I'm losing my mind & running out of options someone please tell me if I should stay with my addicted to weed boyfriend?

First I just want to say if you're going to come at me with "you can't be addicted to weed" then just stop reading now. My boyfriend & I (both 19) have been together for almost 3 years. In the beginning we both smoked together, then I stopped & he continued. He has been smoking since he was 13, his siblings both smoke & he was arrested for it twice as a minor. I didn't really care about him smoking as long as he was safe about it but last August he got arrested for it again, but this time as an adult. He told me he'd stop smoking between the time after being arrested & his court date which he did for about a month. Then his court date just kept getting pushed back. He'd promise things about not having it in the car with him, not doing it where he's not safe, etc. then break them. He promised he'd stop once winter break started, which turned into once winter break ended, which then turned into he'll stop a month before the court date. Then during that month he smoked again. Two weeks before the court date he told me he had stopped but for some reason I didn't believe him. The day before his court date he told me he had been lying to me & that he was still smoking behind my back, I bawled my eyes out but decided to give him one last chance. He had his court date & is on probation & said he's obviously not gonna smoke because he doesn't want to go to jail for violating it. Well not even a week later, he smoked, lied to me about it, then confessed it. So I broke up with him because he knew that was his last chance. He begged & begged for me back, said he will talk to a counselor, etc. so I decided to take him back & support him (after a long conversation) I knew it wouldn't be easy for me but I love him. Well now a few days later he asks me if he can smoke on 4/20 & he's currently at his friend's house where they're smoking, he claims he isn't but how will I know if that's true? I don't want to leave him but I can't trust him:( this is killing me please help


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Man, it's like watching a movie I've already seen happen again. Is this a time machine? I swear I'm looking at my life from 8 years ago. I already know the outcome of this movie. I already know what's going to happen... Except, I feel like I'm powerless to stop it.

    So many of you hopeful people who haven't been burned enough to obtain my level of cynicism are going to disagree with me. But: he's not going to stop. Occasional recreational marijuana use is fine, and I think most people would agree with that. He, on the other hand, has a problem. Getting arrested 3 times hasn't stopped him. He lies to you, and even when he doesn't lie, he tries like hell to find reasons where it's ok.

    This is textbook addict behavior. He's going to continue to do it, and nothing you can do will stop him. The sad part is this, and I say this because I want you to realize your role in it so you can adjust your role accordingly: you're an enabler. You're actually part of the problem now. I don't think you mean to be, and it's an easy mistake to make. You want to believe that he'll change, because you read stories about how someone "never gave up" on that person, and "never let them down". Well, you're not Rick Astley, and these stories you hear about rarely have verifiable proof that they even happened at all. In a weird way, you're an addict too... an addict of false hope. Feels good when you actually think you're making progress, and then the crash comes when you find out it's all a lie. Reality always comes back to bite you.

    Perhaps I'm jaded from my experiences with an addict... please, other people, do chime in with your own experiences with living with an addict if I'm wrong.

    I'm really sorry you have to go through all of this. My official stance is to get away. I think his problems are only going to drain you of any spirit you have, and they're going to impede you from obtaining any semblance of a happy, stable life.

    If after all of this you still wanna stay with him and work to changing him and fixing him... well, I wish you the best of luck either way. Be brave, be strong.

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    • You give such great advice but it's so hard to listen to because I just don't want to leave him... you're definitely right about the enabler part too but I don't know how to stop that..

    • Show All
    • You wanna know what finally woke me up and made me leave? One of my outlets is writing (clearly... I regularly run into the "you've gone over the 1000 char limit" error on this site lol). After about a year in that bad relationship, I decided to sit down, and just chronicle every single thing that happened... and I tried, I mean really tried to include every good thing I could possibly think of. I relived every single moment as I wrote it. Microsoft word told me I'd typed about 37 and a half pages, and I still had 3 more months of events to type out before I'd reached an exhaustion point that required me to stop. You ever held 37 pieces of paper in your hand? It's a lot. I looked at that number and said to myself: I've written 37.5 pages spanning almost a year... and almost all of it is misery. I have not been happy for almost a year... Largely, I don't think I've been happy at all since I've met this person. I can't do this anymore.

    • Wow that's definitely eye opening, I think I should try that but I'm still afraid of the outcome

Most Helpful Girl

  • he's on the road to loserville. you dont want a guy who will bring u down with him.

    19 year old girls who date guys like this tend to be broke bitter single mothers by 29. take this opportunity to run before it happens to you. if you do decide to keep dealing with him please please please have good birthcontrol

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • Don't waste your time waiting for him to quit. Yes, he's addicted. You could be waiting forever. You have a limited number of years in your life. Once you spend them you can't get them back. Don't throw away years of your life waiting on something that may never happen. Move on.

    Whether it's weed or anything else, it's never good to be in a relationship that is conditional on them changing.

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  • Wow, that is really sad. I believe you about being addicted to weed. You need to ask yourself if this relationship is going to do you any good, is it good for you to love someone that is not going to improve you and does not seem to care. I think you are good for him, you love him and want to see the best for him and that means a lot but there comes a point where you just need to walk away. Inside, he probably hates the addiction but feels trapped and like he can't escape so he is not even trying. Maybe he has nothing in his life to fill the void and he feels like this is the best thing. You two need to work together on this, you need to let him know that you are his biggest fan and are there to support him. If he does not respond, then you need to do what is best for yourself and leave. I know somewhere you can go for help, it may seem a little different but there are hundreds of people who have used it and it works. It really does. Send me a message and I can respond with a link cos I am only 1xper.

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  • The bottom line is he places weed above you. It won't change so you have a decision

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  • i wouldn't stay with a girl who does weed, but, that's just me

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What Girls Said 1

  • I think you've asked this before but anyways if he can't stop smoking then leave him. You can't help someone who doesn't want any help. He needs to realize that he has a problem and that he needs help

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    • I have asked most of it before but it got even worse & I don't know what wrong with me I feel like I should leave but I just can't

    • persuade him to get into rehab or something

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