Should I forget about trying to find someone who will only date me?

This is kind of long, sorry.

I've met plenty of guys who I've been interested in getting to know. When I find out they're seeing multiple people at once I drop them. I only date one person at a time. Entertaining 2+ people at a time is uncomfortable for me. Plus I don't see how it's possible to actually get to know someone when you're not actually focused on them.

Not surprisingly I've been in one relationship back in highschool. Since then I can't seem to find someone. I know it's me. Maybe I'm asking for too much and it's about time I conform.

Thoughts?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • The older you get, the more people shift from a dating model where they get to know people in joint social situations, and then eventually start dating. It can still happen, but less often. So the start going on dates with people they don't know all that well to see if they like each other, get to know each other more, see how their chemistry is, etc. Now if they're not very desirable, those dates are few and far between. But if they are, they WILL have multiple options they're exploring.

    I'd strongly encourage you to draw a distinction between 'going on dates with a few people while looking for a relationship' and 'wants to date multiple people on an ongoing basis'.

    You say 'when you find out they're seeing multiple people'. What stage is that? How many dates?

    I'd kind of say hey, by date 3, i'm looking to either be monogamous or move along. You can say that up front. If they're not close to that kind of pace, they'll move on right away. But it tells guys who -want- a girlfriend you're looking for a boyfriend.

    Expect to be fucking once monogamous, otherwise you're gonna have to stick to guys who can't get dates and are below your league.

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What Guys Said 3

  • Look for older guys, and ones that aren't married. I'm amazed most millenial females can't see this... they are disrespected MORE NOW THAN EVER BEFORE. Oh, polo shirt fly guy online will swear he's "not like that," but step out on the street!-what do you see? Women openly called bitches and hoes... public ass grabbing of strangers on the regular, or in your case-guys who have multiple honeys on the hook simultaneously. Use your brains girls... DO THESE INSTANCES SOUND LIKE YOU'RE BEING RESPECTED NOWADAYS? Because I can tell you for a fact, back in the 80's... females were NOT treated like this left and right.

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  • No, do what is best for you.

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  • Where you spends your time?

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What Girls Said 1

  • You have 2 options. 1) Be willing to wait longer for a guy who has the same values as you regarding dating one person at a time. Yes they exist; my boyfriend is one and it's a totally normal way to be. 2) Realize that for many people it's not a big deal to date multiple people during the early stages of dating. For many it's hard to get a good sense of whether you really want to keep seeing someone after only 1-2 dates.

    If my boyfriend was only willing to consider people that do the one-at-a-time type of dating, we wouldn't have our awesome relationship. For me, I was initially not interested in anything serious so I didn't want to invest more time and emotion in him right away even though he really blew all the other people out of the water. After a few weeks he expressed that he wanted something exclusive/more serious and understood if I wasn't interested/ready. I thought about it for a few days and decided to be exclusive with him. Had he pushed for exclusivity right away I would have noped right out of there because it was just too much, too fast for me. In our case, he put his insecurity about me dating multiple people aside for a bit, but also expressed what he wanted/needed in a calm and timely manner. I respected his needs and put aside my fears about jumping into a relationship. It worked because we communicated and respected the other person's different views.

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