Do you think paying for dates shows a sign of effort from men in dating?

I recently started dating a guy, i met on tinder. We dated multiple times. In one, i paid, in the other date he paid, and the last date we split the bills. A friend told me to back up and told me that as far as she concerns, paying for a date shows signal of interest. So if a man doesn't pay, it means he is just looking for sex. Is that true? What do you think?

Updates:
Ps: i am not asking what tinder is for. I am asking what i am asking. I earn my own money and i dont make a big deal out of paying for someone. I always paid for myself on first dates and later. I am just asking if you, guys, don pay because u r not interested or if you, girls, consider that as disinterest
Expecting more opinions.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I wouldn't call that "effort," it is a pretty easy thing to do. If a guy thinks paying for a date shows effort, he is probably going to be a very selfish and lazy partner.

    I could definitely imagine a considerable percentage of guys who do think it shows effort, and that their effort should be rewarded with sex, but these are the guys that you should stay away from to begin with. There is a considerable amount of guys who don't feel this way too. They should be easy to spot to be honest, but I guess it is also easy to be blinded by lust.

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    • So when guys pay, they expect sex? God i am glad I dont let anyone pay for me.

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    • What do you think shows effort of a guy then?

    • Paying attention, listening, offering support, taking interest in her hobbies, maybe actually planning dates other than just a "dinner wherever," learning her tastes (music, food, fashion, etc), helping with chores, giving massages, drawing her a bath, writing her notes... There are a million ways to put in effort into a relationship. How much effort does it take to pull out your wallet? Seriously. I think it is a total cop-out, and the guys who do think it shows effort, probably only say that because they are too lazy and selfish to do anything that actually takes effort. They can't actually admit to themselves they are lazy and selfish though, so they have to hold on to "I paid for the date," because it is all they've got!

Most Helpful Girl

  • I've only been in 2 long term relationships and a handful of dates in my life but I've never had to pay in the beginning even though I always offer.

    With my current boyfriend, he paid for everything for the first 4 months we were together. He even paid for weekend getaways even though he made half of what I did. But he didn't allow me to pay until our relationship was more settled and secured. So your friend isn't wrong.

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    • Thanks for your feedback. It is good to hear others' experiences

    • Yes, I've always done the same for my girlfriends. Even after being together for a year I'd never let her pay her own half. I thought this is normal and I'm kinda surprised by how many people nowadays share bills.

What Guys Said 19

  • It needs to be equal because no one should have to always pay each and everytime. I have a great video from my buddy Matt Hussey on this... check it out!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=71o3hq6iSPM

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    • Thanks. So do you think i am fine pursuing him? Because we have great connection and i dont mind paying for myself or initiating dates either. We already had sex in the last date (4th date) a month, and he still seems interested.

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    • When should I back off? Need suggestions please.

    • @lyannamormont back off after a really good conversation whether in person, phone or text. That is the optimal time to back off.. it shows we have great chemistry good conversation.. but I am busy too.. and you need to know that!

  • No I don't believe a man not paying your bill means he's not interested. I've never thought I should pay for the girl. Why the fuck would I? Just because a girl has a vagina between her legs, big whoop! What makes a girl entitled to my money? If you are with me for long enough and we get close, then it's almost as if our money is shared, so then it might be okay for me to pay for her. Otherwise, she and I are responsible for ourselves. As for the girls who think I don't care about them because I won't pay for them, they can take the money other beta males give them and shove it up there asses.

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  • No of course not, your friend is silly.

    Women have the opportunity to work and earn money, so the man doesn't HAVE to pay for 100% of the date anymore.

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    • I agree. That's why i dont mind paying bill in full, or splitting it, and he also paid after the first date i did pay. I am not really a traditional woman so i wonder if my American friend is right about that.

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    • @SpecialAgentStone This girl is my best friend's girlfriend. We (I and my guy friend who is her boyfriend) come from a Balkan country. She brought this topic and my friend texted me and told me M. (the girl) is asking whether he pays or not. This is how the whole topic was talked. But my country doesn't matter. I come from a low income family with strong ethics. My parents always encouraged me to pay for myself, and never spend more than I have, and never expect someone else is gonna pay for me or clean after me. So I dont feel like a guy has to pay for me.

    • See, just as I thought. SHE brought it up, and not only that, she asks her boyfriend to ask you if he's paying. This is ridiculous. Why would she even care? She sounds very materialistic. Is your guy friend paying everything for her as well?

      I'd tell her to stop being a gold digger and keep out of your dating life. You do you. You've been raised right and there should be more women like you. Don't let that woman get into your head.

      by the way, I always thought Eastern Europeans are more traditional. Is splitting the bill on first dates becoming more popular in Balkan countries as well?

  • this thought never existed in me ever, where not paying bills is a sign of interest on sex.

    well I never mind paying , whether if it is for just a friend or for a date. It just don't bothers at all.

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    • It just dont matter to me either. I just didn't know in American culture, americans girls perceive that guys not paying for you are signs that they are not interested. Sounds weird to me. I am european. My friend is American, who told me to back up and not pursue.

    • I am an Indian, people often get judged here too.
      If you've started dating someone then it is easily noticeable that what actually you are looking in it. Love , Sex or sometimes both.

    • I see. Thanks for your answer

  • Being a guy and always paying for a date shows that he's buying your time because he's not worth you alone.

    BUT I think you should be a little too old to let little amounts of money determine the future relationship with a guy. Base your concern on something more valuable such as compromise and what you two have in common... bah nevermind, I forgot I was talking to a women. Do what all women do. See how tall, rich, or popular he is and base it on that.

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  • So all these women not wanting to pay for even their own food on a date just want sex?

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  • Thats a load of bullshit, if anything this meaning is the other way round. If he payed for all your meals hed expect something back like sex. But he's not, he's making you comfortable by not putting anyone in the spot. You guys split it because you dont feel obligated to pay or do anything else for that matter. This is a true gentleman.

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    • Also dont take negative advice. BE YOURSELF.
      Or you could loose someone USE YOUR OWN JUDGEMENT maybe thats why he likes you.
      Dont let people paint stupid pictures in your head.

  • If a man doesn't pay he's probably too stunned that he's on a date with a girl who isn't a gold digger or just going out to get free food from men. He probably isn't used to having someone else pay for him.

    If women don't pay are they just looking for sex? No, they are there out of their own volition. He's there to spend time with that person because they are dating, same as her. Sex would be nice but it's not expected or inferred when she pays the bill.

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  • Its tinder. Thats where guys go look for sex. Its known as the hook up app.

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    • It still relates hun. You asked if he's just interested in just sex. Tinder = hookups. Paying for dates doesn't really matter as far as I'm concerned especially for Tinder.

  • So you have a good thing going on with a guy, and you're going to let your friend mettle in it for no reason?

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    • Of course not. I am not familiar with American culture. I just wonder if my friend is right abouor American guys' attitude when it comes to paying for date.

  • Gentlemen pay for dates. Boys split the cost at best.

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    • This is too confusing.

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    • You have some inconsistencies in your story.

    • What inconsistency are you talking about? I paid the first, he paid the second and we split the third because i said so and he didn't insist.

  • So you met on Tinder aka I looking for sex app, it doesn't matter if he pays or not.

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    • Not asking abou what tinder is

    • Ignore my tinder comment. You can not base a guys intention whether he pays or not, your friend is wrong.

    • No i mean you're free to say whatever you think and it is okay with what you said about tinder. you do not need to change your mind to please me. I am just asking something else, not what tinder is. I am not looking for a validation, I am just interested in what you guys think regarding the question. That's what I wanted to point out :)

  • Your friend is wrong

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  • Your friend has a point when she says paying for a date is a signal of interest. I mean think about it, why would a guy be willing to sacrifice his money for you if he isn't interested?

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    • So do you think I should stop seeing this guy?

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    • I dont mind paying for my own stuff. I never thought guys are entitled pay for the whole dinner. I am not very traditional, money oriented woman honestly.

    • I get that and many women are like that. If you're happy, he's happy, why care about what your friend says? But if it was me and I'm interested in her, the thought of letting her pay wouldn't even cross my mind. I'd just pay for all of our dates and insist on it.

  • Not really.
    If we followed this logic, guys would be dating each other and so would females.

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  • ⚠⚠⚠⚠ If a man doesn't pay on the first, he is not a man. ⚠⚠⚠⚠

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    • We went to a coffee shop i drank 1$ tea and he didn't drink to not get any caffeine to not disturb his sleep schedule. I wouldn't bother he didn't pay for 1$

    • I personally think he wasn't attentive enough... He should have made it a priority to ask you what kind of tea you would like it, and how. He should've walked you to the counter, ordered it, asked you if you'd like anything else then purchase it. If interest exists.

    • I see. Thanks. But the situation was different, i arrived 30 minutes before because coffee shop owner is my friend and ordered my own tea until he comes. He asked me if i like to refill my tea an di said no.

  • Nah. If he asks her out, he's interested

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    • in addition to that, if he agrees to go out, he's interested

    • He has asked to see me once. To come to my place to cook and have dinner together. That's it. He always agrees to see me so far. Even if I say he doesn't have to spend time with me, he just does. I dont know.

    • then he's interested. he makes time for you

  • yes 100%

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  • No. I think it's double standard Bolognese.

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What Girls Said 3

  • I think a guy paying demonstrates effort and definitely shows a degree of interest.

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  • I think its good both of you are investing in the relationship

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  • no it doesn't show anything

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