Should I stay off online dating for good?

Every single guy I meet turns out bad from online dating.
I have low self esteem but I try to work with it.

1st guy dumped me. Smoked too much/ drinked.
2nd guy dumped me twice. Had issues with alcohol, semi cheated on me, talked to too many girls, smoked too much.

I took a 4 month break.

3rd guy stood me up twice. Worked at a nice company liked similar things I liked. He seemed nice but never sent me pics of himself. Always asked for mine.
4th guy dumped me because he said he doesn't like girls that like glasses. Also works at a very nice company as well. He always wanted pictures of me as well but never sent them of himself.

I'm very open minded and I'm not picky on looks.
Any guy that messages me and starts a conversation I talk to.
They end up talking to me for a bit but then they leave or they don't message back. I'm not understanding what I'm doing wrong.
I try talking to different guys... I text flirty like.
Is it because I settle to early? I try to have them take the lead as well but it just doesn't work. I didn't choose these guys based on their qualities... they show up later the more we talk. They hide them before I even say no to those kind of things.

  • yes
    Vote A
  • no
    Vote B
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15

Most Helpful Guy

  • while i might be tempted to say yes, i don't know exactly how old you are, but you're either my age or slightly older, which means you're still young. use online dating as a supplement to your dating life, you might find someone on these websites whose perfect, and if they aren't doing something for you, hey, that's like, just don't go out with them, there are plenty of ways to meet new people, i've been tempted to try online dating myself, but so far every girl i've been out with i've either asked out or been asked out by. i have the same problem as you too, this low self esteem thing makes me really nervous around girls, and i've found i've struggled to initiate things when i'm with a girl (like kissing etc), but i'm getting better and you know, you will too, you've gotta believe you can do it, and just push to be the person you want to be. so in answer to your question, no you shouldn't quit it, just use it as another way to meet people, but also go out and experience the world too, do some amazing things, and live your life.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You seriously need to work on your low self esteem and have some standards. Yes, everyone meets plenty of duds when dating, but there comes a point when some of the blame shifts to you. If your standards are so low that YOU get dumped by someone who cheated on you, that's your fault.

    Stop treating it like you are trying to win a boyfriend and start treating it like you are interviewing someone for your boyfriend position. If someone doesn't meet your standards (drinks/smokes too much, cheats, etc) then YOU need to dump them. If you are talking to someone and aren't wowed by the conversation, you can leave and move on to someone else. Just talking doesn't mean anything, don't take it so personally.

    Which leads me to: stop thinking everything that doesn't lead to happily ever after as bad or a failure. Every frog you kiss is one dog close to your prince. Learn from every encounter. Whether that's learning how to enforce your own boundaries or how to recognize behaviors of someone that's not serious, learn from everything!

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    • Yeah. The guy that says he didn't like girls with glasses wanted coffee and chat but always turned into sexual things. He wanted to go to his place after. But every time I'm like no.. or I don't know I don't think it'll work.. he reassures me he will date me after if we can do sex raw. That he's not looking for a hookup... now that I'm writing all this the stuff he said sounded like absolute bull.

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    • Yeah, if you're so desperate that you're spending money you can't afford in the hopes of meeting someone then that's definitely going to be a major repellent. And being more picky will make you less desperate. It may sound counterintuitive to be turning down people who express interest in you when you really want a boyfriend, but having the confidence to do so will make you less desperate and more attractive. Nobody wants to be someone else's "well they were willing to take anybody and I was the only one who said yes". Guys, just like girls, want to be someone's "best choice" and feel like they have real value to someone. So you need to go out there with that mindset. Look for your "best choice" and don't settle for someone who treats you like crap.

    • Also, keep in mind that you shouldn't be waiting for someone "perfect" either. You can find someone great that you click with but they are inevitably going to have some flaws. Don't toss them out because of that. You just have to work with them a bit to see if their flaws aren't a major deal breaker for you, and vice versa. And to reiterate; flaws are not things like cheating, name calling, controlling behavior, lying. It's stuff like interrupts when they are excited, can't clean house for the life of them, spoils the end of movies and books.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • you'll experience same with offline dating. you better need to test guess before date them anymore

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    • I've never dated a guy once offline... ever

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    • Um...
      no. That's not what I've heard..

    • but you'll experience it

  • You like those kinds of guys. If not you wouldn't go for them. What you're not seeing is that you're bad. You're just a bad person. So you go after bad boys who knock out your lining then dump you.

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    • That's stupid...
      I don't know those guys because first of all I'm getting to know them and their habits emerge after they pretend they are nice. Then they guilt trip me as well.
      I'm not a bad person... I don't know what makes a "bad" person but I'm not someone that murders, steals or play games with others emotions. Your opinion is irrelevant. Bye.

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    • You can go to hell now

    • Sigh.. You again.

  • Do you have hobbies, interests and interesting topics of conversation? Can you hold a decent conversation? Can people learn anything from talking to you?

    If you were on a date and you'd already talked about the usual like where each of you work, what you are looking for in a partner and the weather (yawn... zzzz) what would you then talk about?

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    • I have many of them yes.
      Yes I know how to keep a conversation very well.
      No I wasn't going too in depth with a conversation like that with him over text. It just bothered me how he said we should coffee and chat.. but then he got sexual after. Also talked about dating... if I had sex with him then he would consider me being his girlfriend.

  • I don't personally think that highly of online dating and don't have any accounts , but that being said there is still some people who have found it effective and have meet people through those sites

    you have to remember if you meet 4 random guys somewhere else , wouldn't you have run into the same problems anyways? is my thoughs on this

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    • But it wasn't just those 4. I had a few others I met and they were just rude in general or they wanted sexual. I know what you're saying but the ones that I met in person in total of like maybe 10 or more.. they were all the same...

    • if its not working for you maybe you should take a break from it for a while , I don't know what else to say

    • Everyone around me has had bfs for years. I only had one and it lasted 2 months. The guys that follow all just leave me. I want to socialize but every single time I just get burned. That's why I feel like I need to just stop online and meet people in real life. O

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