Should I be okay with my boyfriend going to the bar with people I've never met?

Last night my boyfriend brought up to me randomly that some of his old buddies texted him and asked if he wanted to go to a bar with them for someone's birthday. Normally I wouldn't have a problem with my boyfriend going somewhere with friends, but bars make me uncomfortable and I've never met any of these friends before. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years now and he hasn't seen these friends in about 7 years. I feel bad and controlling for not wanting him to go out, but it makes me really uncomfortable and I don't know what to do. He says he isn't going to go now because he saw how it made me feel, but it still bothers me because I feel like I'm holding him back. I should also mention that neither one of us are big drinkers anymore, but he used to be. We both have talked about going to bars before and he said that he didn't think there was a reason for people in relationships to go to bars alone, so it's confusing to me also why his point of view has changed.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Are the old buddies all male, and is it a bar or a night club? If it's a bar it might just be a guy's night out: clashing beers, talking about hot chicks, watching sports, playing pool/darts... stuff like that -- male bonding ritual. If it's a night club with lots of dancing, it might be more sketchy if you don't tag along.

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    • Also what are you afraid of exactly? Him getting it on with another girl? His safety? Coming home belligerent and drunk?

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    • I see -- safety. I think if he is close to these buddies they ought to watch his back. You'll have to trust his own judgment there a bit. One thing with buddies he hasn't seen in 7 years... it might not be so good to get in the way of such a reunion, even though I know it's out of worry and love. Coming between a guy and his friends can start to strain your relationship in unhealthy ways. It's going to be up to you but I recommend you talk to him closely and express your concern (can wrap your arms around him and hug him to make talking about it more fun and easy) but then ultimately trust his judgment.

    • I don't want him to resent me in the long run so I think I will just have to accept it and trust that he is making good decisions. Thanks a lot for the reply!

Most Helpful Girl

  • Of course, I don't see any reason not to be okay with it. It's not like he's a 6 year old who's going off with his friends and you haven't met their parents, you don't need to make sure you know everyone he might possibly interact with, y'know? He's a big boy, he can look after himself and make his own decisions. Also, he'll probably be totally safe, he'll have a group of friends around him which makes him safer than if he was just to go with you. He just wants to spend some time with his old friends, no need to be worried :)

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 10

  • Do you trust him? let him know you are ok with him going, but try to set a time limit. You could go as well for a few minutes and hang out and read them. then he gets to show you off. if you aren't comfy with them, then bail out. Otherwise, you go out on your own and go shoe shopping (shoe therapy), or meet some girls:)

    It could be he'd like to hang with these guys, it could be he doesn't really want to hang with them and was just talking.

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  • You are way over reacting. He's just going to see friends he hasn't seen in seven years. It's a big thing with him. You are being paranoid over nothing.

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  • Well, I think you should stop him going there. I am not a drinker and rather hate drinking. So all the people who says that she should not control him. Just a message to them, They are in relationship. That means they have all the right to stop each other if they done something wrong. So stop saying all those things. The two things that makes me bother here are:
    1. He is meeting with them after about 7 years. That's a great point to suspect what he will do.
    2. Why they want to celebrate someone's birthday after not celebrating it for 7 years?

    Also with friends, I don't know how will he react and how much will he drink. He might get blackout. Bar is not definitely a Great place. So think twice before you allow him to go. Good luck.

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    • Sorry but that's Awful advice.

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    • @SarahsSummer well everyone has a different point of view. I stated my opinion. You might dislike it. But Someone else can like it. So let them take their decision.

      I think drinking is a bad idea. It even killed many people around me whom I really loved (by love I didn't meant gf) So you might understand my psychology. I just hate drinking like hell. So Going blackout by drinking is one of the worst idea according to me.

      and by the way you might never know how a boy think about a girl. If you give them to choose between Eat as much food as they can and stave till death but can f*ck as many girls they want. They will choose the second option. and you know what kind of girls and boys goes there. So A girl will definitely not want his boyfriend roaming and doing stuffs with other girls. So it was just a warning from my side. Hate it but give me a real reason to hate my words.

    • Ok. Thanks. I'm so sorry for what has happened to your loved ones

  • He's not going along, he's meeting friends. What, you think one of them is going to jump his bones? Or some girl at the bar is gonna try and take him home?

    Just because you're 'uncomfortable' doesn't mean the feeling has any validity. Feeling bad and controlling is your mind telling you to shut up and stay out of it. If you're so concerned and untrusting, then why not go with him?

    Are you always like this? Huge red flag. Blaring horns. Panic buttons flashing.

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  • Better watch out he may cheat on you with his old pals hahahaha!!!

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  • You sound like his mom @jcrutchfield523

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  • You are acting like a mother, that's one of the best ways to kill the passion. Also, him no longer going due to how you feel is also a passion killer. Neither of you realize.

    This is part of why I don't bother with relationships, waste of time, bs, impacts on freedom and have to worry about some bs like this. Your question shouldn't even exist!

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  • Not really your buisness.

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  • Don't you even try to control him bitch

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  • NO way

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What Girls Said 9

  • Uh oh this is very dangerous...
    I am sorry but i don't understand woman that hold their men like this... He is not something that you can control, why would you if you can trust him? I understand about the drinking and it's totally acceptable and i appreciate that you guys don't drink.
    But if you continue to do the way you are doing, you will loose your boyfriend very very quick.
    Why don't you let him go out with friends and have fun? This is unfair honestly is he really happy like this? Does he like to be controlled?

    Do whatever you please, but if you want to have an exciting Relationship start by TRUSTING HIM and let him have his fun...

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  • You have no right to tell him what to do. You don't have the authority to tell him he is not allowed to go to the bar by himself.

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  • He's just going to chill with buddies.. Don't be so paranoid.

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  • You should feel bad. You are holding him back. Not sure why you really don't want him to go but you aren't making any friends with his old buddies by shutting him down from catching up with them.

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  • let him see his old buddies and have some guys bonding time. ask him to text you every 2 hours if you're worried

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  • Meh.. I say let him go.. sometimes guys need a guys night out. Nothing to worry about, he's with friends so they will look after him. What worries you? Do you feel it's unsafe?

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  • It's just some old friends, let him meet up with them and maybe you could go with. If bars really make you uncomfortable I'm sure you could just trust your boyfriend not to do anything

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  • I think it is okay

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  • If it disturbing you just go with him. said to him you want to know hid friends (after all your hid girlfriend it's normal) if he doesn't want then something is bad.

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