Is splitting the check on a first date a bad thing?

I'm not into paying everything if I'm not sure she doesn't want to abuse my kindness. I would gladly offer almost anything to a girl that I love but the simple thought that a girl would date me only to get some free stuff makes my blood boil.

I know it might seem greedy or something, but I just don't want anyone to use me. If I told you that on a first date, would it still sound bad?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Dating and relationships work because TWO people put in the effort for one and another. So why wouldn't that go for paying for certain things TOGETHER? I know how it was traditionally a cultural thing where men were suppose to do it, but we're in the 21st century people, get with the program lol

    It ain't bush week..

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Most Helpful Guy

  • A first date should really just be a coffee for an hour and determine whether this is someone you would actually like to see again. You can get this.
    And even if it's great, just get up and leave - you have a busy life and stuff to do. Make a date for a real date, and then you both can decide how it gets paid for. It's nicer to take turns, rather than trying to split everything down the middle. Most girls worth their salt are willing to treat a guy sometimes. Don't make it complicated - only this generation is sweating this.

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    • Great adviceπŸ’Ÿ And you are correct, for some reason so many in my generation get bogged down on this.

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    • @flying_pizza πŸ’Ÿβ€πŸ’Ÿβ€

    • @flying_pizza - Dude, you been drinkin' the FI koolaid. And man, are you gonna get mauled for it.

      Women are definitely not disadvantaged. AT ALL. In fact, they get WAY more perks and advantages in today's fem-centric societly than any man. EVER.
      Whoa. Vagina = free pass for pretty much everything.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 17

  • Nope, cuz it weeds out the bratty girls :)

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  • No its not bad , first dates are getting to know each other , nobody's obligated to pay for the whole bill all together. It gets expensive doing that, save it for when someone is special enough and not just a random first date

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  • It's not a bad thing and you don't seem greedy. If I was told that, I wouldn't even care because we're both broke af.
    I don't like people buying things for me, and I don't like buying things for myself.
    If a girl is offended that you won't foot the entire bill, break up with her, she's not worth it.

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  • Dear, I think you should ask her out to a coffeeshop. Drinking coffee or tea is cheap, most likely you guys may get a slice of cake. Per person, it would cost at most 10$ I believe in the US. But in France, 10 Euros maybe? I don't know. Dont take her out to somewhere expensive if you think splitting bill gives a bad impression to the girl.

    However, in my opinion, (this is what I do always), I never let someone pay for me on a first date.

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  • I actually understand where you are coming from. I wouldn't want to feel used or have my kindness taken for granted. This is why you only take females who you are serious about dating and being in a relationship with. Other than that, you both can go half or she can pay her own way. I agree, you shouldn't take every girl out on date who you are just getting to know. You both may not click, and it will be just a waste of your time.

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  • I wouldn't have a problem with that as long as he asks kindly

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  • Agree with browneye, its this generation that confuses me.
    Dating shouldn't break your bank account.
    You meet the first time for a quick "interview" for coffee, tea, a walk to get to know and find out how much interest she is showing. If you are mature enough, you should be able to have a good feel. Even if she is not interested or you are not, still pay for the tea, coffee or ice cream. As you get to know ea. other, you will know if she is your type very soon and there are other fun and cheaper ways to go on dates. More fun in planning things together then worrying about splitting the bill. Plan a picnic together, have her bring some of her favor foods to try. Surprise her, pick her up.
    True there are girls who are out there looking for guys to take care of them and a lot will use you as well.

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  • Absolutely not, in fact I prefer it that way. I'd rather pay for him then let him pay for me. :)

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  • in my opinion who ever does the asking should at least offer to pay.

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  • I would not want a stingy guy but a guy who is afraid of being used is not being stingy - he is being cautious - and being cautious is important.

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  • Of course not.

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  • if you invite a girl on a first date pay for the damn date.

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    • Who said he invited her? Why does everyone assume that a first date is initiated by the man? It's certainly not true for most first dates I had.

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    • @SarahsSummer LMFAO someone's clearly bitter af and needs to learn how to read graphs but it's certainly not the men in this thread.

    • I gave my opinions, I gave evidence from study answering why "everyone assumes a first date is initiated by the man" I readdressed the chart and the overwhelming majority of first dates being initiated by men. I sensed bitterness by the first respondants "who said he invited her..." if that wasn't meant to be incendiary or argumentative, I apologize.
      Instead of giving my opinion of what to do, I'll just simply answer to the question. Yes, IMHO, splitting the check on a first date is a bad thing.

  • Not everyone wants to use you, to me this is the time to make the first impression it shows she at least worth a plate of food

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    • you're obviously not very smart or you'd realize that it's also on you to make a first impression as well. so why isn't he worth at least a plate of food?

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    • If the girl wants me to consider her as a VIP even if we don't know each other, she looks like a selfish princess to me. In that case, I prefer to stop everything.

    • I like to know the people im going to dateI first, to each their own

  • I normally ask so I have always offered to pay. Check splitting makes it a friend hang which is fine can't have enough friend in my opinion but too each their own and more people are into that these days.

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  • Yes, it mean you doesn't want to have a second date. If you into all equality stuff and all. The girl would pay for the second date.

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    • Girls should pay for the first date. If she's into equality and stuff I can pay for the second.

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    • Not originally no, although I've spent some time in Sweden before.

      I'll tell you my secret if you tell me yours, babe. Where are you from?

    • @ineverpayfordates I'm from Belarus. It's between Russia and Poland (in case you don't know)

  • I can see that you're from France. Most French guys I dated made me split the bill on a first date so I guess you're in good company. :'( :'( :'( :'(

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    • How do you feel about it? Does this make the guy look bad to you?

    • To be honest, yes, it does make you look bad. I want to feel special on a first date and splitting the bill is so ugh... unromantic.

    • Yeah but on a first date, it's rare to know if the girl is really special. I don't want to make a girl feel special if she is not.

What Guys Said 8

  • I think splitting the check is a perfectly fine thing to do. However, your rationality for it bothers me a bit. It's starting to sound like an insecurity -- this fear that the girl might only be dating you for free shit. I think it's worth losing that insecurity and find a better rationale for splitting a check that isn't fueled by suspicion.

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    • There are so many fucked up girls nowadays so I tend to be cautious.

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    • @tyber1 LOL! you're the only one adamantly against paying, fucktard.
      with no disrespect to ak666 I guess its mute time for you bitter child

    • @SarahsSummer I'm against it because it's disrespectful to expect someone to pay for you just because of their gender.

  • I don't think so. I mean, I don't do it (i. e. I would always pay on the first date), but splitting seems like the thing to do for people your age. I think it's fine.

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  • man it's all about how you act, if you're pretty jovial or civil with how you ask, you know, if they don't mind splitting a check then you asked, if they want/need you to pay, then that's all okay. i usually have to split it because i don't earn much, but that's just me.

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  • If you're asking a girl on a date, you're asking her to be your guest and accompany you. You SHOULD pay for the date.

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    • Who said anything about him asking her out on a date? How do you know it wasn't her asking him out?

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    • @tyber1 - Because not showing class when you can, is kind of what makes this world the fucked up place it is. A couple of days ago, we were visiting a neighboring town for an ice sculpture festival, but right after we parked the car, we encountered some teenagers hanging around at a corner. They smoked, wore all black, were covered in tattoos, and were giving pissed-off attitude to each other. Every other word that came out of their mouths was 'fuck this!' and 'goddamn that!'. They're not making the world a better place.

    • The problem I was complaining about isn't the guy showing class, it's the woman not showing class.

  • I tend to pay on a first date unless the girl offers to split it. I don't think there's anything wrong with doing it your way though, what you're saying makes perfect sense.

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    • do girls offer to split in your experience?

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    • Not often and only by exes and girls that i already know.

    • @cinnaminion @ineverpayfordates that's so true, beautiful women will never offer to pay, they just expect to be paid for. haha

  • I personally think if you know her well enough already (like let's say u were friends before you started dating) then I'd at least offer to pay. If it's like online dating and stuff then I think it's completely your choice.

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  • oh I read that as spitting the cheek! You mean cheque, that's not a bad thing, no

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  • I've never paid the entire bill on a first date. I had some girls offering to pay the entire bill, others have split. If she places such a high priority on getting free stuff then she's probably not that interested in you in the first place.

    One word of advice though: Bring it up before the date that you're splitting the bill.

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