Is it wrong to give it a try even though I'm not THAT into him?

I like him. He's cute and he treats me awesome. But I'm not crazy over him like I usually get when I start liking a guy. I get way too crazy and I see unicorns and butterflies, lol. That's how I felt few months ago when I was crushing on this one guy from work, before I found out he has a girlfriend. Then this new guy came and I just feel confused. I know for the fact that I'm attracted to him, but I'm also fine not being with him. Being with him makes me calm and safe, it's simple, easy and fun. Really fun, I laugh all the time! I'm usually the type that falls in love pretty fast, but it seems I still didn't fall in love with him? Is that okay giving that it's only been few weeks since we started hanging out?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Life is too short to eat generic food! Being with him doesn't make you calm and safe.. you naturally feel that way... you need a guy who makes you feel out of control and excited... don't do it.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm going through this too. The last guy I dated I went gaga for. When we were together it was like fireworks and so passionate. BUT-it also burnt out just as quickly. The guy I'm dating now is taking it slow it seems. The first guy and I had instant chemistry and we were all over each other from the get-go. With this guy, we have to ease into it and get the timing right. It's not a fire. Somehow I think though, that our feelings will grow stronger over time. It seems we could have something real and sustainable one day, which is why I'm being patient about developing the passion with guy #2. But, I'm looking for a committed relationship not just a hot fling. This guy's def worth it. I say only give it a chance if you both want the same kind of relationship. If not, it's pretty much wasting his time, and yours.

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    • Yeah I'm not looking for a fling either, it feels like I finally have something real here. It was always me who pursued guys and who fell in love first, and this is the first time I was pursued and actually fell for it. I feel damn special lol.

    • Give him a chance then. Just went on my 5th date with my guy and I'm just barely starting to feel the butterflies, but they are DEFINITELY there now. :)

    • And forget about girlfriend guy. You need to think of being with him like being with a priest or a grandpa. Not gonna happen so you should put him outta ur head to give this new guy a real shot at ur heart.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 10

  • Naw, don't do this to a guy. You'll get him all hooked in and then want to cut him loose for someone else. It's like murdering someone's heart.

    Stupid people do this and get married and have kids. Then they figure it out and bail or have an affair. Look what happens! And the guy is standing there blindsided and excluded from his family. It's a national disgrace.

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    • I'm not even thinking about marriage or kids, geez it's been only a week! I think waiting for something that might never happen is stupid, I've been waiting for 2 years now and that didn't get me anywhere. I always fall for guys who don't like me back, it feels amazing finally having someone who does like me. Besides, I enjoy being intimate with him, he turns me on. I'm just not in love with him, yet. I think what's important is to be honest with him. The worst it could happen is not falling in love and breaking up. I mean that's life, shit happens. But I would never settle or lead him on, that would be cruel for both of us.

  • You just need to ask yourself what do you get out of giving it another try?

    Is it (as an example) because you don't want to be alone, or he treats you a certain way, cause it's just easier this way, or "I won't find someone else".

    Then I would say maybe it's not a great idea.

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    • It's mostly because I feel loved by him and because he treats me good. He was very persistent and that made me feel wanted and special. His good looks also had a part in it.

    • Those are all great feelings to have, and I think you should give it a little bit more time and see how you start to feel about him as a person and not just what he does for you. Then you can understand where you are at with him.

      But I think things sound good for you at this point.

  • It's called "giving it a try" for a reason :-P

    Go out with him once or twice and see how it goes. I have a friend who wasn't that excited about her husband when she first went out with him.

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  • www.court-records.net/animationgk/miles-aha(d).gif

    Don't do it. You will just end up breaking his heart.

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    • Well shit happens, can't always play it safe, that's life. My heart has been broken up many times too. I think that the most important thing is to be honest with him and if after some time I don't fall in love with I tell him and we break up.

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    • When did I said that I wasn't attracted to him? You missed the point, I AM attracted to him, I'm just not in love with him yet. Having sex with him is the pretty much the only thing I think about.

    • www.court-records.net/animationgk/miles-oof(b).gif

      My bad.

      www.court-records.net/.../miles-crossed(c).gif

      I will say however that you are into him if you are attracted to him. The "love" part takes time for some people. Just keep going as you are and it will be likely to happen.

  • If his face is not attractive then there is no point

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  • I'd say give it a fair chance

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  • It's not wrong at all.

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  • hmmm I think that

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  • So are you dating him just because your lonely?

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  • You should stay away from this guy so he can find someone that truly appreciates him, and someone that can bond.

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What Girls Said 12

  • I don ' t know what to say, only you know your own tastes. To me, it ' s the kind of guy that I would only settle for in a most desperate situation, and only for him to support me, and, I think after a time, especially if someone I like would come along, I ' d rush at the back door with the speed of light. It ' s just how bland and tasteless and boring a relationship with the kind of guy you mentioned feels for me. You may hope he will man up if you are together. And while it ' s true that any guy grows to some level with the girl they love, I ' m not sure how much, or if he ' ll grow up to become the guy you like ( especially if you try to find your colleague in him, it ' s hard to do ).

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  • I'm a bit confused myself.
    Do you work with guy number 2?
    How did you come to be hanging out with each other?

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    • No we don't work together, we know each other from high school and just recently bumped into each other again. I had a huge crush on him back then but my best friend was also in love with him so I let him go. But I think I'm still attracted to the guy I work with, it's insane I'm actually attracted to both of them equally, geez what a drama!

    • I mean the guy I work with has a girlfriend! I'd be a moron to ditch guy number 2 just because I'm also attracted to someone who's already taken, right?

    • Oh I see. Forget guy 1 as he has a girlfriend and it just has drama written all over it.
      Go with the flow with guy 2 and see how it pans out, I mean if it doesn't go anywhere, then there is nothing lost. Sometimes attraction can grown after spending time with someone but if it doesn't then so be it.

  • It is not wrong. That is how my awesome last relationship started. I had a lot of happy moments with new experiences. I wouldn't change the time i spent wuth him to anything jn the world including 1 b us dolllars. Give him a chanc you may even fall in love with the way he treats you and the more you discover him.

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  • you dont have to be crazy over a guy. its actually good to keep your head clear. just dont spend a whole lot of time with him so he has free time to pursue other women too. you just might grow to love him but i say dont throw him away yet

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  • I honestly have gone through the same thing. this guy was super sweet and good to me and I was only a little attracted to him. Don't give him a shot if you aren't really feeling it, trust me they will get over it lol. If he seems as more of a friend (which is what it sounds like) then let him know before feelings get too deep for him. It sounds like you just enjoy his company!

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  • If you don't really like him then there's no need to string him along and make him think he has a chance.

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  • i wpuld say go for it. u would get a fairly new experience, grow as a person, and who knows maybe he is the kind of person you myt be able to spend life with, and settle with eventually. things go unexpectedly good sometyms..

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  • give it a time. you might develop feelings for him plus he's crazy about you so keep him!

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  • Give him a chance, he might be someone you grow to adore.

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  • Not at all bad!

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  • I've seen this work out for some people and completely fail for others. I'm a prime example. I'm almost 26 and I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year. I was attracted to him, but there were a few things which put me off (height etc). He treated me so well and was so attentive, the sex was great, but then it started to become too much and he's become quite possessive and he's very insecure. I found out half way into the relationship that he suffered with anxiety and depression and I'm really struggling with it. Like you, I gave him a shot because I was quite attracted to him and he was a nice guy and treated me so well, but did I want to rip his clothes off? No. Have I wanted to rip guys clothes off in the past? Yes. Believe me you cannot learn that passion. It's either there or it isn't. And that is something I'm coming to terms with now with my boyfriend and I'm having to make some tough decisions. There need to be 3 basic things to make a relationship work:

    Laughter
    Trust
    Strong physical attraction

    In my opinion the laughter and physical attraction need to be there straight away. You grow to trust someone overtime. I just think relationships shouldn't be mediocre at the start. Unfortunately my last relationships ended due to long distance, but that's just life. Don't do what I'm doing and settle for someone because you "think" it's worth a shot and it "might" work out. Its completely unfair on the other person. Good luck kiddo xx

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    • This is so well said, thank you! I know exactly what you mean. But I want to give it a shot. We've seen each other only few times and I think I can't really judge yet. I need to see if the passion is there or not, who knows maybe I get surprised. :) I'm used to bad boys and I guess that's why I wanted to rip their cloths off from the start, and since he is definitely not a bad boy I guess my hormones are just a bit confused since it's the first time I'm actually being treated like a person. If it doesn't work out well then fuck it, at least I tried. I won't ever settle.

    • Haha oh no! You sound like me! The bad boys are always the ones that give you that flutter! I know how you feel :( sadly they give a lot of other girls flutters as well! They don't have to be an Adonis or the best looking person it depends what you find attractive. I love tall, dark and handsome. My ex was tall... pale, ginger and allergic to the sun! Wasn't even that handsome! Haha! So shows you how powerful it can be! I wasn't that attracted to him at first, I'd say it took me about 4-5 dates actually before I thought hmmm yeah, can see this working. Give it a few more, but if you get to date 6/7 and there's not really much happening for you then call it a day. Need some cheekiness and some heat girl!

    • Haha yeah got it, thanks! :)

  • I felt that way when i first met my husband, but i gave it a try, and fell in love w him after a few dates.

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