I'm 22. I'm doing great in all other aspects of my life, except my social life is... lacking considerably. I currently have no friends because 1) I'm a huge introvert and love being alone 90% of the time, and when I do hang out with others, 2) I tend to be a bit too honest and call people out on their bs or I realize why I don't like people in general. I'm not a people hater, but people exhaust me and I find many to be obnoxious and many I can't really click with. That said, my love life is nonexistent. I have plenty of guys asking me out.. weekly, regularly. But I'm not interested and I don't know why. I don't mind chatting with them online but that's it. I can count on one hand how many guys I've been genuinly into, and thus have been a bit too obsessed when I do find a guy I fancy. But, I always choose unobtainable men. The more I can't have them, the more I'm interested and try to be with them. It seems like once I get them or we start something, something inside me dies.. and I have to actually be intimate and lovey dovey and caring and whatever, and it's just, I've shut that side of me out for my whole life that it has become almost impossible for me to welcome in now. When I try, I come off as very uncomfortable and weird. I'm not a touchy person. When I see guys get that "starry eyed" look, inside I freak out. It's as if I don't want anyone to view me in a loving way like that, but I don't know why or how to overcome it? Every guy I've been with gets fed up with me because they say no matter how much they're around me, they never know who I am. And I'm cold. I don't know what to do because I DO want someone in my life, yet when the moment comes where it requires me to be soft, I can't do it. I can't act flirty and warm like other girls. I want to be, but I feel as if I can't. It's as if this side of me had been strangled and suffocated and is completely dead.
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You don't want anyone to view you in a loving way?
Umm why? What was your childhood like? Did you go through bad experiences with men so far? Are you scared of the possibility that it might not work in the long wrong? You need to find the root of the proble,0