Is it slutty to have sex with a guy you're attracted to but not dating? And how do I get over feeling slutty when I know i'm not a slut?

I've been talking to this guy for a little bit now and we work really well together personality wise. He just got out of a one year relationship with a girl who would verbally abuse him, and never spent time with him or wanted anything to do with him. They spent time together out of school four times in a year. She never met his family and whenever he wanted to go to her events (i. e choir concerts) she would say no.
He's a nice guy, fun to talk to and joke around with, and we text kind of a lot every day. After they broke up we talked about a lot of dating theoreticals and moved really fast by telling each other we liked each other when we really weren't sure and etc. We're just friends right now and we're seeing if it develops into more. But i'm really sexually attracted to him and vice versa and I want to know if it would sound bad to tell someone that the first guy i had sex with i wasn't even dating or didn't know for years or something. I'm interesting in having sex with him and vice versa but i really don't want to become a booty call or some side hoe. That's why i would feel more comfortable if we were dating because i would trust him more since he would be in a relationship and not just hooking up.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • you're always going to feel slutty. Girls are trained from the age of five to feel slutty for even thinking about sex. The question then becomes whether or not you can learn to like feeling slutty. Most guys learn this pretty quick. Don't know why girls give into the societal expectations, but whatever..

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    • they give into pressure specifically what you said about were raised into believing certain things about ourselves and feeling the need to meet societal standards

    • yeah, that's true until high school is finished. But beyond that, societal expectations become... less clear.

What Guys Said 9

  • Because you are not doing drugs, drinking, partying, and having sex like many people your age does not give you licence to do just one of those things and consider yourself not as bad as the others who do them all.

    If anything, you not having sex outside of a strong relationship, doing drugs, or smoking is actually doing you and yourself a huge favour. You are saving yourself full of a life of problems, risking pregnancy (it's your sole responsibility outside marriage), Drug addiction and the like. You are young and just starting out in life. Focus on school (SATs soon), sports and other fundamental activities that would build you strong at this foundational stage in your life.

    Sleeping with someone outside of a relationship can basically be termed casual sex, Friends with benefit, One-night stand girls, or girls who like fuck buddies. Those are essentially what a lot of guys refer to as "sluts".

    The sex can wait, it's not running away. Infact you'll reach a stage when you are married or in a strong meaningful relationship you'll get sick of it. Why not exercise some patience and discipline. It's not everytime you do whatever your body wants just because "you feel like it" or cos it's "fun".

    Go ask drug dealers and sex addicts how they feel now and the term 'sex-addicts' does not necessarily have to be someone who is in a mental institution for it, there so many girls sleeping around that have sex addiction but won't admit it due to sexual abuse at a young age, or starting too early without the wisdom there are other ways asides sex you can receive respect or communicate love to the opposite gender.

    You're 15, go do something more important with your foundational years than dreaming about sex. I'm sorry If this isn't what you wanted to hear, but I like to be honest with people, and give them the truth.

    You guys can do many other activities to express how you feel. Grab dinner, go to the movies, anything. You don't have to risk pregnancy in order to express love

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  • Having sex with only one or two guys is not slutty. If you are open to sex , you can have it with anybody.

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  • No need to spill the details of your entire sexual history upfront unless specifically asked, and even then you don't have to go into detail unless asked for more.

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    • Easier to just go on a date first and get close to each other.

  • www.court-records.net/animationgk/miles-aha(d).gif

    I find it funny that you want to have sex with him but you actually care he commits to you.

    So typical. It's called casual sex. And the more often you have it, the less guys would want to be in a long term relationship with you so tread carefully.

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  • talk to him about and make your worries clear

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  • So date him? You obviously know just having sex is immoral and wrong.

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  • less sex at your age the better.

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    • i'm less than month shy of 16, and i'm not considering it because it's "cool"

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    • but i'm not going around and doing it with everyone

    • i know but still.

  • Do like u want, dont care about people oppinion

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  • Given what you said I'd see if you can date first. If he's not interested then reevaluate.

    Nobody cares how long you knew the guy. People will interpret your behaviour based on your relationship status at the time. Men don't typically view women who do friends with benefits that differently from those who do one night hookups. Some don't care, some do, many of those who don't care would still leave if you wanted them to wait.

    So anyway I'd see if dating is in the cards first.

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