Is he pulling away or am I just overthinking?

So long story short - we've been best friends for a long time - until we admitted to having feelings for each other and decided to give dating a try. The past 3 weeks have been absolutely amazing. We would see each other at work, grab a drink together afterwards, and then go our separate ways. It wasn't overbearing where we would spend all day every day together, but a few hours 2-3 times a week which was normal for our friendship - just now it included cuddles and kissing. We knew that this past Saturday was gonna be the last time we saw each other for awhile since he was as quitting and starting a new job, and I was going on vacation for a week.

But I feel like we've barely talked since I've been away. We would normally text throughout the day and since I've been gone I'll get one or two messages a few hours apart. They're still sweet, but I don't know... I just feel like something's off and I don't know if it's just that we are both off work and spending more time with family, or if he just doesn't want to talk to me?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • seems hard to say. it may have been easier to converse when you were seeing each other more frequently (working together) and it can be a challenge to maintain the level of intimacy when things change... but i wouldn't necessarily assume he wasn't interested.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think maybe you're both learning to be apart from one another. When friendships turn into relationships, we're comfortable having a couple days or hours a week just as friends, but when it's longer time apart things get tense. Maybe we miss the person even more, or things don't feel right without them around. Maybe we're not acknowledging our emotions well enough to understand just what it is we're feeling. I have been through the same thing myself.

    My best advice would be to enjoy your vacation, and keep in touch but not too much. Text a couple times a day, and that's all. He could be busy, he may be feeling down without you being around, or maybe it's bothering him he's not seen you bec. you're away. He could be dealing with stress from the new job, and having you away is difficult. Maybe he has family stuff going on that he's not shared yet. There could be tons of possibilities, but definitely don't take it to heart.

    Just text when you can. Trust me, constant texting will get dull fast, and will take up your time away from everything else. If this is really bothering you, bring it up to him and ask if he's okay. Is there something on his mind maybe, or question why he seems so busy. Let him know you miss the constant talking over text.

    This could be a comfort thing too. for example, I've been with my best friend (now my bf) for over a year and we went from texting 24/7 to texting a few (maybe 5-10) times a day. He texts me when he's free, or when there's something up, when he misses me, etc. and I do the same.

    But there's a comfort that developped, bec. knowing the other person is right there, knowing you have that guy to go to, makes it so we really don't have to keep in touch 24/7. A few times a day is plenty, it's a reminder that we have that special guy there, and he has you there for him. He might simply not feel the need to keep in contact because things have developped and feelings changed in a good way though.

    Don't take it to offence, or to heart. Don't look too much into it either. Hopefully things will be alright :-)

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    • As friends we would text 24/7 though, and whenever we went more than 2 or 3 days without seeing each other, he'd tell me he missed me. So I think I'm missing the level of affection I got from him as just friends vs now that we're actually dating, it seems less?

    • Yes, that could very well be.
      He probably worked harder to keep you close and in constant contact when you two were friends, because he had feelings for you. Now that he has you he knows he doesn't have to try so hard kinda thing. I think you should tell him you miss him. Let him know his texts are what gets you through the day and you look forward to hearing from him.
      He probably doesn't even realize he's making you feel the way he has. It sounds like you are definitely missing something significant from how he was before. I hope you two can get back to having those longer convos, and staying in touch more. Let him know!
      I'm sure you will be happier and feel better too once you did.

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 2

  • over thinking. at least he is still in contact. probably feels more secure to go do other things now. you should too. let things unfold naturally.

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  • Why don't you ask him?

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