There are problems though. She has a history of cheating, history of self harm and depression, she's also hot and cold, she just got out of a relationship, doesn't seem to know what she wants. She never texts unless I do and I have gone several days without contacting her and when I do it's short and to the point. She's told me that her cousin is coming to visit her for the next 3 weeks so not to worry if she goes mia. I'm not planning on texting her first, but I just don't feel like I'm a priority in her life if she can go 3+ days without contacting me, even a simple hey thinking of you is more than enough. Am I just being clingy or is this something to actually be concerned about?
short and it was pretty meh, I think I caught her at a bad time since I woke her up (she's on nigh shifts at the moment). I actually ended up asking her if we're good (too many mixed signals) and she said we are and that she warned me she was going to go silent while her cousin was visiting. Whatever, I can think about this once things go back to normal.
Most Helpful Girl
If the only concern was the texting and there was nothing else, I'd say it was maybe a little clingy. But combined with everything else, I understand the concern.
I'd be more concerned about the history of cheating, than the texting. How long ago was that? And how long ago was her recent breakup, and how important was the relationship she just got out of? How long ago was the self harm and depression? I wouldn't judge her for these things, but knowing whether they are the distant past and she's long since overcome them, or still part of the present, is gonna be important.
Also, going mia for 3 weeks is just, a lot of mia time. She seems a bit selfish almost... have you noticed any self-absorbed behaviors, ways of thinking or ways of approaching things at all? Maybe something to keep an eye on.
If it were me, I'd still make time to text the guy I like at least a little, even if my cousin was in town. I'd probably invite him out WITH my cousin so we could all hang out, now that I'm thinking of it. You said she's hot and cold, doesn't know what she wants... maybe she's just not really ready for a new relationship.2THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE
- Show AllShow Less
Most Helpful Guy
She has all the "tells" that her ex hasn't let go and she still comms with him
This is not a cousin coming - it's a reconciliation trial with ex to see if can stick this time, since "he's reformed" and trying to be a good boy (unless he gets her again, then reverts to bad, as usual)
been there done that
You will reject this to-do but unless you steal her away to a desert island ASAP, all you can do is wait it out for the union to fail once again, then wait more for her to desperately calling you to fill the void. After that, she'll be more aggressive toward you.1THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE
- Show AllShow Less