It seems like guys lose interest in you the second you show some interest back. Why?

This always seems to be the case -- in my experience anyways. Started seeing this guy -- I wasn't too sure about him at first but over the last week I've grown to really really like him. Now before all this, it was non-stop texting from him and all the compliments. Now not so much. I feel like I can't win -- you know it's wrong to look too kean and yet if I don't show enough interest I'm considered bitchy.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's a hard one, but you can't tar all blokes or women with the same brush. Some men and women just like the thrill of the chase, but you'll get there in the end with the right person.

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    • So should I just stop? I don't feel like playing this game tbh, but it doesn't seem like a good enough reason -- it feels almost petty in a way

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    • You don't think it's too soon to ask where he sees this going? We've been seeing each other for just about a month now.

    • No not at all. If he says he thinks that, then just say you're not putting any pressure on or expecting anything right away, but you need to know if it's worth investing your time in or if you're just getting messed around. Nothing too heavy.

Most Helpful Girl

  • i get this too. it makes no sense. apparently they like the chase or something equally stupid.

    im too old to play games. if a guy stops messaging me, no matter what the reason, i just say fuck it an move on.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • There showing interest and there's being annoying. We ain't dating so ill text back when i goddamn text back. Ill talk to who i goddamn talk to.

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  • Women have never shown interest in me at all. I lose interest when its not requited

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  • So are you two together? Or did he just lost interests and cut off communication.

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    • So about two weeks ago, he asked me to be exclusive with him, and I said yes. So things were groovy, then last week this sort of started.

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    • I decided to just end things. Harsh as it sounds, I don't have time to play these sorts of games.

    • Probably smart... but it sucks

What Girls Said 14

  • It depends on HOW MUCH interest you show him, it you exaggerate on texting too much, or just being too flirty, o just texting after 0.5 seconds after he texted you, he will think you are just easy and that there is nothing to HAUNT.
    Of course it's not your fault, because some MEN don't know what they want, and some are never happy, and some just exaggerate and judge a situation way too fast.
    Maybe you should hold a little distance, and observe him and see what he is doing, some guys just like the mystery and like to resolve it by them selves without you giving all the hints... you know ;)

    Good luck <3

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  • My ex started doing this. I was lukewarm about him, and then I really started to like him. He backed off, and I was confused—just like you are now.

    Don’t confront him about the texting specifically. I wouldn’t use texting as your ultimate litmus test. Put as much effort as he puts into your relationship. Hang out with your girlfriends. Maintain your hobbies. Make sure you keep your own life going and don’t wait around for him. If he shows interest, respond. If not, sit him down and try to talk to him. Be blunt—but don’t make demands or ultimatums. If he acts antsy or doesn’t want to put forth the effort to maintain your relationship, I’d suggest dumping his immature ass. You deserve so much better than his waffling around. I thought all guys got bored if you didn’t play hard to get non-stop. There’s a shift in communication, but a good guy that’s really interested will still keep in contact. It might not be non-stop, but he’ll keep in touch. He won’t shame you if you show a little insecurity—especially if you make sure he knows that you like him, but you won’t put up with being treated like anything less than a priority. Just make sure that you do so in a clear, confident way—and don’t come across as a totally self-absorbed bitch.

    Good luck!

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  • I feel like you might be jumping to conclusions. He may feel like he doesn't need to try as hard to impress you and not that he's losing interest. It's hard to say for sure because I don't know you, but you don't give much details about the situation like how long you have known each other and what your relationship is and things like that. I don't think you should worry. Have you been hurt before? That might be influencing how you feel and making you project your past experiences on to this situation. I've been guilty of doing that myself.

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  • Sometimes the reason for this could also be that; he feels close and comfortable enough around you/ talking to you that he doesn't feel the need to show excessive attention and shower you with too many compliments anymore. If he is still texting you now, it might be a good sign. Maybe you two can talk it out to make things clearer too

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  • ... Now not so much.
    Always remember, be this Chase and Challenge and the Juiciest Apple way at the top of the Tree, Hardest to Get and to Grab until you have Him... Right in the palm of your Hand with any Man.
    Good luck. xx

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  • Pace your responses by his. If he only texts every other day, then reply but don't text him in between. If he sends ten words don't reply with fifty. Wait for him to call you.

    Eventually, if he cares, he'll ask what's wrong. Then you can say you noticed he was backing off and wanted to give him his space. You can ask if he's reconsidering being exclusive. You have to be calm and a little cold here. If you show your hand by getting emotional, you'll blow it.

    Basically, he needs to realize the relationship needs maintenance. If he doesn't, he'll likely just fade away and you're better off. If you start doing the chasing, he'll never put effort in again and keep taking you for granted.

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  • Some guys just like to chase, it's an ego boost knowing they can get you even though they don't want you.

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  • Because they probably get tired of chasing girls who can't make up their minds about what they want.

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    • No one can be expected to like the person the second they meet said person. Sure we clicked when we met, but I still needed to get to know the person before deciding if I wanted to be exclusive with them. And that's what's happened, he over all fit the bill of what I looked for in a partner so then I decided that yes I did want to be with him.

  • nothing to do with being keen. they were never interested in you just the idea of getting you. dont revert to playing games bc you'll miss the guys who actually are self aware and really like you.

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  • Cause they are the wrong guy! The right one won't!

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  • Move on to the next

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  • I don't know I'm actually curious about this myself because I have had it done to me.

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  • I feel like he thinks he has already won you. Try being a little more distant and hard to get. I'm sorry if this doesn't help.

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  • I don't think that's the reason why someone starts to back off. If someone likes you , and you aren't really interested at first then you don't usually make the effort to let the person get to know you. You aren't as open with them as you would be if you liked them as much as they liked you. . So the person who likes you tends to create an image of what you are like as a person.

    Once you start to like them , you're more keen to open up and let the person get to know you. Once that happens, you may not be as good as the illusion they created of you , due to not knowing you really. So they start to lose interest.

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