How can we be more than friends?

I recently (2 1/2months) met a guy through a friend of my roommate. He's very funny and kind, an all around great guy. Due to some factors out of his control he's recently become without a place to live and is crashing on my couch. This has resulted in me getting to see the less desirable aspects of him as much as the good parts and complicated the dynamic and further blurred the lines of what we are and where we stand in respect to each other. This doesn't change the fact that I really enjoy him in my life and I'd like to see if there's more to us than friends but I don't know where I stand with him. Sometimes he treats me like a sister and other times he gets very affectionate and treats me like a girlfriend. I'm confused, we had one drunk kiss on New Years and nothing definitive since. Just a lot of ambiguous behaviour open to interpretation. What does this mean? Does he even know where he stands? How do I find out without making things awkward or leaving him in the lurch without a place to stay or people to help support him through this tough time in his life? Due to a somewhat traumatic past for me and his current situation I am a bit hesitant to put myself out there and risk getting hurt, and I don't want to complicate what is already a complex situation for him. I don't want to lose him from my life altogether. What do I do?


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What Guys Said 1

  • So unfortunately, my question is this -- why do you even want this guy? This is a guy who you've known only for 2+ months, yet he's found a way to mooch off you for a place to live. This guy sounds like a loser. I mean, doesn't he have friends (i. e. people he didn't meet just two months ago) who could have helped him out?

    I don't think you should be thinking at all about becoming "more than friends" with this guy and I worry more that it's going to get to the point where he's going to be a huge financial burden and you won't have a way to rid yourself of him. My advice is this -- first make sure that there's an exit plan in place on when he'll move out and get his own place. Once he has his own place, THEN maybe consider getting with him although I have a hard time recommending even that.

    • Perhaps I should clarify a little bit. I can understand that he sounds like he's mooching off of us, and that that is problematic. However since he came to stay with us he has lined up a better paying full time job than what he had and is actively looking for a place to live (the market in my town is atrocious making it near impossible for anyone to find a place to live but he's making it basically a full time job). He contributes as much as he can, from buying groceries to repairing broken chairs to helping organize the garage and besides sleeping on our couch he is no burden, he's not putting a financial strain on me at all. In terms of other support systems the issue is that he is not from here and has not been living here very much longer than the time he's known us so he doesn't have many friends here thus why he is staying with us. The place he had been living had drug dealers and party animals who were stealing from him so thats why he's effectively homeless and crashing with us

What Girls Said 1

  • Just ask. But be ready for it to go either way and be ok with it going either way and not fucking up the friendhip


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