Best way to deal with having feelings for a married friend?

The person is a close friend. Would telling them about your feelings & see where it heads be a better option or walking away and cutting off contact?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't think you need to walk away and cut off contact forever. You may need to cut off contact for a period of time in order to put things into perspective but not forever. You said this person is a close friend.

    I'm in the same boat you are. I have a friend who I have feelings for and she also has feelings for me. I'm single. I used to work with her. Our relationship has been and will be for however long she is married strictly plutonic. If she becomes single and I'm single that's a different story. I don't think it's likely to happen. She is basically the female version of me. We're so alike it's rediculious.

    One day last year we were talking. I got divorced in 2015. I mentioned I was ready to start dating again and voiced my concerns about even being able to find decent girl. I asked her if any of her sisters (never met them) were like her and if they're single jokingly. This wasn't a vield attempt to make a pass on my friend, I just ment if they share her same personality, attitudes and outlooks. That opened Pandora's box and a conversation which I never expected to have.

    Next thing I know she admits to me she found me very attractive when I first met her. I was stunned. I carry myself and behave confidently, but I don't in all honesty think I'm very attractive. We never flirt, we don't make eyes at each other, we don't even hug each other. I never even thought of her like that. I just thought of her as one of the guys. I'm also very good at picking up when girls are interested in my and I saw none of that.

    That led to a series of long conversations over time in which I realized she is exactly the kind of girl, no the exact person I want to be with, and at the end of those long conversations over a long period of time we both admitted we had feelings for each other.

    Here's what we're doing about it and I suggest you do likewise. We're doing nothing about it and don't have conversations of that nature anymore. We both discussed this part at length and both had the same opinion on the situation. That she's married. That I'm not willing to interfere in someone else's marriage. That I'm not willing to break up a family. That if I cared about her and I know this would not ultimately be in her and her children's best interest how could I? That it would be selfish and in fact wrong of us to take things any further than the open and honest conversations we had. She isn't willing to cheat or compromise her vows. I'm not willing for her to.

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    • Although she's pretty much had it with her husband and no they don't fight like cats and dogs, she knows this would not be good for her children. She also knows I could never trust someone who cheated on their spouse of boyfriend to be with me. Since we discussed all we had to we both agreed we weren't going to have conversations of that nature or flirt or anything like that and if we couldn't keep it strictly plutonic and act approperiately we would have to cut ties.

      That was last year and we have carried on as strictly plutonic friends since and have acted right.

      I sgggesr you do the same exact thing for the same exact reasons.

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    • @BoredAllTheTime You seem to know a lot about faggots, faggotry and beta males. It's ok though. Lots of people like to project their shortcomings on others because they can't handle the ugly truth about themselves. Takes one to know one as the saying goes.

    • Thanks for the MHO.

Most Helpful Girl

  • You need to respect their marriage and walk away until you can practice enough self discipline to keep your hands off of that which doesn't belong to you!!! What makes you think that even if you were to succeed breaking up a marriage that you could trust him? After all, he cheated on his wife for you; why will he car about cheating on you for someone else! This just sounds like some stupid daytime soap where everyone in the cast has messed around with each other at least once or twice. I would be so pissed if some girl tried anything with my husband, I'm afraid I could t hold my temper and sock her a good one! This is just so wrong on so many levels.

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    • Thank you for your answer. Firstly, I don't intend to break up any marriage I just don't want to lose a good friend over silly emotions. Secondly, when I said "see where it heads" I was referring to our platonic friendship only.

    • Thank You!!

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 12

  • You should find someone else who can be your life partner so you can have your special someone
    Try to limit meetings with them includes phone call's
    break off contact for 3 months this will wash away your feelings for that person its how our attachment's and emotion's work

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  • seduce them away from their wife

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    • Don't want to be a homewrecker

  • Option C - be an adult, accept that they are taken, and suppress the feelings.

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  • Don't do it. Respect their marriage and walk on.

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  • Walk away.

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  • "Best way to deal with having feelings for a married friend?"
    - Don't.

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  • Respect there marriage would you want a friend of yours asking your husband can I such your dick?

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  • Home wrecker

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  • you will move on

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  • Good

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  • You don't say anything.

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  • You say he has feelings too? How long has this been going on?

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    • About 7 months

    • If he has had feelings for you for that long, telling him how you feel will probably be the beginning of an affair.

What Girls Said 6

  • Why would you tell your feelings? They're married, obviously they're not yours or going to be yours.

    End your delusion and walk away before you embarrass yourself.

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  • Walking away and cutting off contact. What's the point of telling your feelings if they don't and can't reciprocate?

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    • He has feelings too

    • Well he shouldn't if he's married. Do you really want to be the bitch that breaks a marriage apart?

  • Ummm, they are married.

    What do you hope to accomplish? If you got your way, you would have broken up a marriage and would end up with a guy that breaks up his marriage.

    Sounds like a great future. /sarcasm

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  • i always express my feelings that why on GAG. Will You Accept The Other Woman or Mistress Status If This Relationship Expands Or Will You Force A Break Up Of His Marriage?

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  • Wait for him to have a crush on someone else. They will flirt till they find another.

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  • "See where it heads"? You are a cold hearted asshole for even considering breaking up a relationship.

    Down the road when you feel secure in a relationship I hope someone just like you tries to do this same thing.

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