I am not attractive. What can I do to stop feeling bad because of my looks?

I know this has been asked about one million times but, you know, it's Valentine's day, and having to spend it by myself once again (as I always had since the day I was born) I couldn't help but feel a little sad today.

I am a 23 yo engineering student. I've never had a girlfriend. Two years ago I was very depressed (to the point of being completely unable to study) because of this, but with the help of meds and therapy I can finally say I'm fine now. Growing up I was fat and nerdy, and I've always been interested in uncommon stuff; as a result I have always been bullied by the so called cool kids. When I was 18 I lost about 20 kg and finally cut my long hair, but I kept feeling like the weird fat kid I used to be. So I didn't approach at all, because I felt ugly. But being single and a virgin felt like a confirmation that I was worthless. Seeing handsome guys having it easy, often despite being shitty people, made me very envious. "Why don't I look good? What did I do so wrong to deserve this?" That's what my ill brain kept telling me.

Fast forward a couple of years, here I am. I started being more outgoing, and even went on a bunch of dates. I'm not a virgin anymore. But for some reason it never lasts more than a couple of months (usually weeks). When I start caring about her something always happens (usually an ex boyfriend appears) and I end up alone again. Of course, I'm not very experienced in bed too, and this also hurts a lot. It feels like I'm the only one to be this old and this clueless, even if I know the internet is full of people in a similar situation. I am very worried I will be a disappointing lover. I will never look good (I think I am a 5 out of 10) and even if one part of my brain knows that not every people is superficial, I feel like most girls my age go for the hottest guy, and personality is a seconary trait. What can I do to make myself more attractive?

Sorry for any mistake I may have made, English is not my native language.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Where do you live? Cause you look very handsome.

    • Not really sure if you are serious, but thank you. If you are, then I have a new question: if that's the case why do I find it so difficult to find a girl that's attracted to me?
      I'm from Italy, anyway.

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    • Well if it helps. You are a very handsome guy ;) you sound like a great guy, so i hope you find the women of your dreams! They were the one that lost something good, not you.

    • You are very kind... Thank you very much :) I should read your last sentence again and again until I start believing it. :D

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What Girls Said 2

  • It is important to remember that looks aren't everything and beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Focus on feeling good about yourself and the right lady will come along. Best of luck

    • I know. But being objectively good looking helps. I am very aware that looks are just a part of the package, but what makes me feel a little sad is knowing that for so many people they are the most important part of the package. Shallow people, you may say, but we all fall in that trap. I've been guilty of that too.
      I am trying to feel as good as I can about myself, and I can sincerely say I am very proud of who I am. I just don't really like my face, and I feel so lonely sometimes.

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    • I am just tired of being lonely. Thanks for the support, I really appreciate it :)

    • Anytime! Hang in there, cheers to you :)

  • You don't look bad, what do you do to approach a girl usually?

    • Thank you, but I don't look good either... tough question. Nothing strange, I'm just getting used to talk to everyone so it kind of just happens naturally. I am quite sure that it's not the approach itself that's "wrong" as usually people react in a very friendly way. I don't like clubs so it usually happens in some bar or at the library.
      Are you italian by the way?

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