Emotional detached fiancé please help?

Me and my fiancé have been engaged a couple of months now. And dated almost a year before she actually brought up getting married. Naturally I said yes because I truly love this woman

i am 23 and she just turned 24

i work offshore so for two weeks at a time, I'm not home. All I ask of her is to talk in the mornings and and night time.
She tells me that if she stays home she gets bored so she goes out with her close friends to get away and not think about me not being at home and her being lonely.

Here re recently I get irritated because whenever I do try and call her she always has something planned. And whenever I ask her to st least inform me of her plans, she says she doesn't think to let me know st that moment and that the plans are last minute ( I've witnessed it myself when I am home)

she says she is beginning to feel emotionally detached because of our recent daily arguments. And it's mostly about not talking to me while I am home

things have been rough recently. Between finances, bills, and moving into a new apartment we have hardly had any time to ourselves. She says she needs space to recollect and center herself.

Any auggestions? Should I stop "pursuing" for a conversation and not be so demanding even though I feel she isn't willing to compromise with me?


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What Girls Said 1

  • Am I getting this right, you have only been together for just over a year total?

    Have you always been traveling for work or was there a time where both of you lived and worked in the same area?

    Honestly long distance relationships are rough. For them to work long term, usually the two people have to have a serious relationship established in person before adding distance into the equation.

    Personally I would find talking twice a day, everyday, on the phone stressful. You run out of things to say and get annoyed at each other easily. Maybe text good morning, good night, and when funny or interesting things happen.
    Save talking or Skype for every couple days or just the weekends. Better quality over quantity.

    • In my own experience when you have to travel a lot and are stuck in hotels or hostels it can get very lonely. Is there any possibility you are trying to cope with minor depression by relying on her and your phone calls?
      If so (even unconsciously) she might be feeling that you want more than she can give. She can distract you for a bit, but she can't change your mood or experience. She likely wouldn't even be aware either. You reach out and she pulls away, you feel her pulling away and pull more.

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    • Check out the term codependency, where a couple rely on each other for internal regulation rather than keeping their own internal balance.

      Also google the five love languages. I recommend it to everyone. It can help you understand how you communicate love to important people in your life.

    • When I'm at work I feel emotionally bonded to her. That's where I would guess the frequent talking comes into play. Communication the past couple days has been short. I still try to openly communicate some of my insecurities with things i see or hear of. And it's almost like she doesn't want to help me overcome my insecurities and "comfort" me

      Me being a Taurus and her a Aquarius. She likes her freedom. And I like reassurance.

      Whenever I ask about a certain guy friend I have an insecurity about she tells me nothing is to worry about. But once again, I'm at work for a couple more days. I ask. She gets aggravated because I do. But she tells me the same thing every time. "There's literally nothing going on"
      And I even told her tonight that I've been replaced. Very easily and very fast and that was the feeling I was having at that moment whenever I was trying to talk to her about it. She's being persistent about "I'm not obligated to talk to you about this because this is a breakup"

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