Why would a guy in his late 30s not want his own place?

So a guy I know is currently living with his older brother. His brother has a wife and kids who also live there. Guy in question has kids of his own that don't currently live with him but would like too but can't because he doesn't have a house. This guy doesn't work but gets a government assistant payment and can also claim rent assistance so it's not a money issue. He says he hates burdening people with his problems and has been independent since he was a teenager but for the last 2 years he hasn't even bothered to look for his own place even tho he said him and his brother don't really get along so just curious to know why he would rather live with his brother and he's wife&kids instead of finding his own place to build a life of his own?

  • Don't know what to think
    67%(6)67%(8)Vote67%(2)
  • Don't know what to think either
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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's possible that he wants to but doesn't have he means. Getting rental assistance may allow him to get a place but it doesn't mean he could afford electric, cable, food, water, internet, etc. It's also possible that he likes the stability and company that comes from his current situation. Not necessarily his brother but the environment in general.

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    • Yeah I agree. Thank you for your opinion

Most Helpful Girl

  • i can't really relate in this situation, but in my opinion there's probably a combination of factors as to why he doesnt/isnt finding his own house.

    he probably does want his own place, but:
    a) where he is now is an easier situation to live with that trying to find somewhere new,
    b) is safe for him - to get his own place would be a risk which may ultimately fail, and the idea of failure probably scares him. he's might be saving up for a while to get more financially secure before trying?
    c) should he fail, pride would probably prevent him from getting help from his brother again which would land him in an even worse situation.

    if you're close with him you should find a way to ask, and if appropriate, help him to find a place for himself :)

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What Guys Said 13

  • Not a good situation. Not in a position to take care of himself or kids less date someone just an FYI

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  • Because he's not at the point where he can take care of himself. Sounds like he has a mental disability of some kind, especially if he doesn't get along with his bro. Some people don't prioritize independence for themselves, the Supreme "you only live once mentality" can cause developmental setbacks

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  • I wondered what his wife going to say about his brother in law wanting to live with them there?

    I think that he needs counseling to learn to live independence and use his own gov't assistance... Why not? He needs to move elsewhere before he causes rift with his brother and they have a right like privacy. Or talk to the landlord to have him to leave. Its sad.

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  • Maybe he don't want to be independent out on his own. It take a lot to be responsible on your own so maybe he's more in a comfort zone financially being there.

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    • He is paying just as much to his brother as he would be to a landlord if had his own place. But yeah I think it could be a comfort and or lazy thing in some weird way 😏

    • Yea it's sound that way. Anytime a grown man don't want to be out on his own there have to be something he's afraid about being out on his own.

    • Yeah I agree

  • " This guy doesn't work but gets a government assistant payment and can also claim rent assistance so it's not a money issue. "

    government assistance? That usually doesn't pay much.. at least not in the USA. It sounds like he wants a life with the least amount of hassles/responsibility at the lowest possible cost... because that's what you really get for living with others.

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  • Lazy fool

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  • He is probably ashamed of being in this situation - having to live with family but can't look after his own, and too proud to claim all of the government assistance due to him.

    Trust me, I've been at low ebbs like that too and it takes a lot to swallow your pride and accept outside assistance.

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    • But wouldn't him being ashamed be all the more reason for him to actually try and get his own place? Given the fact that he is already receiving government assistance

    • On the contrary, it would push him deeper in and eventually he'd make peace with the rut he found himself in and then it would be all the more difficult to pull himself out of it. Think of it like depression: he figures he deserves nothing more than this.

  • How is he independent if he gets a government assistant payment? And he and his brother don't get along? I have a feeling he's his own problem in his life. I don't understand it, either.

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    • He was independent for most of his life. He has worked and rented his own place and raised kids on his own. But now it just seems he is just being lazy

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    • He isn't really freeloading he does pay his way and yes he does help to babysit even tho the kids are old enough to feed and dress themselves but I think he's just "sucking it up" because he can't be bothered to look for his own place

    • Very interesting.

  • Confort zone. Laziness. Lack of ambitions.

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  • He is a moocher.

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  • Lazy? Saving money?

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  • seems, he's into easy way to get homes

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  • Money. It's a lot more work taking care of yourself.

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What Girls Said 3

  • My guess would be he trying to get back on his feet even if it means living with the brother he doesn't get along with. He's probably trying to straighten things out for himself so he can find a place for him and his kids. Sometimes you have to do what you gotta do to make you situation better.

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  • What's with that poll? I know what to think.
    He's lazy.

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  • So he's disabled and missing his kids and feels generally like a total failure. HE'S DEPRESSED.

    I don't know where you get the idea he can maintain his own place on government assistance. I'd be glad he was saving money.

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    • He is NOT disabled. We have government assistance here in Australia

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    • They're in their late teens but the mother has always been a selfish bitch

    • Aw yeah that sucks

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