Did I send this guy a wrong signal?

So finally the day had come. My FB of three months decided to take me out on an actual date after I had "I wanna get to know you, and get serious" talk because we have a lot in common and seems like he was catching feelings as he started violating FB boundaries, and I like him too, as he is a nice person. After the talk, he seemed freaked out so I told him if he calls me, and plans a date, it's good. If not, good luck and he shouldn't stress out at all as I am not asking him to marry me. So after 4 days of silence, he said he decided to take me out on an actual date. We walked by the sea, went to a museum, grabbed some tea and sat by the harbor watching boats, birds, listening to music and stuff, we continued sharing some details about ourselves etc.

Then we had late lunch at a nice restaurant, where he asked for the check when I went to wash my hands, and one check came. So I grabbed my purse to get my card out, he said I don't have to pay, he will be paying as we are on a date, but I said "Don't worry, we both are adults earning money. You don't have to pay for me." So we agreed to split the bill. I did not want him to pay for me, when I got something more expensive than he got, and on top, I drank wine.

So now my best friend says that I sent him a wrong signal by not letting him pay, it means I did not really enjoy the time we spent. I know this question has been asked many times about dates etc. but did I really do something bad by not letting him pay? What would you think if this happened to you?

Updates:
So he texted me and asked for a second date on Saturday, told me that he wants to take me out and if I am interested. I was busy at work and answered about 1 hour late and said, "Sure, what'd you like to do? What's on your mind?" And it has been 5 hours he hasn't answered... is there a reason that he is waiting this long to reply back to a text? I know that today is his off-day so he is not busy at work either...

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Baby steps. You are maintaining your distance.. and like this girl told me yesterday.."not trying to owe anyone"...
    were you trying to send a signal? is the question we should be asking here.
    I like it, you are treading carefully...(and ur friend is a moron)...
    its hard to graduate from FB to dating... its usually because of lust not love and you are being cautious...
    Free your mind girl... you did good.
    (dont forget, this happened AFTER days of silence, spoken from a guy, this was a Hail Mary.)
    and you didn't fall for it... your friend is a moron... :)

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    • Oh well thanks. We had dates before actually (that's how the FB boundaries were violated) but we always paid for ourselves and never offered. Now today it made me feel awkward as he said he will be paying. He makes triple the money I do (I know from the place he works at and thanks to Glassdoor), but I still see no reason why he should pay for something he did not eat. This was the first time we did not end up having sex. Things are so weird, so I was wondering if everything is okay, LOL :D

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    • Don't blame your period..
      you said he is a fuck buddy... what are you looking for a suitor for?
      just get the dick girl... and leave it at that.

Most Helpful Girl

  • no i dont think you did the wrong thing. if anything you was being really sweet and understanding about wanting to go half as you said you're both earing. IF ANHTHING i think he will know you're not just wanting to grab and spend his money. if i were you i would tell him "thank you for the date, i had a great time" this clarifies you did see it as a date and you had an amazing time to put his thoughts at rest if he has any 🙂 hope i helped xo

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What Guys Said 7

  • My grandmother taught me to pay for the date and I've had women whom have offered to pay their half. We as a progressing society have to understand that we are... progressing and that times are changing it should be okay for women and men to split the bill (if they so choose) I think it can be pretty strong to find independent women whom like to do this. But it can also be a bit of a guys ego thing (they save money if you split the bill whats wrong with that XD) just tell him you had a good time and enjoyed it a lot but you like to be a independent woman and the fact that you split the bill has no hidden meaning. You just want to feel independent simple as that.

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    • He may of passed and is sleeping I just ended up taking an involuntary nap, maybe he did the same.

  • I don't think there's anything wrong with trying to pay. I wouldn't get the wrong message I would just want to pay for her.

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  • Even though I agree with splitting the bill, I can see from your unique situation how you could have sent him the wrong signal. Perhaps you could initiate the second date just in case to remove any doubt.

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    • That's what my friend told me. :'(

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    • You are trying to go from friends with benefits to a relationship so that's why I said remove any doubt and plan the second date. In our culture, splitting the bill is a "friends" thing, and the man paying for it has been a "dating" thing.

    • Oh okay good to know. Then the second is on me for sure.

  • I think splitting the bill does not give the wrong signal. As a guy I will offer to pay though.

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    • What would you think if the girl would not take the offer like me? I think I am seriously too manly as all my friends say. LOL

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    • he might just be away from the phone.

    • I got it if he is not the one who initiated.. But still. It's like leaving me up there, and I can't plan anything else for Saturday yet, because I wanna hang out with him lol. Then he would be like oh nevermind i have something to do on Saturday and i will be doing nothing at home. :D

  • why I never find girl like this

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  • The one who asks for the date pays.

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  • No you did not send the wrong signal. Your friend is wrong. Stop listening to her.

    Ask him out on a second date and pay for everything if you're so worried about it. :)

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    • Oh I am broke this month after getting some flight tickets to Brazil. I won't be paying for any shit for him. Lol but I will ask him out. :)

    • lol that is completely fine. I just said pay for everything since you seem to be concerned splitting the bill sends the wrong signal. But it really does not. Just tell him beforehand that you're splitting the bill so he knows he needs to bring money (and it's not an invitation).

      What are/were you doing in Brazil?

    • anonymos is right 100%

What Girls Said 1

  • I don't think you sent any mixed signals. Sounds fine to me?

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