I am a 23 yo engineering student. I've never had a girlfriend. Two years ago I was very depressed (to the point of being completely unable to study) because of this, but with the help of meds and therapy I can finally say I'm fine now. Growing up I was fat and nerdy, and I've always been interested in uncommon stuff; as a result I have always been bullied by the so called cool kids. When I was 18 I lost about 20 kg and finally cut my long hair, but I kept feeling like the weird fat kid I used to be. So I didn't approach at all, because I felt ugly. But being single and a virgin felt like a confirmation that I was worthless. Seeing handsome guys having it easy, often despite being shitty people, made me very envious. "Why don't I look good? What did I do so wrong to deserve this?" That's what my ill brain kept telling me.
Fast forward a couple of years, here I am. I started being more outgoing, and even went on a bunch of dates. I'm not a virgin anymore. But for some reason it never lasts more than a couple of months (usually weeks). When I start caring about her something always happens (usually an ex boyfriend appears) and I end up alone again. Of course, I'm not very experienced in bed too, and this also hurts a lot. It feels like I'm the only one to be this old and this clueless, even if I know the internet is full of people in a similar situation. I am very worried I will be a disappointing lover. I will never look good (I think I am a 5 out of 10) and even if one part of my brain knows that not every people is superficial, I feel like most girls my age go for the hottest guy, and personality is a seconary trait. What can I do to make myself more attractive?
Sorry for any mistake I may have made, English is not my native language.