Do you have this secret fear?

Do you have this secret fear?A new user posted a question that says that she is in love but having dreams that her boyfriend is cheating on her. After reading her post, I suspected that this was a reflection of her personal insecurity so I asked about that very directly. She replied: "I honestly don't think I'm good enough for him. He's perfect and I'm far from it. He's so amazing and kind. And I'm scared that he will find someone better."

We all know ourselves so very well and it is very easy to catalog our fears, weaknesses, flaws, blemishes, etc. We also know our partners but not nearly as well as we know ourselves, and. . . we focus more on their great qualities: kindness, compassion, intelligence, patience, etc. So when we them compare ourselves to our SO, we ALWAYS lose that competition. It's not that we are a bad person or that our SO is a saint; we simply know more about our own shortcomings.

I remember having this insecurity when I was younger but the years and my experiences have made me a stronger and more realistic person. Fortunately, I really can't remember the last time that I felt that way, but. . . I'll bet many of us walk around with that fear inside of ourselves, thinking that we are different from everyone else (almost as if we are an alien living among the humans) and wondering how anyone could ever want to spend their time with us.

Do you have that fear?

  • This is not just a fear. I KNOW I'm not good enough for my SO!
    9%(5)13%(10)Vote25%(5)
  • Yes, I have this fear! That is me. . . exactly!
    26%(15)22%(17)Vote10%(2)
  • Sometimes, I have this fear but it usually passes
    30%(17)27%(21)Vote20%(4)
  • I had this fear when I was younger but I have realized it is unrealistic!
    14%(8)16%(12)Vote20%(4)
  • I have never had this fear.
    14%(8)14%(11)Vote15%(3)
  • Actually, I am too good for my SO but they are my current social work project!
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  • I am too good for anybody else and I'm still waiting for Mr. or Ms. perfect to come along!
    7%(4)8%(6)Vote10%(2)
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Most Helpful Girl

  • I have my moments of insecurity. If someone's with me I'm fine though, I don't believe they're cheating or anything without actual proof. I don't feel great about myself most of the time but that's down to being mentally ill and that's why I remain single.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I have learned to organize my life a certain way. My path and passions in life come first and foremost and take 75%. 25% is given to everything else including relationships. No reason to be insecure because if it doesn't work out then I move on. Its 25% ... I didn't put 100% of my life into another human being and have my life go crashing to the pavement if it ended. I believe that is where insecurity starts because people make it so difficult to be accepted because they allow so much to be lost.

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What Girls Said 9

  • I'm not insecure at all in who I am in regards to my SO. I am occasionally too critical of myself, but I know he understands me and loves me. Plus, he'd never cheat; he isn't like that and knows that if he did, and I found out, I'd be out of his life forever. He knows me that well.

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  • having been cheated on when i was younger, i carried that with me into all of my future relationships. i thought that was normal behaviour and sought out a string of unhealthy relationships; that anxiety stayed with me until i met someone who proved he could be trusted.

    i have full access to his fb and email, and he's told me i'm welcome to check both. but i don't feel the need to do either because i trust him.

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  • My boyfriend is my childhood friend.

    the fact that I know he won't go around having sex with random girls or falling in love with girls is that I know he is as similar to me as a twin brother. that a girl's body or infatuation is the last thing that can attract him to a girl, just like they are the last things that can attract me to a boy.

    insecurity begins when people put love and/or sexual attraction above friendship as their guide for determining who they must choose as a partner.

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  • I'm not insecure but the partner I get involved with turns out to be sometimes and they expect me to fix it. I have no patience with it because they are trying to control me because of it.

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  • Deep down I know I'm objectively good but I'm a perfectionist so I'm hardly ever content.

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  • im a little insecure i i always think someone is going to say something hateful about me, or talk about my looks and etc. and as for mr perfect, there is no perfect man. if its meant for me to be with someone he'll come in God's timing.

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  • Its taken me until last year to be okay with myself again, my ex husband really destroyed me. I used to be afraid of what my current boyfriend thought of me, but now I know he likes me for me :)

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  • My only fear is being blindfolded. not just in sex
    Other than that I'm confident

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  • Sometimes it's not us that have the insecurities everyone has them but we manage to avoid them sometimes we don't even think it's there however it can take one person to wake that insecurity up and then once it's awake there isn't much you can do about it.

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What Guys Said 4

  • I used to when I was younger but I don't have it anymore. I realized there is nothing I should be insecure about and insecurity is a worthless thing to have.

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  • I'm not insecure

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  • nah brah alphas don't have any fear #nomsayin

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  • I mean I'm pretty fantastic, but as far as anyone else is concerned I'm worthless in terms of being a boyfriend, so I don't say any different.

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