First I just want to say if you're going to come at me with "you can't be addicted to weed" then just stop reading now. My boyfriend & I (both 19) have been together for almost 3 years. In the beginning we both smoked together, then I stopped & he continued. He has been smoking since he was 13, his siblings both smoke & he was arrested for it twice as a minor. I didn't really care about him smoking as long as he was safe about it but last August he got arrested for it again, but this time as an adult. He told me he'd stop smoking between the time after being arrested & his court date which he did for about a month. Then his court date just kept getting pushed back. He'd promise things about not having it in the car with him, not doing it where he's not safe, etc. then break them. He promised he'd stop once winter break started, which turned into once winter break ended, which then turned into he'll stop a month before the court date. Then during that month he smoked again. Two weeks before the court date he told me he had stopped but for some reason I didn't believe him. The day before his court date he told me he had been lying to me & that he was still smoking behind my back, I bawled my eyes out but decided to give him one last chance. He had his court date & is on probation & said he's obviously not gonna smoke because he doesn't want to go to jail for violating it. Well not even a week later, he smoked, lied to me about it, then confessed it. So I broke up with him because he knew that was his last chance. He begged & begged for me back, said he will talk to a counselor, etc. so I decided to take him back & support him (after a long conversation) I knew it wouldn't be easy for me but I love him. Well now a few days later he asks me if he can smoke on 4/20 & he's currently at his friend's house where they're smoking, he claims he isn't but how will I know if that's true? I don't want to leave him but I can't trust him:( this is killing me please help
Most Helpful Guy
Man, it's like watching a movie I've already seen happen again. Is this a time machine? I swear I'm looking at my life from 8 years ago. I already know the outcome of this movie. I already know what's going to happen... Except, I feel like I'm powerless to stop it.
So many of you hopeful people who haven't been burned enough to obtain my level of cynicism are going to disagree with me. But: he's not going to stop. Occasional recreational marijuana use is fine, and I think most people would agree with that. He, on the other hand, has a problem. Getting arrested 3 times hasn't stopped him. He lies to you, and even when he doesn't lie, he tries like hell to find reasons where it's ok.
This is textbook addict behavior. He's going to continue to do it, and nothing you can do will stop him. The sad part is this, and I say this because I want you to realize your role in it so you can adjust your role accordingly: you're an enabler. You're actually part of the problem now. I don't think you mean to be, and it's an easy mistake to make. You want to believe that he'll change, because you read stories about how someone "never gave up" on that person, and "never let them down". Well, you're not Rick Astley, and these stories you hear about rarely have verifiable proof that they even happened at all. In a weird way, you're an addict too... an addict of false hope. Feels good when you actually think you're making progress, and then the crash comes when you find out it's all a lie. Reality always comes back to bite you.
Perhaps I'm jaded from my experiences with an addict... please, other people, do chime in with your own experiences with living with an addict if I'm wrong.
I'm really sorry you have to go through all of this. My official stance is to get away. I think his problems are only going to drain you of any spirit you have, and they're going to impede you from obtaining any semblance of a happy, stable life.
If after all of this you still wanna stay with him and work to changing him and fixing him... well, I wish you the best of luck either way. Be brave, be strong.1
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