A new user posted a question that says that she is in love but having dreams that her boyfriend is cheating on her. After reading her post, I suspected that this was a reflection of her personal insecurity so I asked about that very directly. She replied: "I honestly don't think I'm good enough for him. He's perfect and I'm far from it. He's so amazing and kind. And I'm scared that he will find someone better."
We all know ourselves so very well and it is very easy to catalog our fears, weaknesses, flaws, blemishes, etc. We also know our partners but not nearly as well as we know ourselves, and. . . we focus more on their great qualities: kindness, compassion, intelligence, patience, etc. So when we them compare ourselves to our SO, we ALWAYS lose that competition. It's not that we are a bad person or that our SO is a saint; we simply know more about our own shortcomings.
I remember having this insecurity when I was younger but the years and my experiences have made me a stronger and more realistic person. Fortunately, I really can't remember the last time that I felt that way, but. . . I'll bet many of us walk around with that fear inside of ourselves, thinking that we are different from everyone else (almost as if we are an alien living among the humans) and wondering how anyone could ever want to spend their time with us.
Do you have that fear?
- This is not just a fear. I KNOW I'm not good enough for my SO!9%(5)13%(10)Vote25%(5)
- Yes, I have this fear! That is me. . . exactly!26%(15)22%(17)Vote10%(2)
- Sometimes, I have this fear but it usually passes30%(17)27%(21)Vote20%(4)
- I had this fear when I was younger but I have realized it is unrealistic!14%(8)16%(12)Vote20%(4)
- I have never had this fear.14%(8)14%(11)Vote15%(3)
- Actually, I am too good for my SO but they are my current social work project!0%(0)0%(0)Vote0%(0)
- I am too good for anybody else and I'm still waiting for Mr. or Ms. perfect to come along!7%(4)8%(6)Vote10%(2)
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I have learned to organize my life a certain way. My path and passions in life come first and foremost and take 75%. 25% is given to everything else including relationships. No reason to be insecure because if it doesn't work out then I move on. Its 25% ... I didn't put 100% of my life into another human being and have my life go crashing to the pavement if it ended. I believe that is where insecurity starts because people make it so difficult to be accepted because they allow so much to be lost.2