How do I handle this?

Okay so I work with this dude, and he's pretty cute. But he never talked to anyone, so I started talking to him, just to be friendly, I try to at least learn everyone's names. But then he started wanting to hang out. SO today he texted me and asked if I was busy and if I wanted to chill. I said sure, by now I've developed a little crush on him. And I still really think he likes me too. Like he wears headphones while he's working, when I go to talk to him he takes out both his ear buds. He ACTIVELY tries to hang out with me. Today we sat in a gas station and passed back and forth a joint, also I ran errands with him. He even paid for us to get some take out, and then he drove us to on top of a car garage so we could look out at the lights of the city, and there were pink car lights at our feet, it just seemed so romantic, and we had like a deep convo.

Then he began taking me home. Almost right before we pulled up at my house he dropped the bomb that he has a girlfriend. but basically said the only reason he was still with her was because without her he'd be homeless. He's 18 working a retail job. So I get it. But at the same time it's still his girlfriend, and he still wants to hang out with me. I'm just like really confused. I've never even dated a guy before.

  • Just see where things go
    14%(1)46%(6)Vote83%(5)
  • give up entirely on him
    57%(4)31%(4)Vote0%(0)
  • other opinion
    29%(2)23%(3)Vote17%(1)
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Most Helpful Guy

  • OK it's in your best interest to remember this: if he doesn't have to leave her to get you, he WILL NOT leave her to keep you.

    he told you he's dating. on one hand he's trying to see how much self-worth you have (I will tell you in a bit what a girl with self-worth will do). on the other hand he is laying down the excuse for why, (if you turn out to have low or no self-worth) he can cheat on you and it be ok.

    here's what you need to do that will show you have high self-worth and he should respect you: tell him plainly that he has to end things with her or you will end things with him. you will not allow him to make you a side chick OR disrespect you by having a side chick while he's 'with' you.
    and don't let yourself be guilt-tripped into taking care of him. you are not his mama. right now he needs a mother not a girlfriend.

    anyway you'll notice 75% of girls said leave him or gave a nuanced answer. while 75% of guys said stay with him. that 75% of guys simply wish they were in a situation where they could so easily cheat and get an attractive, low self-worth girl on the side. don't be fooled by those comments.

    and if this guy can't leave her for "xyz" you need to end it. this will go nowhere good for you.

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    • Sir you make a lot of sense. And I think I will try to do that because he might not be in a position to leave his girl, but I'm legit not trying to be some side chick, and I don't want drama. But I do like him, so I was over here like "wait what?" And I feel so stupid. Like we went hours chilling and he didn't even mention he had a girlfriend, nor did he bring it up any of the times we hung out at work.

      But how do I tell him I'm not gonna like see him, but also remain on good terms if that makes sense? Because I don't wanna cut off any bond we have if he does pick me, you know? Like is there a way to chill with him as a friend without him considering it more? I've never kissed him or anything like that.

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    • I don't even know how to express how thankful I am for all your work here and amazing advice! I will 100% be taking it!!!

    • thank you, I'm glad I could help :)
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What Guys Said 2

  • What's to be confused about? He is showing you that he is using his girlfriend, is not loyal, is dishonest, and will probably dump her when he's got what he needs, or a place to stay.

    What you need to realize is that the other girl could be you. Most people don't see this due to their own ego and desire blinding them. This is a big red flag, ignore it at your own peril.. Don't say you weren't warned...

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  • Just see how things go,

    Follow your heart actually

    But you just met him, had time with him to see if he is your type, you build spark and chemistry with him?

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    • We officially met a few weeks ago, so we've just been taking breaks together during work. But we have A LOT in common, and I really thought... you know

    • Yea, the other person reply to the question is harsh.

      You know him to tell if he is using people.

      I'm sure there is a part inside that wants you two to maybe work?

    • Can I get most helpful answer?

What Girls Said 2

  • using his girlfriend while talking to another girl is not okay. And thats might even be a made up lie too.

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  • Until he breaks up with that girl, you do not want to bring drama and not be that other girl in the relationship. Try being in her shoes, in which your boyfriend is seeing another girl. You'd probably be upset, so try not to get into that. It won't be fun and the guilt could eat at you. Even if he likes you, tell him that you want to wait until he is single. It will show that you have respect for yourself.
    Also, you should think of him the way he portrays. If he is getting with you with a girlfriend, if you date him, he might do the same later. Might. Do what you want, but leave him until he is single. You probably don't want to hear that, but it would be best not to feel heartbreak if he chooses his girlfriend over you because of the benefits and to not be the "side" women that you will inevitably be as he has a girlfriend.

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    • That's a good idea. Like we didn't kiss or anything which is why I was confused, but like, do I just totally ignore him or what?

    • Tell him the truth, or he will keep trying to get your attention. Doing this will show him that your serious about yourself and that you aren't just saying it. Tell him that you respect yourself more than going for him with a girl and that you don't want to get on bad terms with her and also that you respect her and that you don't want to hurt her due to cheating. He may try to win you back, but you should stay firm (this depends on the guy of course, but sometimes they will try to get you to change your mind and may convince you that its ok). This only works when you know for sure that you want a meaningful relationship and not a fleeting one that could end in you or someone getting hurt and being labeled as the other girl. I hope this helps :)

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