I started dating this amazing guy a few months back. He's 22 and I'm 20, and we go to the same university. Everything about our relationship is fire. Attraction is off the charts, meaningful and deep conversations, we are very similar personality-wise, we both have diverse interests and challenge each other intellectually, and the sex is amazing. He's very open-minded, and has a great heart (which I've seen in how he treats his little sister). I can genuinely say I'm falling hard and falling fast for this guy.
We're now exclusive, but here's the problem: I'm mixed race (half Jamaican, half Scottish and French), and he's Caucasian (born in Ukraine, and moved to Canada in elementary school). He recently told me in conversation that his mother (who lived in Ukraine most of her life and still holds extremely traditional views) sometimes makes racist comments. some of the examples he gave me were: "They really shouldn't let black people work in the hospital." "Why are there so many Pakis in this town?" and talking to my boyfriend, "You should really go to Ukraine and find a nice white girl to cook and clean for you."
Is this relationship doomed to fail? It seems almost inevitable that his mother won't like me, and I already feel resentment toward her for saying those types of things out loud to her kids. Family's quite important to me, and although I don't want to judge my boyfriend by the views of his mother, it's alarming to me that one of the most important people in his life would be prejudiced against half my heritage.
Most Helpful Guy
I dated a mixed race girl and my family is racist. she knew that's not the kind of person I am and we would just ignore the random racist comments and focus on each other1
Most Helpful Girl
This is not the first time he's heard his mother's views but he's still chosen to date you. It seems like he is wanting to do what is best for his life and not what his mother wants.
Look at what she said: "You should really go to Ukraine and find a nice white girl to cook and clean for you." - she is wanting him to seek out a traditional girl as she sees it.
If this is something you both want, ride it out in the face of criticism and if she doesn't like you, then don't make an effort with her. There is only so much you can do to meet someone halfway.
Also, ask him what you should do about it. I mean why does he tell you these things? He's being honest about the pressures he faces at home but also clueing you in to what you face. Its quite confident of him really.1