Are my standards too high?

Are my standards too high?

P. S I am a Christian too. That's why I have these standards.

  • Yes! No one is perfect.
    39%(21)48%(58)Vote54%(37)
  • No! Having high standards is great.
    33%(18)26%(32)Vote21%(14)
  • Maybe.
    22%(12)21%(26)Vote21%(14)
  • I don't know.
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Updates:
I feel like I should explain myself a little better.
1. By "procrastinate", I mean like someone who says they will change such things like porn habits, or maybe actually seeking work, etc.
2. By "being equal", I mean, not a sexist man who thinks all women belong in the kitchen.
3. By "poor grooming habits" I mean, someone who doesn't brush their teeth often, someone who doesn't shower as often, etc
4. By a "liar", I mean, someone who lies about EVERYTHING!
@Prof_Don... here's the positive list:

Someone who's funny, kind, loving and understanding.
Someone who can make me laugh, support and care for me, and I for them.
Someone who loves animals, reading, going to the movies, history or whatever they are in too.
Someone who encourages me, and I them.
Someone who doesn't take life too seriously and has a good laugh at themselves when its needed.
Someone who's spontuous and cool.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Your standards are the bare minimum. Any idiot who can't meet these standards should be sterilized.

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    • That's the best answer I've heard yet! haha

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    • Thankfully I meet the bare minimum and more so I'm safe.

What Guys Said 49

  • No standards are too high.. as long as you follow them all yourself.

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    • Yes, I follow them myself. I was raised a Christian and seeking the best is what I aim for.

  • let me answer your question with one of my own. "have you had a long term committed relationship yet?" if not then you're probably too picky. Also, you should imagine this from the other side. If a man had the same rules as you do, would they date you?

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    • Yes, I've had a long term relationship (2 years, almost three). I have these standards because of that relationship and others.

  • A lot of these are actually one thing and kind of go hand in hand with each other. But I think I see some conflicting personality traits here. Or at least some you don't see go together often.

    "don't date a controlling man who doesn't believe in being equal"
    This is the one that's gonna ruin your relationships. There is no such thing as an equal relationship. The best you can ask for is to feel like your doing the most work and for the other person to feel like their doing the most and for both people to at least see each other trying. Usually they don't though.

    The idea that a relationship should feel equal is the biggest reason that no one can have a successful one anymore. They have unrealistic expectations.

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  • I am christian 2 and I know where your coming from... but then again some of the things on your list have nothing to do with being a good christian either... The most important thing is does he Love the lord if he does then everything else will fall into play... but you have a lot of important ones I would say just not all of them. That is the best honest answer i can give you.

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  • You can have whatever standards or preference you want, so in that sense, there is no such thing as too high... though that's probably not what you're asking.
    I'm assuming you're asking because you're frustrated you can't find anyone like that or are wondering if such men even exist.
    Well, realistically speaking, you barely match any guys at all... And the few guys you probably match are either taken or won't be your type for any number of other reasons, such as - they're boring, they're ugly, or you just don't see them that way. Or maybe you won't match their type. Which means you have quite a low chance of even meeting the man of your dreams in the first place, and even lower chance to actually have a relationship with him. If you want that to change, then change your standards. If instead you're happy with that conclusion, then don't change them.

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  • This sounds like an abstract list written in Dreamland. Also, these are not "standards". This are a laundry list of dealbreakers.

    Thirdly, this is a very negative list, a bunch of "don't" on this list? Put a positive spin on this. What qualities DO you want in a partner?

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  • I said no cause if that's what you want then don't settle for anything less, but all I'd say to a list that big is 'good luck'

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  • Well I don't fins these are high standards but basic requirements but I am not in a really good spot to give advice on that matter.

    Also add decent good looking to the list.

    I would also add go to church on a regular basis as a minimum of two times a month not necessary for the mass but for praying in a church.

    I would also precise if you prefer catholic orthodox protestant etc cause they are all christian but with differebt "beliefs" or at least way to approach their faith.

    Wish you well and god bless you.

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  • Some of these are way too judgmental. You aren't perfect. Everyone lies, everyone procrastinates some point in their life?, everyone slacks off. People who swear are actually more honest.

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  • Those are about the same as my standards.

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  • You are the perfect girl.. not for me.. but umm to someone else.. You sound like a keeper... but let's keep you somewhere else XD

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  • I'm Christian too. Your standards are great.😊

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  • You didn't mention a single physical trait on your list, yet I find it hard to believe that you have absolutely no requirements when it comes to appearance. All of these things are fine and good, but when you add your physical standards, you may have to compromise on one or two of them.

    Also, your 3rd and 13th points somewhat contradict each other...

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  • You... want to date a priest? I didn't know they let priests date.

    Or a robot. Guarantee to match all of your needs. Probably will have to tinker his logic board before he asks too many questions about miracles and people would kick him out of the church.

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  • i think it's perfectly fine.

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  • i can tick all those boxes

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    • That's awesome! :)
      Any Christian woman would be lucky to have you :)

  • I would never want a girl without those kind of standards met!
    I admit I'm a porn addict, and a bit of a slacker who lack grooming habits... But I'm single, and extremely lonely! I'm sure having a girlfriend would greatly inspire me to try harder! Either way, I meet every other one of those with no problem at all!

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  • Live a little sweet pea... live a little. Sound stiff as a steal rod

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  • Are you a good Christian woman who want's to be a peaceful wife who submits to her husband or are you the kind of Christian woman who wants to lead her husband?

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    • I am a good Christian woman who wants to meet a good Christian man. Everyone has their weakness and that's when I will call upon my husband or he will call upon me. No one is better than the other :)

    • oh I definitely agree no one is better than the other, especially in a marriage. I was just wondering if you believe in biblical gender rolls within a marriage. Like this lady as an example

      www.youtube.com/channel/UCXnU0StfBrat4p5X1SxS7Fg

  • simple answer. if you don´t find guys to date, then you are too picky. if it works for you, you´re not.

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  • You're one of these demanding little snowflakes that never thought to stop and assess what exactly YOU will do for a guy, or what you bring that is of high value.

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  • if this dude exists then i don't think you have a chance with him. he's ticking boxes even Jesus didn't xD

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  • no I don't think so I am a Christian to

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    • I have these "standards" because of previous dating experiences. It's good to find other Christian on here :)

  • Many of those are respectable but: everyone lies, what is a porn addict?, what exactly do you consider a slacker, same with procrastinator, some peoples opinions on getting married change, swearing? good luck, the rest is fine. everything you're asking for is fine, just good luck finding someone like this. You're more likely to find someone lying and pretending to follow your standards.

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  • I agree with these standards except one drink. I drink one beer because I enjoy it. Other than that these are my own standards.

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    • Like us all, there's always room for improvement :D
      I try and follow the bible as much as I can.

  • if you find a man who truly believes in GOD most of those things will be covered
    except for a few

    there are some things there that are out of your control

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  • The part about equality doesn't seem to corelate with your believes, and you're have a hard time finding someone that fits all of those standards, but whatever, you like what you like.

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  • Where's "Do not date to human" ? Lol.

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  • No one is perfect but your standards aren't too high. You're Christian entitled
    to your own preference.

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    • Entitled to a preference, yes. I am having a hard time with the "I'm a Christian, that's why." I'm perfectly tolerant and respectful of others religious beliefs. But, there are no bonus "I'm a good person" points for ascribing to any religious doctrine. The entire premise of Christianity is that humans are flawed, salvation is dependent on forgiveness for transgressions. Humans are born to fail, it is assumed they will do things on this list, and therefore require asking forgiveness. I can't logically align that with the judgmental list of "if you do this, I can't love you." Seems too antithetical. Boundaries, absolutely. Judgment for being human, not so much.

      Plus, the update contradicts the original list.

    • @HaveQuestions The update is further explaining what the original list means to me.
      And, I accept everyone makes mistakes, I make them all the time, however, if we repent of them then it's ok. If you go out and sin, on purpose, the Lord isn't so forgiving. You're mocking his sacrifice (the atonement).

    • Not at all. You posted this, for others to comment on. Mocking would require me making fun of, or holding some kind of scorn for the religion. I don't. Disagreement and/or questions are not mocking. To claim I am mocking it, is a simple way to disregard alternative opinions. Thanks though.

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What Girls Said 23

  • Standard are fine. But, damn. Standards are supposed to be what you hold yourself to. You cannot control any of this in anybody else. I'd worry about holding yourself to what you believe to be your best self. Even you will fail at some of these, sometime in life. I don't care what religious beliefs are behind your standards, people are human.

    Also, I think these are unrealistic because they are so undefined. Poor grooming habits? Hahaha, we all have had the flu at some point or another and not showered for a couple days. Seriously. Overall? Of course. But, this is life. Ever gone camping? No shower there, plus sunscreen, bug spray, swimming in lakes, etc.

    Swears, drinks, or smokes... well, what about communion, if you practice that? Wedding toasts? Also, I think with it so rigid, you're more at risk that if they were to do something like this once or twice, they'd likely lie to you about it because you appear to be so unforgiving and like someone would be abandoned if they were honest about being curious about trying these. Do you want an honest, human relationship? Or a facade of perfection?

    Doesn't take no for an answer... fine. On matters of invalidating your right to think differently, or matters of unhealthy controlling behavior. What about the times when you are afraid to try something, even though it might be a great opportunity? What about when you are tired, broken down, and don't feel like you can do what you need to? I want someone who can see my "no's" like that and push back. Someone who can see that "no" in those times means, I'm afraid and I think I need your support. I want someone who knows me well enough to push back when my knee jerk reaction is no, if they can see I'm going to benefit from pushing through whatever is stopping me. Fear, exhaustion, anxiety. I want someone who helps me be a better person, and support me through the times when "no" means losing out on something of value in life because I'm having a hard time seeing it right then.

    And I'll say it again here. Equality when you want it exactly 50/50 is ridiculous. Two people always have strengths and weaknesses. The goal is to compliment each other, and be stronger together because you do compliment each other. That's what true "equality" in a relationship is. I do my part, you do yours, together we do it all. You're not going to do the same exact damn thing as your partner and call it healthy.

    Work on living up to your self standards. Let people be human.

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  • Those are common sense.
    You want someone who loves you, respects you and share common grounds and morals.

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  • Sounds like your the crazy control freak! You basically want to be with a fake person... and the fact that you blamed your "morals" on your faith... just reminds me why I dont like people like you..

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  • If you know the reason why you live by those standards , then you won't feel they are too high.

    Everyone has standards. If you don't, then you'll end up setting for just anyone. It shows you know your own worth 😊

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  • most of your requests are normal but some are dumb

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  • It sounds like you want a robot. Or a priest. Or a robot priest, that'd be pretty bad ass tbh lol

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  • I don't think they are since you're christian. But it might be difficult to meet someone like that since there are not many people who don't drink at all. Maybe on a christian dating site most people are like this?

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  • date yer priest

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  • There's nothing wrong with having high standards. However, you will probably find it more difficult to get a boyfriend with so many expectations.

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  • what u wrote is actually very normal. those aren't high standards. they're all reasonable.

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  • This are nice standards, but I am afraid no man on this planet, even non christian ones, will comply with them all.

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  • I didn't even bother to read them all. Yes you have too high standards. Noone is perfect, and please chill a bit. Setting standards like this will only be bad for you.

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    • But, ey I shouldn't really tell you how to live your life. If anyone can fit this standards, perfect for you! Don't listen to me. I just realize that being too picky will get you nowhere, and hope I didn't come off as rude. I didn't bother to read them, because they were too detailed, and just way too much. My advice would just be to chill a bit.

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    • Okey, totally fine xD I just know that being too picky with anything will lead to you just not living a fullfilling life. I don't need to be that old to understand that. But you decide the value of my opinion on your own.

    • Ahh, the cringe is real. It really reflects on your maturity once you state comments like that. Did you really need to point that out, just take the opinion and do what you want with it, geez.

  • Lost me at 'don't date a non christian' didn't bother reading on. lmfao

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  • I think that as long as you live up to these standards yourself, it's ok. However, maybe you can try being a little more open-minded about some of the things on your list.

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    • I follow all of the above :)

  • So you're looking for your exact clone? I wish you luck.

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    • No. If it was my exact clone I would of added more to the list and been a complete control freak about what he has to like, do, etc.
      As a Christian, you seek someone who has your standards. Simple :)

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    • No. He wasn't, not even close. However, I gave him a chance and, because of him, I have this list.
      I did write down a few positive things in the update.

    • 'Doesn't take life too seriously' seems like the opposite of your original list. Your list is taking life very very seriously.

  • very difficult to find such person

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  • It'll be difficult to find someone who doesn't swear.
    Your standard are pretty normal, setting the bar a bit high tho.

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  • I giggled at frequent chastity breaker a little bit of sex is good but not too much, but no I think everyone should have standards only people who won't like it are the ones who don't measure up

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  • good luck with that. everyone has flaws

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  • This sounds like a disaster.

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  • Not really

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  • No your standards are not too high.

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  • You might as well date a priest lol

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