At what point in dating do you define the relationship?

It's easy to consider yourself "dating" when you meet on a dating app, or if the guy asks out right if he can take you out to dinner, but I'm in muddy waters here.

We were best friends who developed feelings for each other... And just kissed one night. After that night he initiated a conversation where we talked about how we felt and where we saw it going. He told me that night he was apprehensive because I have dated one of his close friends and 'bro code' or whatever. We decided that what he doesn't know won't hurt him... And we would just let things happen and see where it leads.

Since that night we have seen each other 2 or 3 times a week and cuddle and kiss and get food and just hold hands and talk. He seems to truly care and as much as I know he wants to sleep with me, he doesn't push for it and keeps waiting for a time when it won't be rushed. Everything's great, I just wonder how long I should wait until I can expect things to be public or official?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • " I just wonder how long I should wait until I can expect things to be public or official?"

    Woman, if you are following some norms established by "society" in this regard, you are doing it wrong. If everything is so great, then sooner or later you are required to take the leap of faith. You don't just "become official" or whatnot. I get the feeling you are trying to lean on some imaginary support safety net to avoid some bad things that might happen. Pessimistic tendencies, nobody here will be able to convince you otherwise, you already have made your mind up about this.

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    • On the contrary - I'm just very happy with him, and want to be able to tell all my friends and family how happy I am and how amazing he is 😇

    • Indeed, then why are you having doubts?

    • There's no doubts... I'm happy! Just, curious if it's ever going to lead to something that I can be open about and share with others :)

Most Helpful Girl

  • if and when you feel comfortable enough to have sex would be a good time to discuss with him your labels, where you see it going, expectations, etc.

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What Guys Said 4

  • I think no need to rush it, especially if this relationship is implicitly monogamous, not open. Next time you two are cuddling and kissing though, if it's really important to you, you might gently talk to him about it and exchange feelings. It helps if you aren't confrontational about it and doing it in this warm and affectionate context, perhaps with some humor here and there to diffuse any awkwardness.

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    • This is most likely what we will do. I'll still give it a little more time. We have some 'dilemmas' such as my ex and him being friends... And he is my boss, he has put his two weeks in and found another job... But it's still gonna be a little awkward with my coworkers once this becomes public 🙈

    • Oh, very awkward... well, try to enjoy what you have now. Go with the flow. Don't rush it. Find a way together.

  • relatively early on (so like within the first month). i like to have at least an initial conversation with the person and feel out where they stand and where they see things going

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  • I consider me and her "casually dating" (as in we both are open, and are, pursuing and seeing other ppl), unless we have The Talk and we both agree to be monogamous.

    One of the biggest mistakes people make in the dating world, is presuming monogamy. NEVER presume monogamy. If monogamy isn't obviously discussed between the two parties, there IS no monogamy, and you're a fool to presume that.

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    • This is a tough one. I normally never assume monogamy... Especially with some of the guys I've chosen to date. Again this 'relationship' is different, hence why I have so many questions about it.
      1) are we even dating?
      2) he is first and foremost my best friend, and I'd like to believe he respects me enough to be open on honest with me - thus far he seems to have been.
      3) He quit sleeping around with other girls 2 months prior to our first kiss (around the time we started heavily flirting) claiming that as badly as he wants sex, those other girls just aren't who he wants anymore
      4) He's asked me about my relationship with my 'ex' (he was basically just a fuckbuddy, so there was no breakup) and the last time I had seen him.

      I know this could all mean nothing though and therefore I do keep my heart guarded in case he is fooling around with anyone else.

    • Show All
    • This has nothing to do with "respect". He is free to see whoever he wishes since he isn't officially tied down to anyone's monogamous commitment.

    • Of course he is - if he went and slept with another girl, it wouldn't be cheating because there is no commitment - but respect goes beyond right and wrong and different rules. Maybe you've never had a best friend before... But it's simple. He knows sleeping with someone else would hurt me - therefore he wouldn't do it. Not without talking to me first and telling me that I'm not the only girl he's talking to. He's never been one to shy around tough conversations - he's always been an open and honest friend.

  • You two need to talk about it. So it has to be brought up. So you both know where you stand.

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What Girls Said 2

  • I usually wait until it feels right. For me that's around 6-8 weeks of dating.

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  • I've never been in such a scenario before myself.

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