Would you be okay with it if your partner doesn't want to share previous relationships and history?

like if you have started dating and want to be in a relationship with the person you are dating, but he/she won't share his/her history...
would you be ok with it? or its important for you to know?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • If you can't share, and refuse to, I assume you have something to hide. It's one thing to not bring it up but to avoid/refuse? No way. Red flag.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Someone acting like they have something to hide would get my attention!

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 43

  • If I was dating I would not o exclusive with such a person who holds back important information. That is a major red flag, and a major indicator that when serious issues, conflicts, and problems arrive in the future they are less likely to confront the issue and keep to themselves. Relationships are about being safe, and trust. Sooner or later the truth will come out as our past can and will shape the way we handle life's choices today. It's a trust issue. And if they can't trust me with that information when I have been completely honest in the beginning, walk away.

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  • It's important for me to know. Not necessarily right away, and not necessarily all at once. But I think sharing your history with someone usually happens organically, as you get to know each other more. Over time, as you become closer, you should be able to share everything with each other. I'd never want to be in a relationship where a part of the other person, or a part of me, has to stay locked away or behind a wall in order for the relationship to go well. True intimacy means knowing, and being known, for all that you are. Successes, failures, dreams, scars, warts and all.

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  • Well, it depends. I'm all for fresh starts and the past being left in the past. If the relationship is getting serious, it might be beneficial to know some things, especially if it could bring up isuues/problems in the future, like children from a previous partner, or angry ex seeking revenge, etc.. If both parties in the budding relationship are adult enough to not be jealous or use former partners against one another, it might be an interesting learning experience into your new partner's psyche, likes, dislikes, how they've been hurt, what positive or negative things came out of past relationships, etc.. I wouldn't want a list of names or details... less is more sometimes.

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  • Depends on what. Some things I'll understand or respect but when it comes to things like how many people you've fucked and if you slept around then it becomes important. Normal relationship stuff doesn't really matter to me. I've never asked my boyfriend about his ex and their relationship and what they did etc. All I really care about is knowing how my boyfriend sees sex and how many people they've shared themselves with and if they were safe.

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  • I'd be ok with it. I'd be curious, but I'd respect what he does or doesn't say to me. There is always a time and place for that conversation. If we just started dating, I could see that talk being uncomfortable to be in, early on in a relationship situation.

    So that's understandable.

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  • I would be curious what was the reason that they broke up, otherwise I am not interested, I don't want to know about it.

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  • I don't think it's important to know somebodies past since you can't judge nobody by it. Instead it is better to focus on your future :) and make the best out of it

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  • Unless there was abuse/rape/trauma involved or anything horrible... I don't think it's 100% necessary. You don't want to create some type of reaction or trigger. :o

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  • I'd be fine with it. If I trust them enough to be in a relationship I trust them to judge correctly on anything I need to know

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  • I'd like to know everything but the past is the past, they don't have to tell me if they don't want to

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  • Yeah.. I wouldn't mind too much.. I mean, a quick google search would tell me if he was like a convicted murderer.. and if not, the past is the past..

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    • So the past is the past... unless he's a convicted murderer... so the past isn't the past. Got ya..

    • @Truthatanycost yeah, exactly.. I know you think its funny because both are in the past, but being a murderer is an exception to the 'the past is the past'..

  • I honestly didn't care, that my boyfriend didn't bring it up and I never asked either. I don't believe in talking about past relationships unless he had trust issues or something like that. But if he won't say anything, I won't ask.

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  • Nope. My and my boyfriend know everything about each tohers relationships.
    Relationships are based on trust. They shoudlnt be keeping anything from you.
    No secrets.

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  • Tbh not knowing wouldn't bother me and I wouldn't expect to be told because everyone has a past and I'd not be dating the guy for his past but for our potential future.

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  • No. I wouldn't.

    I need to know their past even if I'm sworn to never speak of it again. But I can't stand a secrrtnpast.

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  • the past is the past, but there isn't any reason they shouldn't be able to share it all. unless there's something to hide. I would def want to know

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  • I wouldn't ask in the first place. The past is the past.

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  • I don't want to know, as long as he provides clinical tests showing him clean.

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  • The past is the past it shouldn't matter. I would like to know but if he keep it a secret I can understand maybe he would tell me later? or he just want to keep it a secret it's his right.

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    • The past never stays in the past, and even if it doesn't barge in through the door, it'll always be peeking through the window.

    • Show All
    • Funny thing about secrets, you don't usually keep it a secret if you're doing something good.

      No, usually other things must remain "secret."

    • @Bananaman177 Like I said it's cultural difference / people.
      For exemple some people doesn't want to say where they're going when other don't mind.
      If people want to keep secret who I'm to say them it's bad?

  • I would break up with them over that.

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  • I'm very curious so he BETTER TELL ME 😳

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  • Mine doesn't like I'm curious because that's always a fun topic but he doesn't want to know about me and doesn't want to talk about him no big deal

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  • That mean they're hiding something.. I feel like I should know for my safety.

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  • I'd want to know everything.

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  • I will break up if he won't care about my PURE past. I am very confident with never been getting banged.

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  • no, why can't he just tell some, I don't have to know everything from the beginning in details, but some history won't hurt

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  • Who cares (unless they're dead or have been abused but what partner is going to tell you they're abusive)

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  • Probably not. I want a relationship where we can be open and honest with each other.

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  • I'd be okay with it. I might want to know, but that's all personal info.

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  • Yeah I need info

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What Guys Said 36

  • So here's the thing. I don't know about you, but when I buy a car, even if that shit looks all shiny on the outside, I'm gonna check under the hood to see if there's any damage. I wanna KNOW what I'm getting myself into, both the good and the bad, not just the shiny shit that you put forth to me, cause I sure as hell know that when I buy that car, I'm gonna be with that shit for a while. And that's just my CAR.

    With that said, when I decide to be with someone, you're going to know ME, not just this mask and shiny fake ass exterior that most people like to put forth. It's become very apparent to me, especially from this website, that we like to live in a society full of lies and omission of information, and personally, I think that's pathetic.

    I think most people here cannot handle their past, they run from it, hide it from people, on top of the fact that most people here like to stay blissfully ignorant of their SO's past because they're too mentally weak to handle the information. Which is fine, that's your choice, but I've been alive long enough to know that when you omit information, when you fall in love with an IDEA of a person and not who they REALLY are and what comprises them, you're gonna get a load of surprises when you get further down the road, so it's best you know what you're getting into.

    So for the TL;DR version:

    I would explain my previous relationship history, and if they're not comfortable with sharing theirs ever, that's perfectly fine, we can definitely be friends, but consider any romantic spark between us lost.

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  • Anyone that says the past is the past is being dishonest and idealistic. The past is what made us who we are, and can impact who we will be for our entire life. To say that the past is the past is naive and foolish!

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  • i'd be ok with her keeping aspects of her past relationships secret but would also feel like it's red flags if someone doesn't want to discuss their past at all. like they are hiding something or are ashamed of something

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  • Lol she's definitely a hoe. Probably already cheating xD

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  • I'm not sure I would want to ask.
    Most girls lie and/or become bitchy and confrontational when asked about it.

    I figure I am better off just using my gut and asigning a sexual past to her.

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  • That would be fine. Because then I don't have to share mine and I'm kinda embarrassed of my past to be honest

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  • No, I wouldn't be ok with it. Obviously she is hiding something. She doesn't want me to know? Fine, I don't wanna know. I'll just dump her ass and find someone who will actually open up to me.

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  • I couldn't care either way, honestly if the person doesn't want to talk about it, fair enough, the past is past.

    As for everyone mentioning trust, that doesn't always necessarily come into it, maybe there's nothing interesting about it, or they just want to move on.

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  • yeah i would be ok with it. why would you want them tell you about their past relationships they are their exes for a reason what does they have to do with your relationship with your partner. to me what is it going to solve by telling you about their past relationshiops. the only reason or reason why they should tell you if there is a mid envolved or one of their exes abused them im some sort.

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  • Yes. For many reasons 1. Their past is the past so it should be left there. All that matters is how they treat me currently. 2. I'm super closed off so I would't want to talk about it either. 3. The type of relaionship I would be in isn't typical so it wouldn't require us to talk about things like that.

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  • No I would not as I want to know the type of person I am getting involved it. The past defines us.

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  • Its not ok for anyone who hide about their past. Soon or later anyone will find it out. Back in 90's I have dated a psychotheraptist for 7 months. Had lot of issues... Failed to tell me about was married in the past and had 2 girls in school. I didn't see any pictures around and didn't show me any.
    I and my family doesn't believe and trust in theraptists anyway.

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  • No. I would believe they were hiding something and I don't take chances with my health. Moving on to the next option...

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  • I don't care who you are, where you're from, who you did, as long as you love me... 🎶

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  • nope, totally not okay with me... if my girl is keeping secrets from me about her past relationship, then I would always be dubious about her, maybe she can cheat and betray me with her asshole ex's

    sooo... I'm not okay

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  • I'd be OK with it. If they want to share it, they will.

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  • Not important. So long as there's disclosure of any medical conditions.

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  • You have to ask yourself what is the point of knowing? Is it going to help anything or just piss you off everytime you think of your partner with their ex. In my personal opinion it shows the true maturity of an individual who is concerned about their ex past when your the one with them now. Just saying it's all fun and games until you hear something you didn't want to, or your all insecure because you don't think your girl is being honest about something

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  • Meh. The past is the past.

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  • Its not your buisness really.

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  • No..

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  • Of course I'm okay with it. The past stays in the past.

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  • I must at least know if she's virgin or not.

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  • No because how can I trust them in that case

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  • Yeah i dont wanna know about her past relationships

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  • Would I want first place prize or a participation ribbon?

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  • I know I wouldn't...

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  • As long as she's not any of the following
    1. A cheater
    2. STD ladden
    3. Has children

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  • As long as the partner gets tested

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  • No way... period !!

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