Getting Into A Realtionship After A Traumatic Event Am I Ready?

About 2 years ago in the summer I was sexually assaulted by my boyfriend... And it wasn't a misunderstood act since no and leave me alone means doesn't mean a yes... I've had terrible anxieties and been having a hard time having a guy hug me... I was kissed by a guy that i liked and we basically got into a realtionship and its going ok I guess but its just the start and its mostly long distance until he visits me (1-2 times per week or 2 weeks) and Im not sure if I'll be ready if it'll get more intimate... I'm scared I'll get anxiety and just leave him... How do I get over this? I dont know if im ready... How do I know if I am ready to date again? Should I tell him what happend to me? I dont know how to proceed... Will telling him scare him away?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It sounds like you are in an exclusive relationship with the guy. At this point you probably should tell him. If he has genuine feelings for you, it is not likely to scare him away but there are no guarantees. You will probably need to take things slow, so it is important that you let him know what you are dealing with.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • first of all, i've been there and it sucks~ so sorry to hear this happened to you.

    it's important that you do tell the guy you're with now, and set the tone for the rest of your relationship. let it come up naturally and when it's relevant, but don't wait until things start cooking and you're a ball of nerves~ if he hugs you, maybe say something like, "can we go slow? i'm a little nervous because the last guy i dated didn't exactly take no for an answer".

    (you don't have to go into detail or tell him any more than you're comfortable revealing~ just be honest.)

    when i had that talk with the guy who's now my boyfriend, i used a line similar to the one above. he was understanding and was more than happy to take things slowly~ the fact that he respected my wishes made me more comfortable trusting him, as it told me he'd respect me in other ways too.

    if telling the guy scares him off, he's obviously not someone you want to be with.

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