Following up my earlier question : https://www.girlsaskguys.com/dating/q2297085-did-i-send-this-guy-a-wrong-signal
We had two more dates. They were all fine. In total 3 dates. First 2 didn't involve sex at all, weirdly. And third one ended up in my place cuddling, watching movies, talking, and then sex, then he asked my permission to stay over. But I have been feeling that he is treating me like a convenience, not that something he wants to date.
I was randomly scrolling around on my match. com the other day before I delete my profile, and I found his profile, where he has been online in the last 24 h. And I assume he has been online regularly, because couple hours ago, I saw him online on OKCupid as well, as I was gonna delete my account "again". PS: We met on Bumble.
I thought we are getting somewhere, but his online presence in these dating websites, and his search criteria (which is 21-24 yo, unlike I am 28 and he is too) does not define me at all. And seems like my feelings about him treating me as convenience are true.
So I accepted a second date with someone just now, and would like to give him a try, as he seems a nice guy from the first date (the date was before I had serious talk with my FWB). However, I like to be honest because I really like him, but his online presence is a red flag for me, seems like he is leading me on, and playing with me. So I like to tell him that I started dating someone else to see his reaction as well.
Do you think this is a good idea? Any suggestions on how to proceed? What to do? Should I simply just cut him? Or should I let him know that I am dating others if he continues treating me like a secondary choice? How should I approach and talk about these with him?
Most Helpful Guy
From a relationship coaches perspective, this is a needs and wants discussion. What I didn't hear you say in your description above is whether or not you and he ever talked about you two seeing each other exclusively. Did you? And if you had and he said he wasn't interested in a relationship with you, would you have continued dating him? Simply put, how was he to know that you were looking for something with only him and is that what you want (negotiable) or something you need (nonnegotiable)?
Honestly, I like the idea of you telling him you're seeing other people but not for the reason of seeing how he reacts. That's a little bit of gamesmanship. If you tell him and he's fine, how would that make you feel, and why?