Matched with someone's ex fiancé on tinder: what would you do?

🤔 I knew this girl in high school, and we interact occasionally through social media. But we have never been close, and don't like... text each other and hang out and stuff.

Within the past month, maybe less, her and her fiancé broke things off.

Monday he and I matched on tinder.

Last night he sent a message

Today we've been steadily talking

for some reason I feel guilty. I feel like I should ask her where they stand since it's so fresh. I have no attachment to him whatsoever at this point so if she asked me to stop talking to him I would.

But I don't want her to think I'm trying to start drama by approaching her about it and asking her if things are cool and such.

Like if they're still talking I don't want any part of it honestly. But I can't ask him because I've never met him, whereas I know her.

Updates:
Why does everyone keep mentioning rebound like I care about being a rebound or not? It's not like I'm romantically invested in the dude lol

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Most Helpful Guy

  • She sounds like an acquaintance not a friend. So I wouldn't worry about that side of things. If it weren't for the huge web of social media, you'd have no contact with her.

    But as for him, you might as well mention that you don't really know her but had actually seen they split up. Just get it out there so it's... kind of not like this looming thing where he knows and you know but he doesn't know if you know blah blah blha. Just have it in the past like yeah he was engaged recently and its broken off. I mean that may explain some of his behavior and if it's just out there and known things are actually more relaxing going forward.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • if you are not close, you don't owe her an explanation.

    different story if it was your best friend's ex, in which case you just don't. but you and the girl are merely acquaintances.

    also, if he just got out of a serious relationship, he's looking for a rebound and you're going to get hurt.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 15

  • It really depends on a lot of factors. Generally if its within the past month its probably a sensitive topic to approach towards her. On the other hand you might want to do it in case she still has hopes and such.

    Personally I find it too hot a topic and would just let it be. The potential drama and complications aren't worth having casual sex.

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  • Oh my goodness, I'd stay away from these people... it can only be a ticking time bomb :-(
    Maybe they'll invent the word "chindering", cheating via Tinder!

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  • Basic logic miss
    It's been a month. You're probably rebound
    Yes you are starting issues if it's only been month --> because you will become 'that' girl in case they happen to work things out within the next year

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    • If you don't care about being a rebound. Then you kinda just wanna have fun

      So then it makes no sense to really care about her or their relationship. Do what you gotta do, if that makes you happy. Sure you might become 'that' girl who sexed up her ex fiance while they were working things out... but whateves. You already subjected yourself to that at this point

      Take what you want and walk away or fall in love

    • Show All
    • I just don't want any necessary negative energy out there. She's never done me any wrong in the like 8 years I've known her. We've never disagreed or gotten on one another's bad side

    • Then just avoid it (for now) Cause ull forever be that girl lol and it never change

      And whatever does happen, it will always be partly your fault cause you were in the picture (let it be someone for now if you don't wanna be that girl)

      BUT Here's where it gets complicated. If you feel there is potential for love or a relationship. Then you might wanna let go of what she thinks and go for what you want

      --> your best option is just going slow. Only talking for now and testing the waters. See whats up. And besides waiting with all this tension, if things seem ok, will give you guys mind blowing heat... because you were a prize that took a lot of effot (waiting)

      Hahaha. Did that make a little sense

  • DON'T DO IT. he just got out of a serious relationship. He's looking for a rebound and you will get hurt if you start catching feelings.

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    • Yep, you can't control who you have feelings as well for. I fell hard for a girl who was on the rebound and even tried keeping it under control and going with the flow. And guess what? I still got fucked over.

  • Since you don't know the girl that well and was never close to her, you should have zero guilt talking to this girl's ex-fiance.

    Other ppl's relationships are not your business, so go ahead and do whatever makes you feel good. :)

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  • Why do you give a fuck about her if u aren't that close, just do whatever u want lol.

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  • you okay being the rebound? that's the question I'd be asking my self if I was you.

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    • We both already established we're just looking to talk right now. And if it went somewhere then cool, if not then we made a new friend.

      This would be easier if he were just looking for a hook up honestly

    • I think if you're worried about starting drama that is probably going to be a risk regardless of what you do with the guy, her feelings are probably pretty raw right now and even if she saw you talking on face book she'd probably blow it way out of proportion. Just curious but why would him looking for a hook up make it easier? I don't follow..

      I mentioned rebound because I wasn't sure what you were after with this guy and didn't want you to get hurt, but also didn't want to try and tell you what to do.

  • I don't see a problem. There is a reason both of you were on Tinder, right? ;-)

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  • I think it's perfectly fine to not say anything to her at all.

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  • if your not close you don't owe her anything

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  • If you were only aquintances go for it. Just say you didn't know.

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  • Follow your heart my dood

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  • An ex is an ex. Fuck him, literally.

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  • Stop using Tinder, Be honest and put profile on youporn. Tinder sucks.

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  • I'd be cautious as he says he just got out of a serious relationship. I know you're just talking for now but proceed with caution.

    Being rebounded can mess you up more than being single, trust me.

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    • @teawrecks regarding the update. You may not be romantically invested in the guy, but one you met him off tinder and should you catch feelings for the guy you should still be cautious as the guy just got out of a serious relationship where he was engaged. That is all.

      Most rebounds end up being disasters. I've been rebounded twice and trust me it fucking sucks.

What Girls Said 7

  • Why even talk to him in the first place! Unless you intend on going through with it. I don't see the point in telling her.

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  • It's none of the lady's business.

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  • You don't really owe her anything. But if it makes you feel better, hit her up. I'd think that it would just cause unnecessary drama.

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  • She's not a close friend so you don't need to get permission.

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  • you should tell him that you know her

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  • See if I can get him to say his intentions and then kill the relationship

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  • I wouldn't date him

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