crazy in love and that's just what they want to do. They know that's what she's gonna like so it makes them feel good. There's also an element of "No one else can do this with this girl. I'm the only one" So I think for guys, the whole being sappy thing makes them feel like they are valued by the girl because of how much she might appreciate the flowers, or how excited she is to hold hands with you. Like you got to admit, when you got a girl who's so into you that the act of holding hands, holds romantic value, is pretty sweet. Even if you don't like holding hands. The fact that she would want to do it just to feel closer to you. But I think that's what those gestures do. It's a great question. You could probably spend a whole night debating over this.

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    • yes some guys fall deeply in love and feel like showing affection. Holding hands, cuddling and kissing are what only couples who TRULY LOVE EACH OTHER DO. Some people including the asker date for sex and not for lovemaking. And they also date because they want partnership NOT commitment. And girls who have poor self image love to be degraded and receive no love but dick

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    • @Nadzzz Oh, yea you guys got a cool thing going on with the poop. Those two are def siblings though. And by the way @asdsafgdtfg, it's generally impolite to hit on guys right in front of family members.

    • okay then no more hitting lol. But seriously I don't hit on anyone. I just share my opinions. To tell that you ate your girl's ass and other sexual stuff in front of your family members (siblings) is more impolite. Am I not right?

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 17

  • I send nudes ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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  • Yeah, the basic lust spark is missing in you but since you DO have a girlfriend that "understands" (= tolerates) you, this is what some of us do to avoid sappy, if she's in the mood.

    Even if both have jobs during the work week, longer lunch breaks are usually granted on this day. As you both race home a few minutes early, pick up a gourmet salad, pizza, whatever if not already prepared.
    Dine on this in PJs or less picnic style on floor in front of a romantic or sexy (or more) movie. Finished eating = time for making out that leads to sex right there.

    That said, some gals also need a card but it can be funny.
    At least tell her you love her.
    If that's a stretch for you, then think to yourself - where would you bo today if she walked out, no contact information = have to go shopping again for lesser quality goods, w/o sex and "love" for awhile... then perhaps a little appreciation might be mustered up

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  • Lucky lady. So how do you show your affection?
    I'm not into the sweetiepoopookins action but I think ideally a couple should be best friends who want to bang and do nice things for each other. I can't stand when the whole relationship is sweet talk because it has no substance, but once in a while is nice.
    I naturally want to do nice things for people I like but they're usually cool rather than cheesy.

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    • I don't really make a diligent effort or anything. If I'm forcing it, then it's not real. I just genuinely care about her and I think that alone shows through my actions. I'm always bringing her up to her 100%. I can read her pretty damn well at this point. If something is off with her that day or something is bothering her then I sort of naturally respond to it in a way that lets her know everything is going be fine without actually addressing the issue directly. I sometimes realize what happened in hindsight, but again, it's not like I'm going out of my way. I just let it happen naturally.

  • Dude, u make me think deep lol when I still had my first relationship, well I don't know, it just seems obligated to say goodmorning to a boyfriend so that it would remind him that u thought of him as soon as you wake up. Cuz that's weird of there's no greeting everyday and just normally texting each other later in the day like you're just buddies with each other. When you're in different location, I would usually say take care, I love you and yada yada. I just want to make a guy feel that he's important in my life

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  • You don't even hold your girlfriend's hand? Damn...

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    • Lol no and she's not really the type to want to hold hands either.

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    • Is that what normal couples do? Lmao I'm genuinely unaware. I'm far from normal and most are my friends are single or equally as crazy as me.

    • I thought that most couples at least held hands once in awhile.

  • To what I see there's 2 option : The guy who do it because his girlfriend want it and the guy who do it because he like doing it.
    So some force themselves to do it because they girlfriend would leave them / yell at them, etc...
    And the other just like to spoil their girlfriend and show their affection.

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  • Lol I ve never been in that situation and with my friends it s different obviously.
    I don t do the feely lovy stuff but I am a big spender haha 😅 and I like doing things big or making the day special for that person and I usually know pretty well what they like. So basically I just surprise them with a gift or outing one after the other. Or do it in a different timing etc...
    Basically I spoil them ahaha

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  • It doesn't need to be big gestures but no cuddling? Dude. I'd put it down to you being young but it sounds like you don't have emotions. You sound very cold.

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  • They don't need to bring themselves to do romantic gestures because people are different and equally they couldn't understand anti-romantics, how can they maintain relationship without a romance. People act as they feel the most comfortable in relationship, so it may be right to say it happens naturally. For some it just feels right to do romantic stuff.

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  • I dont do sappy shit either. But I'm a touchy feely girl so I like touching a guy and want to pet him like a sweet puppy who deserves a treat. However, if I see a giant teddy with generic chocolates/vday bs for me I will puke in his mouth. Im terrible at telling guys how I feel about them but I want them to tell me good things about me. I think it's fair.

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  • can't help because yeah I'm not a guy. I'm here for the opinions.

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  • Lol, I get it. Umm, for some people showing affection in blatant ways like buying chocolate and flowers, holding hands, kissing in public... comes natural. For me, I focus on my affection for the other person so it comes easy and feels natural to do or receive romantic gestures. It all starts with the mindustry and letting den some barriers. But the more you do it, it'll get easier.

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  • Even the toughest of girls wants to be treated with affection and told she's beautiful evdry once in a while.
    Valentines day is stupid but I recommend if you want a good long term relationship that you occasionally up your game.

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  • You never hold hands? Really? 😅

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  • ooooohhhhh….. not mirin brah. negd.

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  • When you care about someone it's natural to do things that you think will make them happy...

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  • Just tell her you care and don't be afraid to show her some affection. its not considered weak srs

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What Guys Said 10

  • Affection for me isn't really a romance thing. I just enjoy it. So I'm not thinking sappy thoughts to hold hands or sit around holding her. I just like the physical contact.

    Sappier stuff I liked the idea of when young but it was really based on a fantasy in my head of how she'd respond. Reality isn't like that. I know there are some women who like romance when they're in love. Most others seem to want it just because they feel left out if they don't get it. They don't actually give a shit. They're the female version of guys who want anal because other guys girlfriend do anal but actually don't even like it.

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    • by the way how did your parents interact?

      Mine were and still are affectionate. Not wildly romantic but occasional small little gestures.

  • Ok from and old guys perspective, for me it is natural. When your in love it is never a forced thing, you do it because it just feels right. To much pressure from society , builds and anxiety over being romantic. TV and movies make It look like you need to have millions of dollars to lavish on your partner. is adds so much pressure. The key is to find that balance were doing something for someone makes you just as happy. Knowing that you are the reason that someone is happy, is the best way to build aa relationship. I hope that one day you find a partner that makes you feel this way, right now your using this poor woman for your own selfish pleasure.. Until you can let that go, you will be a prisoner to your own mind..

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    • I appreciate the feedback. Having said that you have no idea what you are saying when you tell me that I'm using this poor girl for my own selfish pleasure. Just because I don't show physical effection, that doesn't mean I don't care about her. I haven't been this happy in a long time and I do genuinely care about her. Not everyone expresses themselves in the same way.

    • Ok, so I she told you tomorrow that she would like to have more affection, would this ruin the relationship? It seems to me that you asking it to be all your way, like she can be with you but she's got to not want the romance. Which if that is exactly what she wants then , congradulations.. but if she does want more affection does it kick her to the curb? All I am saying is to close your mind to opportunity and expression is going to cause you more bad than good.. I wish you both all the best..

  • Thing is.. Romance, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. You don't have to do any of those things that may seem cringy. What's romantic is the small moments that happens almost naturally, when you're together.

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    • Yep. I sort of tried to explain that same concept to Bleh.

    • Yeah, you're exactly right. I love your sentence "If I'm forcing it, it's not real". Completely true, with pretty much everything in life.

  • I've always been romantic.

    If you can be romantic, you're mature enough to get married that's my rule of thumb.

    Till then you are still a child filled with pride. It's good that your girlfriend can see past your pride (which you aren't aware of)

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  • It's almost natural/automatic for me. I may not do extravagant things but I do all the basic small stuff without thinking.

    How's your chivalry level? i. e. opening doors for her etc

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  • Haven't been in a relationship so no idea
    But yep I won't change for a day
    Would be fake for me to do so

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  • I just do it automatically. If i would speak my mind everytime when it comes to romance angry boyfriends would hate me.

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  • Get her a tub of gold standard whey

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  • I might hold hands, just not when taking a shit.

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  • "I honestly cringe at the thought of doing anything even remotely romantic"

    Same

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