Discussing important matters on the phone? huh?

Need some advice...
Im dating this guy for 3 months and in the past month he's been acting aloof. He lost his job recently and says is working on getting himself on his feet. A week ago he blew me off for Valentines day due to working with a client and said he was giving me his word that he'd make it up to me on that Friday. Well, I was so upset that day that I wasn't very nice to him hearing the news. This is the only time we've had an argument.
Well, then he never called to follow up on his promise and was no contact the whole week. Now, a week later we're in touch and I find out he's in NYC (far away from where we live) and he will talk to me on the phone on Saturday when he returns. [Side note: On a previous message (earlier in the day today) he told me he'll be back Friday and now almost 6 hours later is telling me he wants to call me on Saturday.]

My question is.. do you talk about important things on the phone? I'm wondering why he's taking this route instead of meeting in person. I'd like to clear the air with us and see if the relationship can be saved but this approach makes me think he doesn't want to. Am I wrong to think this way?

by the way, he's early 40 years old and im early 30s.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Here are my thoughts. I don't think you talk about important things like this on the phone--words are one thing but face-to-face inflections, body language, etc. are altogether different and very important.

    Looking at the other details you provided, I would offer a few more thoughts.

    1) He doesn't do what he says he'll do
    2) He's unpredictable in terms of where he is and when he'll reach out to you

    These are things that, if I were you, would give me pause about wanting to save the relationship. In this case, it shouldn't just be about whether he wants to save it, it should also be about whether you want to save it and if you do, why? What is he showing you that makes you think this is worth saving?

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    • The reason why I wanted to save it was because we have very good chemistry together and he makes me laugh and happy. He share the same goals and are both ambitious.
      However, I know he's going through a lot. He recently lost his job, he had a lump in his throat that he took care of, his father was really ill during the holidays. In my mind, I thought this is all too much and maybe i need to give him a break.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I would be upset too if a guy was blowing me off. However, if this is the only fight you two have had, then I would try talking to him in person on Saturday if he is able to meet up.

    It's possible he will be back in town on Friday, but perhaps he's arriving late. Or maybe he's meeting with someone else and had to change the time?

    It does seem a bit inconsistent. But it's also possible he could have just had something come up.

    When given the choice to discuss something over the phone or in person, I will usually prefer in person. That way you can read their facial expressions and body language. Clearing the air should be done in person. Because then you can look at the feed back his body cues are giving you.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • I disagree with Assley, I think that's an overreaction. it was your first argument and it was only about meeting up one day. If its the case that he gets in on Friday and doesn't want to talk until Saturday I imagine its just that he's worried it will be another argument and he doesn't want to start fighting with you when he's tired and jetlagged. I think you should just hear him out and give him a chance to talk about it first

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    • Interesting perspective. Do you think he may be thinking im going to break up with him or smth?
      I just wish I had the ability to read men's mind. lol

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    • You made me laugh with your last sentence. You're awesome! :D

    • haha thanks, I'm glad you liked it :) good luck on Saturday!

  • NSA computers will be listening in , of course.

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    • So, you can't give me a real answer? C'mon!

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    • Of course, i get that. You can answer from your experience i guess and the info I gave you.
      If not, then ciao.

    • Sorry , no idea.

What Girls Said 1

  • I don't think he has anything to say to you. He's blowing you off and trying to end the relationship. Just don't talk to him any longer my guess is he will not try to talk to you any longer. Sorry. To answer your question yes you talk about important things on the phone... but what is happening in this suitiation is is using it as an excuse to not talk to you and hope you forget by Saturday. He's not into you.

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