Can anyone relate to being treated like the other woman (or man) when you don't want to be?

I just got a text from a bartender who was flirting with me on Saturday night. I really liked him so I took a chance and gave him my number on the back of the receipt. I've been alone for 4 years since my divorce & I go through phases where I try to reach out and connect with guys, then I pull back and don't do anything. At the moment I'm in my "reaching out" phase. (G@G inspired me!)

He texted me this morning to let me know that he's married but he enjoyed meeting me, thinks I'm very attractive, etc. and hopes that I'll come back. I apologized for staying past closing as I had no idea of the time. I said "you should have just told me" but he said that he "enjoyed the attention" and "was probably trying to keep me there as long as he could."

I thanked him but said I am very respectful of marriage and I want him to "delete my number and go kiss his lovely wife."

He replied, "Do I have to? Just kidding. I hope you'll come back. I only work on Saturday nights."

Similarly, the cute flirty guy at the other bar I go to, told me yesterday he's married and then gave me his number! I could totally have a fling if he was single... but JUST NO.

This has happened a few times before, too. It's such a blow. I try to be fun and friendly, but I don't think I'm a "man-stealer." Why am I the "other" woman?

Or is it just that all the guys my age are taken?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Not all guys your age are taken, its natural to come across a married men. Why do you pull back? Its good that you don't steal men, shows you're a good person.

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    • After a while I get tired of rejection and just prefer to stay home with a book or movie. I also realize how much I'm spending and go, "Whoa! Time to lay off."

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    • Do women try to get in guys pants? I thought that was a guy thing. Lol.

      It's so expensive here.. I had one martini and a flatbread appetizer (the cheapest thing on the menu) and it was $26!

    • XD yes women are no different (but guys are worse) have a friend that wants to lose her Virginity to her friend but doesn't want a relationship. She has her reasons.

      Holy shit that is expensive... Water and bread wow

Most Helpful Girl

  • At least they told you before you were in full fling! Wow. That's rotten luck though. I've had the same problem. Got done with my "bad boy" phase and now I want a decent guy but they all turn out to be taken already. I know exactly the "why me" standpoint you're coming from. For me, I finally just chose to accept that I'm not the kind of girl whose dreams come true. Never been married. Never had a child. Home and family are all I've ever wanted and they are, dually, the only things I cannot seem to attain.

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    • Sadly, I had the marriage and a child and it was all warped and dysfunctional. So many times I've wished for a do-over.

      Yeah, I feel like only a few people really get to be loved and happy. It's kind of a crap shoot, but no matter how many times I say "I give up" there's a part of me that still wants to keep trying.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • I m not married yet so I cannot exactly relate to what u r saying but I really appreciate that you have a clean heart and don't wanna hurt anyone. I think you should hit on the ones who could take things forward so if u have a criteria then maybe you can try to find out who out of the potential candidates fulfil ur criteria and then set things in motion.

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    • There aren't many "candidates." Everyone's taken. I know ZERO single guys in my circle of friends... who are mostly other moms anyway... and their husbands. Sigh.

    • Thanks for the compliment on wanting to do the right thing. I appreciate that.

  • people like to flirt and I'd say a lot of guys your age are taken

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What Girls Said 1

  • At least the show their character and it's not a page turner. It's low for men and or women to behave like that.

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