When a guy breaks it off all of a sudden, but he asks if I want to be his friend instead?

I've been dating a guy for about a month now - he told me that he really likes me, and thinks i'm the coolest and most amazing girl he met, but he was unsure about it being long term and wanted to take it slow. I really like this guy and he knows that - we never started out as friends as we met online.

Now all of a sudden, he breaks it off with me saying it is unfair to leave me hanging around whilst he is unsure for the long term, and that he enjoys my company and wants to stay as friends. I never saw him as friends as we were purely dating from the beginning.

Is there any way of turning it back around? I'm really sad that he came to this solution... I told him I can't be friends with him as it is too cruel to stay around someone who only wants to be friends, when my intention was more than that. Am I right not to be friends with him?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • When someone uses the excuse that "I am doing this to be fair to you," I want to hit them in the face. That is an excuse for not telling you the real reason. Tell this boy goodbye.

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    • I'm trying to get the real reason out of him because he can't just say it's not going to work in the long term, if we only been for three drinks - we haven't even had dinner. I told him that I was unsure too, but that I was willing to give it a try and see how it goes after a few more dates to be completely sure... I did ask him as to why he doesn't think it will work because I think I have the right to know what he is thinking honestly, but he hasn't replied back to me yet.

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    • Yes, I agree - that's why I really don't want to be friends with him, as I can't just switch off my feelings like that. And told him I can't be friends, I don't want to be around him whilst he was dating another girl. But seems like he wants to keep me as a friend, and I'm saying I'm cutting you off, if there's no more. I'm just really disappointed that he gave up this easily :(

    • Since you now know that he is the kind of guy who quits at the first sign of trouble (whatever it was) . . . maybe you should re-evaluate what a good catch he was. Perhaps breaking up would have been inevitable and he has only saved you some time.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I feel he is Being 100% an Honest John with you Here, dear, with his own Intentions, so as to Not Lead you on.
    He may Want for now, to Take it Slow and See if there is More in Store down a Love Line some Time but not Now it would Seem. He is not this Ready Steady Eddy.
    It's up to you and your own Heart, if you can Handle his Request. Nursing and Nurturing is a Good way to Begin any Possible Romance by Chance, for Friendship is the Trick to Take a First Baby step that could Lead to More down a Potential Path.
    Think it Over. Life is Gamble anyway, so what would you have to Lose? Maybe just a Lesson in Life.
    Good Luck. xx

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    • Thanks for the advice, I did consider it, but I know him saying being friends meant purely friends only... or at least I would categorise him as friend only and friendzone him. I don't want to see/know him being with another girl, which is why I think it's right to not be friends and keep the boundaries clear.

    • Yes, he says Friends because he doesn't want a commitment but he may grow to want more later. Maybe never.
      However, if it is going to break your heart, then stay clear and just be civil to him when running into him. xx

    • Thanks for the Vote of Confidence. xx

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What Guys Said 6

  • i´d guess he has find another interest but wants to keep you warm in the meantime xD either that or he still wants your friendship. either well, don´t be the doormat! if you can and want to be friends, do it. if you like him for more than that, then don´t.

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  • Guys generally don't like commitment or exclusivity. He's probably assuming (usually rightly so) you want that. What generally happens is the guy cheats when he's practically forced to be in a closed long term relationship he doesn't want to be in. At least he's trying to save you the grief. I'd move on unless you like getting disappointed. Unless there's benefits involved guys generally aren't friends with girls they are sexually attracted to, I don't see why the reverse wouldn't be true.

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    • That's what I thought, but actually he's always been the one pushing about his life plan and about getting married in the next two years. I was a bit worried at first, but I thought go with the flow and see what happens as I really like this guy, but now I generally don't know what happened/went wrong - he tells me I am very attractive and really likes me and how we are very similar, but he wanted to be completely sure before making any move on me and go slow, which I agreed to... instead now he ditches me and wants to be friends?

    • "let's take things slow" is usually code for "let's break up slowly" when we can't make up our minds or are simply cowards and are afraid of how you will take it. Apparently he finally did, who knows what his real reasons are. My guess was the commitment thing: it was possibly an act that he was tiring of maintaining. Fear of commitment is almost universal among guys, some hide it better than others.

  • Need to know what changed in his life... that caused that...

    something did trust me... i need more facts.. his age ur age.. etc... u in school or no... he in school do u live on ur own does he etc...

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    • We are both working, 27 - he's Indian and I'm Chinese, he said that he doesn't mind dating outside his culture nor does his family. He loves what I am doing with my life as I recently changed careers to pursue my passion... and he wants to settle down and get married within the next two years, in which I am looking to do so as well. I honestly don't know what went wrong. I did ask at the end what was it that he thought wouldn't work long term as I do have the right to know and not be brushed off with that excuse as we only been on three dates, we haven't even had dinner, always just drinks. And he writes me off just like that? Even though he mentions how his family knows about me and talks about having kids etc...

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    • Yes, he is always the one asking to go on dates and meet up, he always texts me too and asks questions about me. He told me he really likes me, he likes how we are very similar, from a similar background and have the same values in life. And loves that I am very driven and knows a lot about the Indian culture. So it is really a huge question mark as why he breaks it off suddenly... yet won't explain properly.

    • I think something going on with him that would cause him to do that.. clearly... another girl he's really in the CIA or what not or maybe gay... but their is a reason. 4 sure

  • you made the best csll. completely in the right, and if he can't handle it, we'll that's on him.

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  • If two in a relationship can break up and remain friends, they were either never in live or still are.

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  • It depends on guyz... the only possibilty here is that he has another affair or he thinks he has used u enough.. its not a good thing.. i hv no idea who this guy is or his behaviour... bt i suggest u do a research on this guyz activites before decide...

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What Girls Said 2

  • You have to do what's best for you and if not communicating with him is what's healthy for you then that's what's right. If he changes his feelings, he knows how to reach you but you need to focus on you and meeting people who feel the way you feel about them.

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    • Thanks, what you said is really true. If I continued talking to him, I know I will fall for him even more, even if it is just "friends". I think it's because we started off completely as strangers and then started seeing each other, I never considered him as a friend in a way, more of someone I am trying to get to know with romantic interest. I think it's best to keep it clear, he knows I delete people if things don't work out between the guys I date, so maybe that's why he is trying to use the friend card... do you think I should tell him that I won't delete him and he knows where I am if he is ready to talk later in the future?

    • Yeah but DONT reach out to him first after telling him that.

  • you did the right thing. Forget him and move on

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