Guy I'm dating never seems happy when we go out with friends?

I've been dating this guy for 6 months, he's new to the area and for the most part, I am his means of social entertainment. Lately, I've started bringing him to hangout with my friends, which includes drinking, clubbing and hanging out. He was the one to first mention hanging out with my friends and getting to know them.

He seems to enjoy himself to some degree, but he is rather shy at times. And sometimes his mood just shifts completely, he can be laughing and drinking and smoking and then I just get strange vibes from him. I feel he isn't enjoying himself and he's not comfortable and annoyed.

I mean, he is from South America, and all his friends live there. So, I also understand it might be hard for him to connect and relate, especially because he is a kind of shy person.

Last night we went out to a club with an acquaintance of mine, and he seemed to be enjoying himself, but not completely. We slept over the person's house, and then when we woke up in the morning he had such a bad attitude it put me in a bad mood and makes me feel like I'm not doing enough for him. I feel like I bore him and don't make him happy. I dropped him off in the morning and usually his kisses are passionate, but this one wasn't.

I mean, it's not that my friends don't talk to him. They do. My friends are very kind and sweet people, but he's just shy and sometimes awkward. But, they still enjoy his company. I try and make sure he's having a good time, that he's heard and accounted for.

But it just hurts me.

He doesn't have any friends of his own here. I wish he would make some, but I feel it's difficult for him. How we managed to form a connection, I'm not sure. I mean, he can be socially awkward around me too. Sometimes I feel I cannot connect with him either. He has told me once "I'm just afraid of looking weird or awkward". But that just makes him even more awkward.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Ok, I think he was genuinely interested in meeting your friends, but it sounds like you are overdoing it now and every time you go out, your friends have to be included too. I think he likes your friends and enjoys spending time with them, but not every time. I bet he didn't want to sleep over at your friends house because that left you two with no privacy! That is why he was upset in the morning. He wants to be with you, not you and all your friends. I think you need to cut back on how often you go out with your friends and him.

    • I'm usually not the one to suggest going out with friends. It's typically him who is the one to say "oh let's see what so and so is doing". I offered him several options about what I wanted to do last night. He agreed to, and I also gave him the option of wanting to sleep over or not lol. I let him ask to hangout with other people, because I can see them whenever I want. I don't Include them EVERY TIME we see each other. Most of the times, it's just me and him. And lol, we did have privacy, my friend let us have her room to sleep in.

      But, yeah I don't ever force him to hangout with my friends. I let him make that decision, I typically don't mind what we do.

    • Ok, maybe he is fine with a couple of hours, and it is going on too long. Maybe he wants more friends, but once he gets to know them, he finds them annoying.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Maybe he doesn't always feel like hanging out with other people, but he does it for the sake of you.

    • I don't force him too, and I let him choose what we do. I just brought up to him my friend wanted to go to the club, but I also brought up just going to the movies/dinner with him.

      He's the one that seemed more down for the club than me lol

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What Guys Said 3

  • Maybe you try doing some things that he likes. Or it could be that he's homesick. Going somewhere completely different & new, different atmosphere, different people; maybe he hasn't fully taken it in fully. Since he is from South America, why not try doing things that remind him of South America. Mix some stuff up

    • I mean, we ususally do whatever he wants to do. Whenever we hangout with friends, it's typically him suggesting it. Or if we go to a club, he's been asking to go to one. He says he's up for anything, and he does seem to enjoy himself but the vibes he gives off sometimes upset me because I feel I'm not doing enough.

      Also, mainly all my friends are girls, so I can't find him a guy to relate to. I don't hangout with my guy friends that often and I wouldn't bring him around them because some have tried to cross the friendship boundary.

      I try to encourage him to meet friends at school. But I cannot force him. But, it makes me upset. This is basically my world he's in. So I understand the homesickness and it must be hard for him. But, he used to live in florida and had many, many friends there from going to school there. So, I know he can be outgoing and comfortable. I just can't help feel I'm not doing enough.

      And you're right. Perhaps I can find some Spanish clubs lol.

    • I think if he could get a guy friend or two, his attitude might change for the better. It sounds like he tries to have fun but is uncomfortable at the same time cause all your friends are females. So it could be hard for him at times to enjoy himself if there isn't a guy friend for him to talk to or hang with while you're with your friends. But I do agree with you; he should make friends

  • If he is this way because of one night. Then maybe he didn't sleep well or is not used to being in someone else's house/bed.

    • He has been this way more than once. A few months back we had to stay over a friend's house he just met (this friend was less friendly towards him). But the whole night his mood was strange, and when we woke up in the morning it was worse.

      Perhaps this is how he gets during a hangover/when his buzz is gone; his mood drops drastically. I understand that, my mood is also deflated the next day after drinking.

    • Show All
    • I mean, there are times when he is in a weird mood, even when he isn't drinking.

      But, perhaps it was just a hangover. He texted me a few hours after dropping him off, and he seemed to be in a relatively good mood.

      Perhaps it's the alcohol that can alter his mood. Or being in new situations and wanting to be able to connect more. Perhaps it has nothing to do with me in particular. I mean, when I dropped him off he told me "thanks so much for the night. I had fun." and usually he'll tell me up front if he didn't.

    • Sounds like the drinking is an issue. Maybe he is a "mean drunk", or flip flops?

  • I think he wanted to get to know your friends, out of his interest in you. However, hanging out with them probably gives him anxiety.

    (coming from someone with social anxiety)


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