I want to regain my confidence in speaking with women?

Also learn what kind of responses and conversations I should have rather than my usual crazy self... I go off on tangents that are boring for most girls like tech/science/work.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Find someone with mutual interests, so you can talk about those in addition to the tech/science/work. For example, my MechE friend plays league and his English major girlfriend also plays league and that's honestly what they talk about most of the time and spend their time together doing, if he were to talk about planes and aerodynamics, it would go over her head. However, if the only thing that interests you is tech/science/work, I would suggest you finding someone who is interested in tech/science/your work. It might be slightly more difficult because girls interested in tech/science are a minority but keep trying!

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Try experimenting and doing things that don't come naturally to you. Try socializing a lot with people of both sexes, multiple age groups. You'll start to see common denominator conversation topics arise.

    A simple one all people can relate to is food, but if you're more of a scholarly type with only a very practical view of food, it might take a bit of a hurdle to learn how to find joy and excitement in talking about nice restaurants or something like that -- along with a lot of other small talk subjects. But socializing a lot, enjoying going with your friends to restaurants, e. g. will start to give you some enthusiasm. Their enthusiasm can start to rub off and you can then start using some of that intellect to talk comfortably about the topics.

    Use a strategic and rational approach to socialization. That'll allow you to divorce yourself from your natural inclinations initially in ways which will then become incorporated into your natural behavior as you find approaches that work effectively on a wide range of people. And over the process you'll also shed any fears/insecurities you have on the way which take away the confidence.

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    • A lot of people emphasize being your genuine self, but I actually think that can be harmful advice, especially if your natural behavior is warding off girls. But my suggestion isn't to become disingenuous, per se. It isn't necessarily your genuine self to choose to talk about such subjects if there is fear of rejection, insecurity, and/or discomfort motivating your choices. Experimenting can help shed these inhibitors more quickly, and through the process you can, to some extent, "discover" your genuine self. Until then it's worth experimenting.

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    • Doh sorry, copying the link from the above text didn't work. :-D
      www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a35035-becoming-more-genuine

    • ah thanks! I'll read up on this after dinner!

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 3

  • Just be yourself. I know that sounds super over used and too difficult but if you are looking to be in a long-term relationship, you won't be able to pretend to be someone else. They wouldn't love you, they would love the fake you and that's not a good thing. Just go to places where you could meet women interested in the same things that you are interested in.

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  • Be less desperate and you'll be more confident.

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  • Practice

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What Guys Said 0

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