He doesn't want to date me because I'm black?

Last year I met this guy online that I really hit it off with. We met on a gaming website so of course we didn't originally know what each other looked like. We voice chatted quite a few times but I've always been told that I "sound" like a white chick. I never really thought to get the point across to him that I was black because, why should I? I've been in interracial relationships before and I don't think it matters the color of someone skin to consider them a person that you would date.

Anyway, skip ahead to almost a month to when we finally exchange pictures. I was really nervous because I wasn't sure what he was going to look like or if he was going to like what I looked like. It never crossed my mind to be afraid that he would hold issue with my race. After he sent me his picture, I thought okay. He isn't bad looking but then I sent my picture and... silence. He stayed that way for a little while and then he said he had to go and ended the voice call. For a few days we didn't talk until I messaged him and asked if he wanted to Skype. He said he would love to but not right now because he was playing a game. After he finished his game, we never voice chatted. The following days he made excuse after excuse as to not to talk to me.

For the sake of not making this too long, a few months past, we ended up talking again and I traveled to his state to meet him. We had a good time, he even told me multiple times that he was glad that I came out (I swear he even tried to kiss me) but he never asked me to be his girlfriend and when I went back home, he still didn't ask me but he's constantly talking about how he wants to get into a relationship and every time I bring us up, he dismisses it. He's told me I was a great girl and that I was girlfriend material, but still he won't date me. He's never said it was due to my race, but has hinted at it several times but the dude isn't racist so I don't know.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • People have insecurity about all sorts of stuff. This being one unfortunately. He may not be racist but maybe would have peer pressure from family or friends who don't see this the same way. That would be unfortunate for him but that is his deal not yours.

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    • He has said things like that. About his family and how they might not approve, which is bull because his mother his very loving towards everyone and when I visited him, she was very welcoming to me and even jokingly called me his girlfriend. I'm not too sure about his father though, but even if that's the case, he's a grown man. It shouldn't matter to him how peers will view us.

    • I totally agree with you. He may never be secure within himself for something like this and you just need to be aware of that. Pressure over the years can build up.. it's up to him to not put so much emphasis on what they or anyone else thinks and just be happy! Good luck to you !

Most Helpful Girl

  • If you have your suspicions, they must be valid to some extent. Stop talking to him if he doesn't want to date you. There are too many fish in the sea for you to worry about him.

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What Guys Said 9

  • Who said racial preference (or skin preference) is racist?

    Actually it can be... and this is a perfectly example. It doesn't get more textbook than this situation you just experienced. You are clearly being turned down for a reason and obviously it's your appearance. Now whether that is because you have dark skin OR something else... we may ever know... BUT I'm sure you have a good idea because you can probably feel it

    Would you be ok with answering a few questions for me please...
    --> how do you feel if you knew for sure he rejected you because you have dark skin?
    --> And how would you feel if you knew for sure that he rejected you because you are too short or too tall?

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    • I know having a racial preference isn't racist, which is why I didn't say he was racist. If I were to find out for sure he wouldn't date me for my skin color, it would hurt because I can't help what race or color I was born as.

      If he rejected me for my height I would think it's completely mediocre because who rejects someone based off their height.

      Either way, they're both based off of something that I can't fix. At what point can you keep using racial preference as something to hide behind? This dude told me he liked me... a lot. I was the greatest female in the world in his eyes and then he finds out I'm black, then he doesn't want to date me. But then again, I don't know because like I said, he did try to kiss me when I visited him and he still stays in very good contact with me. We always talk to each other as if we're dating, but he never agrees to ACTUALLY dating.

      It's confusing and hurts somewhat. :/

  • why do you consider that he would be loving you? You met on a gaming site not on a dating site.
    He dismiss the thought of being in a relationship. Maybe he had a bad experience with that in the past! Ask him straight away. He maybe in need of some support, but in a different manner than you are trying?

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    • We talked about dating before. That's why. When we first met we both told each other that we really liked one another.

    • That's good actually. Love knows no race/religion etc. Don't let your admiration for him to fade away because of some random thoughts you get. Give in a bit more time and care, whatever happens will happen for good.

  • Too bad you wasted a trip to go see a guy that is never going to be with you and rather string you along than tell you the truth. Just keep the relationship game level and if you think you can't do that just move on from him.

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  • that's messed up. I'm with you skin tone doesn't mean a thing

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  • you better offf without him

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  • Probably just isn't into dark skin. Oh well.

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  • That's messed up but the world is a messed up place anyway.

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  • Maybe he's just not into dark skin.

    Maybe he thinks his dick is too small for you.

    Maybe he just doesn't find you attractive for other reasons like features or weight or whatever.

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    • I'm a skinny girl. My entire life I have been told I was very pretty. Never had any issues with males of any ethnicity. With this guy it's just... different. He hasn't actually told me it was my skin color, but he has said things like he's okay with interracial dating, but it's just isn't for him. But he treats me like a girlfriend, he just won't make it official.

    • Yeah I don't know. Skinny black girls are gorgeous in my eyes.

  • sucks to be you. suck it up and move on! i have been testing people online, and I'm pretty sure you'll find someone out there. Seems like guys are more likely to respond than girls so why not try tinder or okcupid and reach out? you'll get a response, I promise.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Some people just aren't attracted to some people. It doesn't have anything to do with if you're pretty or not, some people just aren't attracted to other races. This doesn't make them racist, its just who their mind chooses to release hormones over. Just find someone else, PLENTY of fish in the sea babe!

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  • Wow he just wasted SO much of your time, don't fuck with people who do shit like that 2k17.

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